No tongues!

Diana C.

The Ascent of Mount Hand

I left base camp early on the second morning, and occupied myself until midday by navigating a slow circuitous route across the Fingertip Ridges…

The terrain was rugged and unmanicured...

… the route, although tedious and time-consuming, would place me advantageously for my final assault on Big Index the next morning…

I claim this finger in the name of Lizardania!

Reaching the peak at last, I stared down into the Palm Valley below, now an impossibly small tableaux of villages and farmlands where once I walked as but one among multitudes, yet now alone in the giddy horror of true isolation…

And the worst part is, I can still hear the #%@&ing yodeling from here.

Because it’s there, Sarah G.

The Official Cute Overload Martini

6 parts gin
2 parts vodka
1 part Lillet blanc
Lemon twist Kitty head

Combine liquid ingredients in a cocktail shaker with cracked ice and shake well. Strain into a chillin’ martini glass and garnish with lemon twist kitty head.

A couple of those little onions would be nice, too.

We maded you a martini, Sandy B., but we drinked it.
(Recipe based on the classic James Bond martini. More recipes here.)

White owl

I could really go for a cigar right now, for some reason.

Betsy B.

Porter Earns His Merit Badge

"OK, let’s see… the rabbit goes through the hole, then round the tree… no, wait, that’s not it…"

Well, it KIND OF looks like the diagram ...

"Shoot, now it’s all tangled up!  Well, maybe nobody will notice if I cut it a little…"


"YIKES!  How’d it get wrapped around my ankles?!"

Oh, SWELL, now I'll be hanging from the flagpole until sundown.

"Ah, to heck with this.  Who ties knots these days, anyway?"

What they REALLY need is a Playstation merit badge.

You’ve earned your sender-innering badge, SM.

New From The Franklin Mint!


Angela C.

Next Week, on The Guiding Leash…

As the ruthless Imelda Chisel finally consolidates her grip on the family salad oil refineries, she learns that her lover, the handsome Brock Lancer, is in reality her half-nephew Ygnatz Leibowitz.  Meanwhile, at Generally Specific Hospital, Louise Slobberfloss, awaiting her life-saving double brain-bypass operation, tearfully confesses her darkest secrets to her husband Jürgen, for what may be the very last time…

Of course, if the operation is a success, I go back to denying everything.

The Guiding Leash is an Alida W. production.

Welcome to the Amazing World of the Future!

Journey with us now into The Future, where Today becomes Tomorrow, Tomorrow becomes Today, and Yesterday is still Yesterday, only later.  Hop into your sleek personal HoverFrog…

Actually, I'm just a frog stuck to a window.

…and away you go!  Whooshing in silent comfort past gleaming skyscrapers!

I really don't know where he gets these weird ideas.

And when you arrive at your destination, simply park your pollution-free HoverFrog in the sun to recharge!

Yeah, whatever you say, Jules Verne.  Later!

It’s a great big beautiful tomorrow from your window, Erin G.

Rules for Living

Rule 12: Breakfast tastes better when it’s color-coordinated.
Rule 41: Just let it ring.  They’ll call back.
Rule 77: Spoons are for losers.
And the all-important rule #1: If at all possible, be a ferret.

Because ferrets rule.

Pass the Ferret Flakes, Kate S.

Revenge Is a Dish Best Served With Puréed Squash and a Teething Biscuit

"So, you were going to pan-fry me in butter, were you?  Well, let’s see how you taste with some mashed ‘nanas, washed down with a sippy cup full of Juicy Juice, fuzzball!"

Gotta catch me first, Mister Can't-Roll-Over-Yet!

I see he’s already started on the tail, Alison G.