What Is This, a G.I. Joke?

Hey, kid–do l look like a toy?  You see “Made in Taiwan” stamped on me, like I’m some kinda toy here to frickin’ amuse you?  Get a kung-fu grip, pal.  I’m not a taxi service for your little action figures, so tell Paratrooper Paul here to say “Geronimo”!

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Now, For Some Reason, a Snow Leopard

Woke up this morning and thought: “You know what I’d really like to see?  A baby snow leopard.  That’s what I’d like to see.  A snow leopard would be awesome.”

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No special occasion, really–just in the mood for a snow leopard, for some reason.  You know what they say: When you gotta have a snow leopard, you gotta have a snow leopard.  I’m just saying, that’s all, hum dee dumm, loot de dooo…

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Oh look!  There’s video, too!  Wait for the squeak at the end!

Photos and video by Tambako the Jaguar.

Friday Haiku: Outta the Pool, Fool

Fish are friends, not food
But frankly, felines and fins?
Far from a fine fit

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Tanks a million, Maria N.

Yes, Please

(… OK, play it cool now; let him keep dangling it for a bit… just wander past nonchalantly… look interested, but not too interested… then just casually stroll over and oh who the hell am I kidding I want it I want it give it to me it’s my birthright as an adorable woodland creature dammit it’s mine all mine!!!)

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Now I’m wondering what he’d do for a Klondike bar, Maria N.

Sneak in the Grass

Ensheathed within the dense jungle grasses, the deadly black mamba slithers undetected.  Silently, the cold-blooded killer glides closer to its quarry…

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… and with one lightning-quick thrust of its venomous… fangs, he..

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… never mind.

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Lethally cute, Jessica W.

Where’s the Fire?

Yee-up, I’m a big-time fireman, and this here’s my big-time fire boat.  Forty thousand gallons per minute of pure firefighting muscle, baby, right here.  Bring it.

So… got any fires you need put out?  Maybe a fleet we can welcome with our cannon?  ‘Cause me and my crew are totally ready… all right, just me, but still…

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Sent by Marshall B., who swears he just found the little feller sitting like that.

Hanging On by a Shred

“Hurry up, Maggie!  If we don’t have these taped back together, we’re fired for sure!  Jeez, you just had to push the ‘shred’ button, didn’t you?”

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“Hey, you wanted to see how it worked.  Heck, I wanted to stay in bed this morning, but nooooyou had to drag me to workWell, I hope you’re happy!

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Yes, it’s the return of Maggie and Bergamot, courtesy of repeat offender Tina K.

Can’t Talk Now. Bottle Time.

Don’t bother me.  I’m in the zone.

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Bottle Time requires absolute Zen calm and concentration.

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One must not merely drink, one must become one with the bottle, nourishing the soul as well as the body with its creamy beige goodness…

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Ah, that’s better. Now, what was your question again?

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Awesome foster-mommying, Jennifer S. (and photographer Melissa M.).

Curse of Monkula

Once again, as he has done for centuries, the cursed vampire rises from his grave to feast.  Mad with hunger, the wretched fiend spies his next victim, an unsuspecting villager.  He waits in the shadows; his prey draws nearer… and then, with inhuman speed, the monster strikes!

(Jerry Lewis voice) Oy, Mr. Nice Vampire, stop with the biting on my tender young neck that is painful to me, please maybe you could?

More monkeyshines at the Daily Mail.

So What’s the Deal With the Turtles?

Our more astute readers may have noticed a slight turtle-y theme in today’s material.  It’s not just for Teh Qte; it’s also a shout-out to the toughest girl I know.

It's not so bad, once you get used to it...

Recently, a relative of mine was badly injured in a car crash.  She’s home from the hospital now, but her crawl to a full recovery is only just beginning.

I'm always ready to go camping...

She’ll be spending part of that recovery in a back brace that, I’m told, makes her look a bit like a turtle.  So I hope you’ll join me in saying “Get Well Soon, Turtle Girl!”

I'm my own Winnebago!

And thanks to slow-and-steady sender-inner Dominika D.