Yes, Please

(… OK, play it cool now; let him keep dangling it for a bit… just wander past nonchalantly… look interested, but not too interested… then just casually stroll over and oh who the hell am I kidding I want it I want it give it to me it’s my birthright as an adorable woodland creature dammit it’s mine all mine!!!)

grabby_squirrel

Now I’m wondering what he’d do for a Klondike bar, Maria N.

Sneak in the Grass

Ensheathed within the dense jungle grasses, the deadly black mamba slithers undetected.  Silently, the cold-blooded killer glides closer to its quarry…

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… and with one lightning-quick thrust of its venomous… fangs, he..

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… never mind.

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Lethally cute, Jessica W.

Where’s the Fire?

Yee-up, I’m a big-time fireman, and this here’s my big-time fire boat.  Forty thousand gallons per minute of pure firefighting muscle, baby, right here.  Bring it.

So… got any fires you need put out?  Maybe a fleet we can welcome with our cannon?  ‘Cause me and my crew are totally ready… all right, just me, but still…

froganbota

Sent by Marshall B., who swears he just found the little feller sitting like that.

Hanging On by a Shred

“Hurry up, Maggie!  If we don’t have these taped back together, we’re fired for sure!  Jeez, you just had to push the ‘shred’ button, didn’t you?”

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“Hey, you wanted to see how it worked.  Heck, I wanted to stay in bed this morning, but nooooyou had to drag me to workWell, I hope you’re happy!

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Yes, it’s the return of Maggie and Bergamot, courtesy of repeat offender Tina K.

Can’t Talk Now. Bottle Time.

Don’t bother me.  I’m in the zone.

Grmley and bottle 1

Bottle Time requires absolute Zen calm and concentration.

Grimley and Bottle 2

One must not merely drink, one must become one with the bottle, nourishing the soul as well as the body with its creamy beige goodness…

Grimley and bottle 3

Ah, that’s better. Now, what was your question again?

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Awesome foster-mommying, Jennifer S. (and photographer Melissa M.).

Curse of Monkula

Once again, as he has done for centuries, the cursed vampire rises from his grave to feast.  Mad with hunger, the wretched fiend spies his next victim, an unsuspecting villager.  He waits in the shadows; his prey draws nearer… and then, with inhuman speed, the monster strikes!

(Jerry Lewis voice) Oy, Mr. Nice Vampire, stop with the biting on my tender young neck that is painful to me, please maybe you could?

More monkeyshines at the Daily Mail.

So What’s the Deal With the Turtles?

Our more astute readers may have noticed a slight turtle-y theme in today’s material.  It’s not just for Teh Qte; it’s also a shout-out to the toughest girl I know.

It's not so bad, once you get used to it...

Recently, a relative of mine was badly injured in a car crash.  She’s home from the hospital now, but her crawl to a full recovery is only just beginning.

I'm always ready to go camping...

She’ll be spending part of that recovery in a back brace that, I’m told, makes her look a bit like a turtle.  So I hope you’ll join me in saying “Get Well Soon, Turtle Girl!”

I'm my own Winnebago!

And thanks to slow-and-steady sender-inner Dominika D.

The Happiest Tortoises on the Planet

Ladies and Gentlemen, We Give You:  The Happiest Tortoises on the Planet.

“Mashed potatoes? My favorite!”

[Photo removed at request of owner]

“A strawberry?! My favorite!!

A strawberry?  MY FAVORITE!!

Raspberries Another strawberry?!?!?!? MY FAVORARRGTHMMGPTHOMNOMNOM!!!!!!!1!!!

RASPERRIES??!!?!!  MY FAVORITE!!!!1!!!!!1!

Friday Haiku: Shell We Dance?

Turtle and stuffed fish
Can your haiku celebrate
Their forbidden love?

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I give it six months, tops, Caroline D.

Cornstarch: It’s a Hell of a Drug

Says snorter-inner Claire K.: “I have a 3 ½ month old kitten named Pepper. He’s still in the kitten stage of thinking that everything that moves is a toy for him to play with.”

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“Last week my sister, Brigid, was baking in the kitchen when a bowl of cornstarch fell off the counter. Pepper immediately dove into it! Brigid got some great photos and then set to the task of cleaning the floor and Pepper.”

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