Can’t Talk Now. Bottle Time.

Don’t bother me.  I’m in the zone.

Grmley and bottle 1

Bottle Time requires absolute Zen calm and concentration.

Grimley and Bottle 2

One must not merely drink, one must become one with the bottle, nourishing the soul as well as the body with its creamy beige goodness…

Grimley and bottle 3

Ah, that’s better. Now, what was your question again?

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Awesome foster-mommying, Jennifer S. (and photographer Melissa M.).

Curse of Monkula

Once again, as he has done for centuries, the cursed vampire rises from his grave to feast.  Mad with hunger, the wretched fiend spies his next victim, an unsuspecting villager.  He waits in the shadows; his prey draws nearer… and then, with inhuman speed, the monster strikes!

(Jerry Lewis voice) Oy, Mr. Nice Vampire, stop with the biting on my tender young neck that is painful to me, please maybe you could?

More monkeyshines at the Daily Mail.

So What’s the Deal With the Turtles?

Our more astute readers may have noticed a slight turtle-y theme in today’s material.  It’s not just for Teh Qte; it’s also a shout-out to the toughest girl I know.

It's not so bad, once you get used to it...

Recently, a relative of mine was badly injured in a car crash.  She’s home from the hospital now, but her crawl to a full recovery is only just beginning.

I'm always ready to go camping...

She’ll be spending part of that recovery in a back brace that, I’m told, makes her look a bit like a turtle.  So I hope you’ll join me in saying “Get Well Soon, Turtle Girl!”

I'm my own Winnebago!

And thanks to slow-and-steady sender-inner Dominika D.

The Happiest Tortoises on the Planet

Ladies and Gentlemen, We Give You:  The Happiest Tortoises on the Planet.

“Mashed potatoes? My favorite!”

[Photo removed at request of owner]

“A strawberry?! My favorite!!

A strawberry?  MY FAVORITE!!

Raspberries Another strawberry?!?!?!? MY FAVORARRGTHMMGPTHOMNOMNOM!!!!!!!1!!!

RASPERRIES??!!?!!  MY FAVORITE!!!!1!!!!!1!

Friday Haiku: Shell We Dance?

Turtle and stuffed fish
Can your haiku celebrate
Their forbidden love?

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I give it six months, tops, Caroline D.

Cornstarch: It’s a Hell of a Drug

Says snorter-inner Claire K.: “I have a 3 ½ month old kitten named Pepper. He’s still in the kitten stage of thinking that everything that moves is a toy for him to play with.”

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“Last week my sister, Brigid, was baking in the kitchen when a bowl of cornstarch fell off the counter. Pepper immediately dove into it! Brigid got some great photos and then set to the task of cleaning the floor and Pepper.”

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Cuteness… IN 3-D!

From a Flickr collection of 3-D images, several cuties just seemed to jump out at us, like the pup below. You’ll need the old-fashioned red/blue 3-D glasses to see the effect.

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Meanwhile, there’s another group devoted to cross-view 3-D images.  You don’t need glasses to view these, but you will have to cross your eyes, and it may take some practice before you get it right.  Click the lemur to see an example.

Click me!

Photos: relumadrid (top), Dan (aka firrs) (bottom)

Leftover Kitten Paw

This is just like every Ikea bookshelf you’ve ever assembled–there’s always one part left over.  In this case, it’s the paw of yesterday’s ad-libbing kitten in the pictures sent by Kelly H.  I couldn’t work it into the narrative, but it’s too cute not to use.

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Today on “This Old Box”

Well, the recession may have hit some of us kinda hard, but you can still be a handyman no matter where you are.  So, on today’s show, I’ll be mixing a half bag of flour and a broken bottle of Kayo syrup into a durable all-weather sealant.  Later, I’ll show you how to turn an old license plate into a distinctive end table.

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You’ll Never Nurse in This Town Again

(OK, when I call “Action,” you just turn and read what’s on the card. All right?)

Sure, no problem. Let’s do this.

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(Fine. And … action!)

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Friends, has your mom been tasting a little rancid lately?

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(Wait, that’s not what it says on the…)

I mean not just a bit sour, but that full-on chalky mix of week-old milk, with a hint of tobacco and sardines that just makes you want to toss your cookies, am I right?

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(Uh, if we could just stick to the script here…)

That’s why our mom drinks Schblatz Beer!

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(That’s not even the sponsor! What the hell are you…)

Only Schblatz is double-brewed to be double-smooth, with the taste kitties love…

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(Somebody call Security!)

So treat your mom to a cool, refreshing Schblatz! She’ll love it–and so will you!

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(… and then call Kelly H. in the Casting Office and tell her she’s fired!)