This is Not a Half-Pipe

Dude, you call this a half-pipe?  It’s, like, totally made of construction paper or something, and it’s not even big enough for my skateboard!  I’m, like, a professional athlete, dude, I don’t have time for this!

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Love the tongue, Jacqueline T.!

From The Cute Farmer’s Almanac

With the approach of Summer, be sure to check your Kitten Trees for the first fruit of the season.  Normally, the Kitten Tree will produce in mid-June, but occasionally a few kittens will drop early, and should be promptly harvested before they become confused and moldy.

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They look ripe to me, Margaret S.

Finally, Your Prayers Are Answered!

At last, the wait is over for our thousands of readers who’ve written over the years, demanding to know: When are you going to show a man and a dog doing squats to Beatles music while Jeno’s Pizza Rolls bake in the kitchen? There. You’re welcome.

Feel the burn, Phillip P.

This Is Not a Pup Smoking a Pipe

Alas, it is merely the image of a pup smoking a pipe.  We post it to illustrate the paradox that confronts us: Even as we seek the essence of Teh Qte, we attain only its effigy, captured in an imperfect medium that robs our senses of the nuance of sound and touch: The wagging of the tail; the satisfying feel of a skritchy-scratch under the chin; the glance of recognition at the phrase “who’s a good boy, then?” or as the French would say, “Oo ees zay goot boy, zen?” Indeed, it was René Descartes, a leading light among the French philosophers, who would probe the boundaries of Man’s attempts to reconcile the worlds of the real and the ethereal, seeking the underlying truth behind the contradictions of our fruitless quest to…

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Kate D., it’s been Magritte pleasure to post this Flickr image for you.

Yee-up, another Memorial Day weekend…

Time to dust off my uniform for the annual veterans’ hop down Main Street, then it’s over to the Loyal Order of Wallabies Hall for some of Ethel Lundegaard’s famous hotdish.  (Ooh, my lumbago’s acting up; maybe I’ll skip the parade…)

Uh, would you kids in the background like to get a room or something?  SHEESH!

Save some room for Eunice S’s sender-inner surprise, gramps!

Mental Hygienist

Hmm, I’m (scrape, scrape) noticing a bit of (scrape, scrape) plaque building up here (scrape, scrape)… Are you brushing in those hard-to-reach places, young lady?

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(echo chamber) Now (Now) let’s (let’s) take a (take a) look at (look at) those (those) molars (molars molars…)

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Now rinse, Lily L.

Squealing Home

It’s baseball season, and each year, the Saint Paul Saintsbullpen gets a visitor from the pigpen.  This year it’s a piglet named Slumhog Millionaire, from a litter born at the Minnesota Zoo.  Slumhog joins the Saints’ past pantheon of punny porcines, including Boarack Ohama, Notorious P.I.G., and (forgive us) Kevin Bacon.

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A Little Birdie Told Me…

A little birdie told me. … that the official Cute Overload icon is back where it belongs!

Look up! Goodbye, un-cute “W” icon (you know we love ya, WordPress), welcome back, cute chickie icon!

Yaaaaaaaaaay!

This Sucks

Man, I really wish these people would get a kid already.  The three-AM feedings, the burpings, the diaper changes… it’s just not in my job description, y’know?

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And what’s worse, they keep making me listen to Mozart while I’m sleeping, when I’m much more partial to Bach or Vivaldi…

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Photo: omniNate

I Tawt I Taw a Twitter Tat!

Remember how we watched in awe as Ashton Kutcher beat CNN to a million Twitter followers?  All right, maybe awe is too strong a word, but according to the Baltimore Sun, a cat named Sockington is catching up, quietly racking up half that million, and gaining every day.   What’s the matter, Ashton?  Cat Kutcher tongue?

I must leek ze feengers zat tweetz for meeeeeeee!

Photo: Jason “Textfiles” Scott