Toast Ghost Coast-to-Coast!

“My mom was really craving a BLT one night,” says sender-inner Sharon S., “and squirted this mayo man on her toast!”

“She ran upstairs to show me and we laughed SO hard.  We have it frozen in our fridge.”

Mysterious Vision Seen in Cracker!

Meet Captain Pennywhistle, whose owners, Becky and David, discovered her talent for sculpture when they gave her an extra-large cracker for a treat.  A couple of days later, they found the partially-eaten cracker in her cage.

“I think it looks exactly like a chipmunk!” says Becky. “We’re considering selling it on eBay.”

Strained Carrots? My Favorite!

(Man, this is the sweetest babysitting gig ever.  The kid smears the food on his face, and I get to lick it off.  I hope he managed to get some dessert on the other side.)

That’s got to be the cleanest baby in history, Samantha M.

Just Two More Minutes, Ma

I’m, ah, working on my school project!  Yeah, that’s it, and I just need three more minutes.  I’ll be right in for lunch in just four minutes, honest.  OK, five minutes.

I Am The Magical Lumpfish!

… and you caught me fair and square, so I shall grant you three wishes! But (gasp!) if I could offer a suggestion (wheeze!), and far be it from me (choke!) to influence what I’m sure (urk!) must be a challenging decision (harrgh!), but you might want your first wish (aaack!) to be for a fish tank, (hurrp!) maybe a bucket of water…

Photo by Tobi M., who assures us that the little feller swam safely away afterward.

Every Thanksgiving, It’s the Same Thing

Aunt Leticia drinks all the cooking sherry, Grandpa and Cousin Harold argue politics, Cousin Wendell tells us about the latest cult he just joined, and I get stuck babysitting Aunt Brunhilde’s kids, Rollo and Yappo.  That’s it, man; I’m outta here.

Just read this leaflet, Marilyn T. — it’ll totally change your life.

THIS JUST IN: Bebeh Rhino

Rule of Cuteness #10-b:  If you haven’t grown into your feet yet and/or your mom can impale people, you’re cute.  So let’s keep a safe distance and welcome the newest baby white rhino born at Busch Gardens in Tampa, Florida.

Photo by Matt Marriott/Thanks to sender-inner Nick G.

Return of Ninja Cat!

The steps of the ninja warrior must be as silent as the morning mist upon the ground.  To avoid detection, he must be as still as the midnight air.  He must be as fearless as — GAAAHHH NOOOOO GIANT HAND GIANT HAND RUN AWAY!!!

Mind Your Manors

This week, on “Lifestyles of the Prosh and Redonkulous,” we visit Monteigh Hall, home of toenail-clipper heiress Lady Propecia Monteigh Phipps-Gargle.

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The stately mansion overlooking the Floofitania River, home to generations of her ancestors, is currently under the exacting watch and care of this dynamic doyenne.

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From hosting gala balls, to her designer shoelace empire, to romantic getaways with princes and movie stars, this jet-setter is always on the move and in the know.

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But her most important role is doting mother.  Here we join Lady Propecia during her weekly visit with daughter Phoebe, cared for by her faithful nanny Hannah.

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And finally, we bid farewell to Lady Propecia in her boudoir.  “This is where my heart is,” she explains, “where I unwind from the stress of my impossibly perfect life.”

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Absolutely fabulous, Melanie H.

Good Eeeeeevening…

Tonight’s gripping tale of terror weaves a sinister web of mistaken identity, espionage, greed, double-parking … and murder.  An innocent bed of lettuce becomes a deathbed in a little story entitled… Ham Sandwich.

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Submitted for your approval*, Sabrina C.  (* Yeah, I know — that was the other guy.)

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