Is it Spring Break Yet?

…now as you can see, if we conjugate the hypotenuse along the lateral preamble parallel to the esophagus, we can retract the dangling participle near the soliloquy of

WILL SOMEONE WAKE UP JENKINS!?

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Sender-innered by Da Megster her own baaaaaaaaaad self!

The Plot Thickens

"Um, you haven’t seen a meatloaf with hair on it, have you?  I was saving that for lunch."

And I even labeled it with my name and everything...

... you'd just think that people could keep their hands off other peoples' food.

Just look innocent and don’t say anything, Tia D.

You’re Kind Of New At This ‘Stowing Away’ Thing, Aren’t You?

"Excuse me, flight attendant, if there will be a choice of snack then I would like pretzels instead of peanuts because I have allergies, and I also need to know if the in-flight movie will be age-appropriate for myself and my traveling companions, and I noticed that the gentleman across the aisle did not return his tray table to the full upright position during takeoff, in direct violation of FAA regulations…"

Nice going, loudmouth.  So much for the free trip to Costa Rica.

Cat Apartment by richard_b

Did You Make Your Bed This Morning?

"Oh yeah, I made my bed, all right… I MADE IT BEG FOR MERCY!  BWAH-ha-ha-ha-haaaaah!  That’s right, I’ll show the furniture in this house who’s boss!"

Wicker?  I hardly knew 'er!

You must be on a first-name basis at Pier 1 by now, Angela S.

What’s For Dinner?

(Let’s see… I could make an omelette… nah, that’s too much work… Well, an English muffin and cheese sandwich sounds good… Maybe with some of that meatloaf?  Ick, there’s hair growing on it… Ooh, there’s some salsa left…)

Could be meat... could be cake...

Ya got enough beer, Joanna?

We Take You Live to the 2009 Staring Championships!

… and if you’ve just joined us, it’s been an inaction-packed afternoon as we enter the ninth blink-less hour of the showdown between Zeke, the young challenger, and Karma, seasoned veteran starer.  And it looks like neither of these determined dogs are giving any ground as… wait a minute, I’m told there’s been a ruling from the line judge…

Your lips say no, but your eyes say yes, yes, yes!

… and… ZEKE HAS BLINKED!  Yes, it’s been confirmed, Zeke has blinked, and that means that Karma retains the Championship Staring title, and it looks like Zeke may be out for the rest of the season to undergo eye adjustments…

Daaaah, how come there's two o'everything?

Back to you in the studio, Stacy W.

Finish Your Taxes in a Breeze!

I used to dread tax time.  All that figuring and scribbling, just to please the mean old IRS.  But all that’s changed now, thanks to the revolutionary tax tool, SkunkWorx™!

It's like a breath of fresh air!

Just put SkunkWorx on your books, and relax.  Only SkunkWorx uses the exclusive AroMath™ System, so that your numbers look good — and smell bad.  So give Uncle Sam a little something extra this year, with SkunkWorx!

Watch me sniff out those hidden deductions!

(I)t’s (R)eally (S)norgleable, Sarah W.

Goatorola

"Look, how many times do I have to tell you people?  I don’t care how many tin cans you throw in, we’re very happy with our current alfalfa supplier!  Now stop calling me!!"

Man, these telemarketers really get my human.

Someone wanted to talk to the goat, submitted by Ross O.  Ross, maybe it’s time to join the national "do not bleat" registry.

That’s One Small Step For Ham, One Giant Leap For Hamkind

DAY TWO: After completing atmospheric and temperature evaluations, I am ready to exit the landing module and begin my initial survey.

Darn it! I forgot to pick up the giant flag from the cleaners!

The surface is peppered for miles in every direction with deep, treacherous craters, evidence perhaps of violent meteor showers that once ravaged this planet…

... unusual salt deposits, too.

… and yet, even among these wastelands, I find remnants of a once-great civilization, which built vast cities, drank overpriced coffee, and constructed gleaming white spaceships in which they fled the devastation of their beloved world…

Which means there's probably at least one Starbucks nearby.

We come in peace, Ron M.

Don’t Ask

"Seriously, you don’t wanna know. I’ll spare you the details.  You’re welcome. All I’m gonna say is that whatever genius builds a chalet right in the path of a ski jump can fix his own damn roof."

But I got this lovely little sock at the hospital.  So there's that.

Talk about de agony of de feet, Isobel L.

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