For longer performances, you may be required to have various animals secreted about your person for extended periods. To ensure their comfort and well-being, always provide snacks just before going onstage.
MILAN — Stunned art historians announced today that their efforts to restore a priceless collection of 18th-century masterpieces have led to a shocking discovery: Yelena Sylvania Potzi-Stroganoff, a Russian countess once believed to be the most beautiful woman in the court of Emperor Peter III, was in fact a real dog.
OK, here’s the real deal: The portrait on the right is example of custom pet portraiture by Valerie Leonard, and you can see this and more on her site.
In this amazing Daily Mail article, nature photographer Kim Taylor rigged an entire batcave’s worth of gadgets just to capture these eeety-beety bat tongues as they skimmed his backyard pond.
Terrific bat-find, Catalina S.
Concerned citizens! Beware the growing scourge of our nation’s kitties: Pot addiction. This desperate craving plunges innocent kitties into a nightmare of depravity, squandering their youth in so-called “pot parties.” Parents, does your kitty have a pot habit? Look for these warning signs:
- Preference for squeezing into round spaces instead of boxes;
- Furtively reading gardening magazines;
- An involuntary twitching at the words mulch, sphagnum, and photosynthesis.
Our thanks to upstanding citizen Leany A.
“… and so he staggers in, (streeetch!) after drinking with his buddies until two A.M., (urrnngh!) and just looks at me like ‘what’d I do?’ even though he knew (hrrrrmph!) it was the six-month anniversary of our first date.”
“Listen, sweetie, (huff, puff) you need to stop being a (pant, pant) doormat and own this situation. (wheeeze) “
Welcome back, film fans! Time once again for a “sneak peek” at the secrets of Tinseltown. Today we’re on the set of Cheapo Productions’ “Ultra Power Turtles III: The Quest for Pocket Lint” to watch our high-flying heroes actually take to the air!
How do they do it? “Now, your big studios would dangle the stars from an expensive rig, and blot out the wires in post-production,” says “Turtles” director Steve Rancid. “But we’re kinda strapped, so we just hold them up to the camera and make ‘whooshing’ noises.”
It begins with a grating chord of violins; the camera creeps in slowly…
The subject twists in agony, as thoughts from the subconscious bubble to her lips…
The violins screech up and down like angry bees; the subject’s writhing becomes more and more desperate, until she can stand it no longer, AND –
GGHAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! She bolts upright and stares into the camera!
Pass the popcorn, Katelyn D.