A Slice-of-Life Story

So Kenny, Marv and me hit the links over the weekend.  It was a tough course, with plenty of "beachfront property" and tricky doglegs—or, as we call them, "legs."

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So anyway, Marv overclubbed past the apron on the fifth, but hit the green with a pitch-and-run and drained it for par. Meanwhile, Kenny found his sweet spot and swatted a wormburner straight to the pin for a double eagle!  Or something.

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I have no idea what any of that meant, Russ C.

Wanna See the North Pole, Baby?

Hey, darlin' -- you're so hot, you're curing my frostbite!  You must be the leading cause of global warming, because my polar ice cap is melting, hun-nay!  Better call Santa, because I just saw what I want for Christmas!  So how'm I doin' so far?

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He won't respect you in the morning, Amanda T.

Can I Get One in Paisley?

Ever the innovators, the Japanese revolutionize the world of cuteness yet again -- with the automatic doggie dispenser system! In this leaked prototype testing video, we can see how the patented Rol-Ovr™ rollers gently deliver a fresh, piping hot doggie, in your choice of colorful tunics!

On second thought, Amy R., make that stripes.

Mabel and the Evil Penguin

When she was a little girl, Mabel Flossenglottner had an imaginary friend, a penguin she called Mr. Flappy.  She would run and play with him all day long, and share her most private thoughts.  In return, Mr. Flappy would tell Mabel to ... do things.

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Vintage Qte found by Lindsey J.  (With apologies to the little girl, who probably turned out just fine.)

Casting Call

We love the little critters when they're scampering about -- but sometimes they scamper straight into trouble.  Never fear, however; as Animals in Casts demonstrates, whatever doesn't kill you makes you cuter:

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Eastern-Grey-Kangaroo

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Found by Jessica T.

Tell ‘Em Flopsy Sent You

Don't tell Hugh Hefner, but our friends the Japanese have revived the concept of the "bunny club."  Only this time, the bunnies are real, and customers pay a fee to pet and fondle them -- something you could never do at the old bunny clubs (and I have the restraining orders to prove it).

I'll have the cottontail special with carrot juice, Kimber R.

Um, Why Is My Lunch Eating My Lunch?

In an amazing series of photos, a fearless rat stared down a mighty leopard--and the leopard blinked.  While the puzzled cat sniffed and watched, the rat helped itself to the leopard's steak dinner.  Be sure to read the full story at the Mail Online.

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I've had nightmares like this before, John L. (I'm always the leopard.)

Friday Haiku: Sharing Is Caring

Share and share alike
Unalike? Share anyway
Now share your haiku

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Thanks for sharing, Sheri B.

It’s Time for Cat Massage!

Petting is passé; your cat wants a massage. From Everything is Terrible comes edited highlights from this inane how-to video, offering such pearls of truth as:

  • Massage will randomly transform your cat into a stuffed animal;
  • A "drooler" is not a person specializing in rings and watches;
  • Right-handed people should use their right hand.

Who's the best sender-inner in the United States?  It's you, Nicole M., it's you!

In Just 30 Seconds, You Will Utterly Despise The New York Lottery

Oh sure, it gets off to a promising start, but just you wait: In mere moments, you will yearn for a plague of locusts to blacken the skies above their offices, and to hear the wailing and lamentations of their Marketing executives.

Wait for it... Wa-a-a-a-ait for it...

But sender-inner S.A. thought it was cute, so we'll let them live.