Benson Hedges, Private Eye in: The Case of the Kidnapped Kitties!

It was one of those nights when all a tired gumshoe wants is to get away from the babes and bullets and have a nice meal in a restaurant where they don’t pat you down for weapons. And so I was about to drown my sorrows in a bowl of Miss Kitty’s famous five-alarm chili when it hit me: Miss Kitty was gone!

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Now, another Joe might have shrugged it off, but when this nose smells trouble, buddy, I follow it. So my partner and I staked out an abandoned warehouse…

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“Follow me,” I said. “We’re going in!” But he just stood there with that dopey grin on his face. He was too yellow, and I’d have to go it alone.

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When I got inside, I could hear muffled voices, saying something about “a day without cats.” So that was their plan; Miss Kitty was only the beginning. They wouldn’t stop until they’d stolen every kitten from the Internet — unless I stopped them first.

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Can Benson corral the catty kidnappers and crack the case? Will tomorrow truly be A Day Without Cats? Stay tuned for the next thrilling episode!

Photos from “My Hedgehog” by Yoppy.

Mmmm… Crunchy!

Golly, I just haven’t been getting enough fiber in my diet lately… Say, this looks tasty… earmn nawm nawm munch munch…

Baby Mongooses… Mongeese… (um…)

The Bronx Zoo recently welcomed a trio of baby mongooseses… er, mongoosi.  Here, mama mongoose monitors her mongoslings.  (Hm, that didn’t sound right… mongrels, maybe? Nah, really no…)

Raiders of the Lost Ook

Dr. Jones coiled his bullwhip and gazed at the crumbling stone altar just paces away.  Atop it sat the squat bronze idol, as it had for centuries, returning his gaze with mocking contempt.

“Let us hurry,” said the guide.  “There is nothing to fear here.”

“That’s what scares me,” said Jones.

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Once again, Chantal P., what was briefly yours is now mine! (evil laughter)

Friday Haiku: “Oops, We Forgot” Edition

Blah blah blah blah dog
Blah blah blah blah blah blah chick
Blah blah write haiku

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Your pup’s quite a chick magnet, Lauren R.

Cue Overload

My friends, we got trouble!  Right here in River City!  With a capital “T” and that rhymes with “C” and that stands for cute!

A Vacation Horror Story

It was the worst Mardi Gras of Estelle’s life.

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For starters, she and her girlfriends hardly got any beads at all.

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And then the hotel overbooked and they had to huddle together outside.

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And worst of all, this place didn’t look anything like New Orleans.

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Photos by Ryan M., who isn’t quite sure how the kitties got those pearls.

No, You Really Didn’t See This Picture

This page never happened.  You didn’t see anything.  We were never here.

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(OK, before you flip out, note that the cat goes all the way to the bottom of the pitcher, which means that the blade unit is not installed.)

Oh, Red-and-White Stripey Object…

…thank you for being my soulmate. Before you entered my life, I’d tried them all: Round jingling thing that hides under the sofa, pink squeaking porcine animal replica, black clacking object that joins papers at one corner (actually, you really want to keep your tongue away from those things)…

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But they just don’t understand me the way you do, my diagonally alternating friend.  And that’s why this time it’s — dare I say it? — really love.  I love you more than any cat’s ever loved a hastily-manufactured red-and-white stripey cloth bag.

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That’s some serious sandpaper on that tongue, Nancy H.

Your Guide to Evil Marketing

Lesson Twelve: When confronted with a truly challenging sales assignment, such as a Ponzi scheme, or cans of chemical-laced swill, the savvy marketer will reach for his secret weapon: The cute puppy.

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Simply by placing a cute puppy in your advertisement, you will reduce the brains of your readers to a quivering puddle of Tapioca, rendering them helpless to your diabolical suggestions.

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Musssssst … haaaave … Pepsi, … Amber S.