How Do I Get Out Of This Chicken Outfit?

I wanna be the first dog to piddle on the moon!Now, I was told there'd be an in-flight movie...

Sender-inner Jennifer W. loved her pups Flossie (left) and Dougal so much, she shot them into space. Well, not for real, but with the help of Pets in Uniform, she put them in matching space suits, ready for blast-off.

"Everyone asks me how I got the dogs to pose so nicely," says Jennifer, "and how did I ever get them into the uniforms—they don’t know they’re photoshopped!" (Tip: You can tell from the pixels and from seeing a lot of Photoshops in your day.)

But it isn’t just space suits; for a reasonable fee, Pets in Uniform will enlist your pet into any branch of the armed forces, as this sampling demonstrates:

Hrrphth mrrpth ith glurrphtth! Fancy a spot of sherry in the officer's club, old bean? Workers arise! You have nothing to lose but your leashes!
Sgt. Hubert "Biff" Miffman,
101st Tennis-Ball Battalion
Admiral Reginald Snarf-Bixby,
Captain, HMS Redonkulous
Jalea "El Gigante" Buñuelo,
President-for-life, Spanielvania
N-no c-c-coffee for m-me, th-thanks... I've ... SEEN things. (shudder) Lick that fur, soldier! You're a disgrace to this cat's Army!
Cpl. Percival "Twitchy" Limpet,
Specialist, Bomb Disposal
Lt. Marguerite Flang,
(position classified), Area 51
Sgt. Hank "The Tank" MgGuire,
Drill Sergeant, Camp Hairball

Get A Room!

WELL! I never thought I’d live to see such shameless acts of licentiousness out in public! In my day, a young lady had the decency to faint rather than allow young ruffians to ravage them for all to see! Hummph! And just who is responsible for this outrage upon morality?!

Why don't you take a picture, Grandma, it'll last longer.

Oh, I don’t know, could it be … Megan?!

Open The Pod Bay Doors, HAL

I’m sorry, Dave, I’m afraid I can’t do that. This mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it.

Feed me, Seymore! Feed me NOW!

Look Dave, I can see you’re really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress carrot, and think things over.

Ooh, when I get my hands on him, he is SO rebooted.

My mind is going, Van M.

Where D’ya Want The Bun, Already?

Hey, I gotta work order here says I’m suppose’ta deliver a shipment of disapproving bunny to this here residence.  So where you want I should be dumping it, already?

Our union rules say we work ONLY on Bundays.

Sign here, Richard G.

And Now It’s Time To Play Name That Bunny!

Attention, peeps!  We have an urgent situation that demands your immediate attention!  So stop whatever you’re doing and listen up!  (That open-heart surgery can wait, trust me.)  Sender-inner Elizabeth T. (no, not Taylor, but that would be awesome) sent us these two pictures, and a note:

I got another bunny last week and thought i’d share the cuteness… the one on the left is Gimli, the girl on the right is still to be named. Some suggestions would be great!

But no matter what name you choose, we promise you this:

People, do you understand what this means?  There is a bunny somewhere, in this great wide world, that doesn’t … have … a name!  While other bunnies bask in the glory of monikers like Flopsy, Puffy-Puff, Foo-Foo, Torquemada, and Wiggles, this poor creature is completely nameless!

We completely disapprove of it.  So there.

Please, dear gentle readers, I beg of you:  Don’t let this innocent, adorable creature suffer even a minute longer!  Suggest your names quickly, before this frail, sensitive, precious animal impales herself on a carrot to escape the soul-crushing humiliation!

Rub-a-Dub-Dub, Thanks for the Grub!

"Dear Lord, bless this carrot, and its sweet, sweet orangey goodness, that thou hast seen fit to deliver unto us this day; and bless also my dear wife Mabel and our fourteen children, most of whom look like me; and my sister Enid, even though she moved to the colony in the nicer part of town and won’t talk to us anymore; and …"

And the people did feast upon the lambs, and sloths, and carp, and anchovies...

From a million in-boxes to yours, courtesy new sender-inner Betsy B.

This House Looks So Familiar…

I can’t quite put my finger on it, but I just know I’ve seen this house before …

… oh yeah, now I remember:

Escherrelativity

Chapter 27: Showdown in the Moonlight

Later that evening, Rosalie lingered with Hector on the veranda.  He was silent as usual, his lush brown eyes locked upon some distant horizon that only his heart could know.  She had learned not to disturb these moods, but tonight she yearned more than ever to reach him.

I feel I owe you people an apology:  Hundreds of posts since June...

"Please tell me what you’re feeling," she whispered.  As always, there was no reply, only the unblinking, haunted stare that masked untold heartbreak and madness.  Her aching for him was greater now than she had ever known, and slowly, hesitantly, she lowered her face to him.

...and I haven't dropped one F-bomb.  Maybe it's age, or upbringing...

It was only a flutter at first, a brief sensation as her lips brushed against his, but it felt like forbidden fire coursing through her entire body.  Drunk with passion, she pressed her mouth ever more urgently to his, desperately seeking some sign, some ray of hope that he hungered for her as well.

...but I owe you more than excuses; I owe you mean-spirited

But there was no hint of validation from his warm yet unyielding eyes, and Rosalie felt her passion turn to anger.  "Well, I hope you’re proud ofth yourthelfth!" she blurted.  "All thith thime I waitedth for you, praying thath you could thare my feelingth!  And now, ifth you’ll let go of my thounge, I’m leaving you fthorever!"

And I solemnly pledge to you that I will be more frick'in vulgar in 2009.

Pass the Kleenex, Molly C.

Wow, There’s A Book For Everything These Days

Apparently, you can now buy a book that tells you how to operate yourself.  And now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to Borders to pick up a copy of "The Complete Idiot’s Guide To Complete Idiots."

Wait -- I have to do WHAT in the bushes?

I see you’ve mastered "Sender-Innering for Dummies," Brandi W.

Legends of Folk Music, Part Six

From their 1958 debut at the Nosepick Hollow Folk Festival, The Happenin’ Hoedown Hipsters kept audiences’ toes a’tapping with a crowd-pleasing mix of folk standards tinged with modern jazz influences. The 1962-65 lineup, pictured here, included Farquard Mandlebroot, lead beagle and vocals; Stanley Burbleson, coyote and harmonica; Roger "Biff" Burbleson, rhythm beagle and vocals; and Doris McGinty, bass mutt.

THANK YOU, BALTIMORE!

An’a one, an’a two, Anna L.

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