When What To My Wondering Eyes Should Appear …

… but the cutest darn puppy we’ve seen this whole year.  Let’s do the C.O. Math™ on this one, people:  (Serene, kissable face) PLUS (Dangling "hey, baby" arm) PLUS (Redonk-u-licious stocking pose) MULTIPLIED BY …

   'sup?

… EXTREME SENDER-INNER SUPER CLOSE-UP!!! equals … Happy Holidays to one and all!

Oh, and I left you a little present too, sorry about that.

And a Happy New Year, Amanda B.

A Justifiably Obscure Christmas Jingle

Who’s that flappin’ down the chimney?  Who’s that tappin’ at the tree?
It’s the elf with the bill, and he won’t stop until every boy and girl is giddy with glee.

Every Christmas time he’s at it again, a sack full of toys and an IQ of ten,
You might get meat or you might get a doll, ’cause he’s got no clue who you are at all.

So open those presents and try your luck; it could be wood or it could be a truck,
Will Christmas be merry or will it suck?  You never can tell with Santa Duck!

Enjoy that chemistry set and/or pantyhose, kids!

Have a possibly Merry Christmas, Karen K.

Hey, Baby, You Like Fast Cars?

"… I thought we might drive up the coast highway, have some Kibble Parmesan at this little Italian place I know, then walk on the beach and watch the sun come up …"

We just need to stop at the store for fresh batteries first.

Sounds too good to be true, Cora N.

Have You Been Good This Year?

"Hyup hyup, I been a good dog all year, sure have, hyup hyup!  I didn’t chase cars, or dig in the garden, or send Nigerian scam e-mails or nothin’!"

See, this is why we can't have nice things.

"And I especially didn’t tear open the Mark Cross titanium fountain pen set with the pearl inlay that was wrapped in the pretty red paper with the little cherubs on it and smear the ink all over the Persian rug, nope, didn’t do it, never saw it, nope nope."

Ri-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-ght ...

I think we can forgo the lie detector test, Wendy F.

Attack of the Christmas Lights II: Twinkle’s Revenge

Just when you thought it was safe to go under the tree … it’s BA-A-A-A-A -a-a-a-a-ck …

This time, it's ELECTRICAL!

Tormenting terrified tabbies trapped in its tenacious twisted tangle of twinkling TERROR!

Jeez, was there a sale on words starting with 'T' or something?

Thanks, Meghan M.!  One more set and we can start a new category!

Friday Staff Meeting

… and our final action item for today, in regards to re-purposing the deliverables for the Q1 global co-localization initiative going forward …

… we’re experiencing push-back over negative asset retention metrics, vis-a-vis our mission-critical relationship management wombat …

… at the end of the day, to synergize a best-of-breed flapdoodle customer-oriented splinky narfle paradigm wumpus noodle fleeple spork …

Brought to you by CuteThingsFallingAsleep.org, the most comprehensive resource for cute things falling asleep in the entire global history of cute things falling asleep.

Band Practice is Canceled Again

"Don’t get me wrong, fellas, I really like the direction you’re taking here.  You’ve got a whole Counting-Crows-meet-The-Banana-Splits-with-a-hint-of-Philip-Glass thing going, and it’s very progressive, I respect that …"

(More like fingers-meet-ears-with-a-hint-of-cerebral-hemorrhaging, frankly.)

"… but darn the luck, I’m behind on my sleep, and I really need to get a few hours of catnapping in before bedtime, so if you could just close the door quietly on your way out, I’d really appreciate it, thanks."

(Works every time, heh, heh...)

That’s one pearl of wisdom, Jenna M.

I Hate Mid-terms…

"This is my worst semester EVER.  In History, I have a paper due on the Code of Hammurabi; in Government, I have to write about Alexander Hamilton, and I haven’t even started reading Hamlet for Literature class."

Once this is over, I'll be in my hammock.

Better stock up on the Red Bull, Lindsey B.

This Is Your Day, Arthur Pewtey!

"You’re going to march right into that office and say ‘listen here, Mr. Higgenblatz, I’ve been with this firm for over ten years, and it’s high time I had my own private office, and a reserved parking space, and a five dollar an hour raise, and … um, how about two dollars, then?  And, er, the office doesn’t have to have to be really big or have a window or anything, and I’ve been thinking about taking the bus anyway, so I don’t really need the parking space …’ "

... and if I had to share the office, that would be OK, I guess ...

That’ll show him who’s boss, Becky H.

The Legend of the Prickly Kid

Now me and the boys were in Clancy’s Saloon, and hoistin’ our mugs in a toast,
When Old Man McGee bursts in through the door, lookin’ as pale as a ghost.
"I pity you, son," he stammered at last. "I reckon you best get yourself hid."
"There’s a feller in town who’s a lookin’ for you, by the name of the Prickly Kid."

My skin went clammy, my hands took to shakin’, the beer went sour in my mouth,
For there weren’t a more fearsome critter alive, from the North clean to the South.
They say when he hunts you, there’s nowhere to run, and you might as well number your days,
Because no man alive’s been known to survive the Kid’s cold, unblinking gaze.

Then the customers scattered, the piano stopped playin’, and slowly I turned around,
At the end of the bar stood the Prickly Kid, never making a move nor sound.
He fixed me right there with a steely stare, and "hewwo" was all he said.
And I took one look in those beady cute eyes, and I plumb keeled over dead.

I'm a wootin' tootin' gunswinger!

Now, the moral of my story’s a warning to you, and I’m sure Sarah R. would agree,
When your time is over, there’s naught you can do, and there’s no sense in trying to flee.
So stay right here and finish your beer, for you won’t be escaping the joint.
When the Prickly Kid comes a-lookin’ for you, you’re definitely getting the point.