Good Eeeeeevening…

Tonight’s gripping tale of terror weaves a sinister web of mistaken identity, espionage, greed, double-parking … and murder.  An innocent bed of lettuce becomes a deathbed in a little story entitled… Ham Sandwich.

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Submitted for your approval*, Sabrina C.  (* Yeah, I know — that was the other guy.)

Top sellers at Etsy

Ooh, this looks nice: “Multi-color blanket, perfect for snuggling during those winter nights. 100 percent hand-crocheted with acrylic yarns. Includes genuine dog noses.  Fits queen bed. Allow 2 weeks delivery; no shipping to PO boxes.”

Well, that seems like a very nice deal, and … DOG NOSES?!

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I don’t even wanna know what’s in the matching throw rugs, Sarah A.

Dog Bless Us, Every One

Behold, the power of Teh Qte:  When we featured the custom pet portraits of Valerie Leonard, cuteologists swarmed her site — but many wanted a more affordable way to enjoy her creations.  And Valerie delivered, with a series of “Animal Ancestor Portraits” note cards, including a set of four holiday cards (sample below).  They’re historical — and hysterical, so check ‘em out.

Keep the milk and cookies, kid, just leave the liquor cabinet unlocked.

Check it Out; I’m an Elephant!

Guys, guys, lookit!  I got the big head, with the long nose thingy!  Wait, I’ll make the funny noise: Phhheeeaaaauuuuuuummmmpf! Hey, somebody throw me a peanut!

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Peanut!  Because I’m an elephant, ya get it?  Guys?  Where’d everybody go?

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Shot and submitted by Tod B., who was sooo in the right place at the right time.

Have You Lost Your Marbles?

Were they a sparkly, shiny, impossibly perfect shade of green?  If so, “Soupie” is using them for eyes, and you can’t have them back, so neener.  But what you can have (and you may want to take a step back, lest the cuteness knock you clean out of your cubicle) is the jaw-dropping, heart-stopping power of the…

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CUTE OVERLOAD ULTRA-EXTREME EYE, NOSE, AND TINY TOOF-HANCE!

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Photo by Ryan F., submitted by Janna V.

I Am Not Disorganized!

Seriously, I’m so organized, it’s scary:

  • I always wash myself in a set pattern (right leg, left leg, right arm, left arm);
  • I sort my dead mousies by length, then by color, then by tail-to-torso ratio;
  • I sleep in the same sunbeam every day, using a weighted algorithm factoring seasonal solar variance against known shade points to determine each day’s optimum floor position and angle of exposure.

So why do people keep saying I’m disorganized?

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I dunno, Pam W., just a feeling.

Because It’s There

Day 17:  I have established base camp at the foot of the treacherous south face, whose sheer, forbidding vertical surface has claimed many an explorer before me.  With the monsoon storms just days away, I must make every precious minute count as I inch my way to the fabled Ceiling of Coyolxauhuiehecatl — and history.

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I claim this post in the name of Erin C.!

Mabel’s Birthday Conundrum

… and so, Mabel settled down in the straw and enjoyed the new scarf her older brother had given her.  But still, her brother’s knowing smirk filled Mabel’s mind with troubling questions.  For instance, why was she dressed just like a baby?  And why was there a baby dressed just like a lamb earlier that week?  But these doubts paled next to the most worrisome question of all…

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Was this scarf knitted from someone I know?

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Spotted at the Bendigo Sheep and Wool Festival in Victoria Australia by kelebek.  More here.

You Could’ve Listened, But Nooooooo

I warned you I was allergic to that shampoo, but did you believe me?  Oh no, not you, think you know everything, don’t you?  Well, now my face is melting, so let’s hear your clever idea for fixing that, Vidal Buffoon!

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Your “Gary” has the (echo effect) Jowls of DESSS-tiny, Heather Y.

Break Out the Pitchforks and Torches!

Washington, D.C. — Outraged legislators renewed calls for banning human-animal hybrids after researchers at the Frankenstein Institute for Extremely Scary Science announced the creation of a “lambaby.”  According to a spokesperson for an angry mob that stormed the Institute, “arghle grumble blaarphle rhubarb rhubarb!”

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I have just one word for you, Brynne M.: PASICKIE!

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