That’s One Small Step For Ham, One Giant Leap For Hamkind

DAY TWO: After completing atmospheric and temperature evaluations, I am ready to exit the landing module and begin my initial survey.

Darn it! I forgot to pick up the giant flag from the cleaners!

The surface is peppered for miles in every direction with deep, treacherous craters, evidence perhaps of violent meteor showers that once ravaged this planet…

... unusual salt deposits, too.

… and yet, even among these wastelands, I find remnants of a once-great civilization, which built vast cities, drank overpriced coffee, and constructed gleaming white spaceships in which they fled the devastation of their beloved world…

Which means there's probably at least one Starbucks nearby.

We come in peace, Ron M.

Don’t Ask

"Seriously, you don’t wanna know. I’ll spare you the details.  You’re welcome. All I’m gonna say is that whatever genius builds a chalet right in the path of a ski jump can fix his own damn roof."

But I got this lovely little sock at the hospital.  So there's that.

Talk about de agony of de feet, Isobel L.

The Duke of Pomerania in his Winter Villa

"Jeeves, madame and I will take our coffee and kibble in the Sun Room this afternoon, if you please."

And do bring the footstool.  I appear to be dangling again.

Simply mah-velous, Paige R.

This Is Spinal Wrap

According to The Sun, albino hedgie Jay Jay wasn’t safe in the wild, because his color made him an easy target for predators. So some nice people took him in, and now his future’s as bright as he is.

It's like, how much more white could this be?

And the answer is: None. None more white.

Never Get Lost Again!

Thank you for purchasing the Bunn-O-Meter™ model OD2750!  The Bunn-O-Meter OD Series puts powerful omni-directional global positioning in a convenient size for pocket, backpack or purse.

No, I don't double as a keychain. Don't go there.

INSTRUCTIONS:  Step 1. Release Bunn-O-Meter onto any outdoor surface.  Be certain that patented RabbitEarz™ duo-dimensional audio scanners are fully extended.

Reh-reh-ready to as-sis-sis-sis-ist you, Puh-puh-puh-Pee-Wee!

Step 2. Wait a few moments while your Bunn-O-Meter’s ultra-sensitive SHL™ (Sniff-Hear-Look) multi-sensor array performs a full 360-degree scan.

(nyerm-nyerm-nyerm-nyerm-nyerm-nyerm-nyerm-nyerm-nyerm...)

In just minutes, your Bunn-O-Meter will point in the direction of the nearest vegetable garden, farmer’s market, or greenhouse, showing you the most efficient route back to civilization.

DING!  Iceberg at 4,500 yards!

For best performance, return your Bunn-O-Meter to its convenient Hutch-I-Tat™ carrying case after use.

Best. Job. Ever.

Only $129.99 from SkyMall!  Now with patented Ilana-D™ sender-inner technology!

Rest in Proshness

Dearly befuddled, we are gathered here today to pay our respects to one of the cutest roadside memorials we’ve ever seen: This lovely floral presentation in honor of… a squirrel?!

Perfectly normal from a distance, and then... Wha-HUH?

And not just any squirrel, but true sports nut, with a passion for baseball, basketball and hockey.

Although the referees kept ejecting him for nibbling the puck.

Found in Sacramento by Angela B. Can any other Sacto peeps shed light on this?

[UPDATE: Working from Beth's and Ellen's tips, I think I've located the white building with the tiled roof in the background of shot one, which supports their theory about the address.  Click here to see the building in Google Street View. -- Mike]

Bedtime for Igor

“… and bless Dr. Fronk-en-steen, and the Monster, and Inga, and Frau Blücher, and Abby Normal, and…”

What hump?

… and Susan B.  [Plus all respect to Ellen van Deelen - Ed.]
rat with tiny teddybear

Oh Dude, I Am So Baked Right Now!

“Whoa, man… that was some righteous catnip, dude.  Do we have any more, like, Doritos or anything?”

Actually, I'm steamed, but, like, I'm too fried to care.

Like, thanks for the, uh,  picture and stuff, Diane D.

I Could Really Go For A Cigar Right About Now…

I could really go for a cigar right now, for some reason.

Betsy B.

How I Got Teh Qte

I was a "normal" person once, one foot in front of the other, living day to day.  Then one morning I woke up, and like a vision, there it was — a pair of ‘tocks, hovering above me like a fuzzy angel.  It was at that moment that I attained the enlightenment known as Teh Qte.  In an instant, the Universe unfolded before me, unlocking its secrets, revealing to me the answer to every question, except for one:

I WANT TO BELIEVE

… how the hell did I manage to pass out here?

And what's more, I think the Universe stole my wallet.

Hmm, last I remember, I was doing shots with Deborah and James S., and then…

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