Insanitized for Your Protection

At the Hotel Cuteinental, your every comfort is our concern.  Our spacious guest rooms include a fully-stocked mini-bar, valet/shoe-shine service, complimentary breath mints, luxurious bathrobes and, of course, designer kitten.

I eated yur bref mints, sowwy.

Do you take Diner’s Club, Melissa B.?

Hey, Wanna See an Impression?

"Check me out — I’m a duck!  QUAAACK!  Boy, I could really go for some stale bread right about now, because I’m a duck!  Get it?  In fact, I’m buying a round of stale bread for the house — just put it on my bill!"

(crickets chirping)

"I said ‘put it on my bill!’ … because I’m a duck!"

Sheesh, tough room.

Um, we’ll let you know, Natalie G.

It Happens Every Time …

It never fails:  You bring home that stylin’ new HGLÄGTH bookshelf from IKEA, save the packing material, organize all the pieces neatly, follow all the instructions to the letter — and when it’s all put together, you still have that one kitty left over. [Seinfeld voice] I mean, what is the deal with that?

DIS KIBBLES TASTE FUNY

Keep it, Shannon G., you might need it later.

What’s That, You Say? A Waffle?

"Why, for goodness sakes, it IS a waffle!  And to think, when I sat down here, purely at random and for no particular reason, I had no idea that there would be a waffle nearby — and yet, here is a waffle!  How mysterious the mechanisms of Fate must seem to someone such as I, who likes a nice waffle on occasion, to find one’s gaze suddenly and for no reason fixed upon … but hark, I think there’s someone at the door!  I’ll bet it’s those nice Publisher’s Clearinghouse people with a really big check!"

OK, stay calm ... exude nonchalance ... I think he's buying it ...

Riiiiiiiiiiight, Kyle C.

At the Hide-and-Seek Training Academy

Well, the 2008 Olympics may be a memory, but the hopefuls for 2012 are already getting a head start in the rigorous training for this demanding and often time-consuming event:

...three thousand, six hundred and twenty-SEVEN, three thousand, six hundred and twenty-EIGHT...

And here’s Diego El Kabonngg of Portugal, demonstrating the advanced eye-covering technique that swept him to the silver in 2000:

... five million, seven hundred thousand, two hundred and NINE, ...

Ready or not, here we come, Paula E! (top photo)

Bunz and Frenchie’s Daring Caper

"All right, Frenchie — the coast is clear.  Time to make our move."

Some Lalo Schifrin music would be nice here.

"The old dame keeps the jewels in the penthouse apartment.  All you gotta do is (whisper, whisper)"

Huzza guzza whuzza fluzza...

"Right, boss — here I go!"

BOIINNNGGGG!

"Oh, and I forgot to tell you — the jewels are in a lead-lined safe with a quintuple-combination lock guarded by a laser-targeted motion sensor, fourteen armed guards, three rottweilers, and a delusional attack lizard.  So good luck!"

I'm behind you all the way, pal!

We lose more frogs that way, Janine F.

Cute Is Their Strong Suit

Cuteologist brothers Ron M. and Nick M. have talent in spades, bless their hearts, because they just dealt us this expert recreation of the classic "Dogs Playing Poker" paintings.

Says Ron, "After a hard weeks work chasing rabbits and chewin’ bones, my 2 dawgsRoxie (right) and Meg (left) like to chill out in the kitchen and betsome biscuits on a poker game. As usual, Meg’s gotten carried away and drank more than she can handle while Roxie dominates the game."

Hello, and welcome to every rec room in 1962.

Fun fact: In 2005, a pair of original poker-playing dog paintings sold for US $590,400 at auction.  Too rich for my blood; I fold.

Jurassic Dork

Skillfully shrouded within the dense prehistoric jungle, the deadly velociraptor stalks his prey.  A soulless killing machine, he is as cunning as he is ruthless.  Patiently he waits as his unsuspecting quarry draws closer, and then, without warning … HE STRIKES!

Give it up, pal, you are SOOO dinner!

We all need our dreams, Karen G.

New! From CuteCo!

Is your home or office drowning in documents?  Tame the clutter with PaperCat™ — the revolutionary filing system!  PaperCat is covered with thousands of patented FelineFiber™ micro-hairs that keep important papers under control.  Simply place a document on PaperCat’s patented Cranial Command Center™ …

I file everything under 'M' for 'meow.'

… and like magic, your documents stay put!

Ehhhh ... It's a living.

Order now!  Operator Laura J. is standing by!

A Reminder from Planetary Maintenance

Due to scheduled system upgrades, Gravity will be temporarily shut down from 2 PM to 4 PM EST.  Please secure all outdoor furniture and keep pets indoors.  We appreciate your patience and apologize for any inconvenience.

(insert 'Blue Danube Waltz' here)

We all float down here, Karen G.