The Major Is Not Pleased

Balderstuff and poppyrot! It appears that my local chemist’s has depleted its supply of Whickham and Warwick’s Wildroot Wonder Whisker Wax! Now I shall be forced to attend the annual reunion dinner of the 51st North Southeasterwest Light Infantry looking like an unkempt assortment of discarded pipe cleaners! The outrage!

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“She can shoot laser beams from her moustache,” boasts Redditor threeswordstyle.

Science Run Amok!

Science ethicists have raised concerns about the project known as the Large Corgion Collider, noting that a mishap could open a quantum tunnel into a parallel universe ruled by corgis.

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Invasion of the Pug People!

ATTENTION EARTHLOIDS AND HUMANETTES! THE ERA OF PUG CONSCIOUSNESS IS AT HAND! SUBMIT TO YOUR PUG OVERLORDS AND BECOME WRINKLY AND ADORABLE IN THE GLORIOUS PUG COLLECTIVE!

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Via Fark.

Welcome to Fort Bunday

In order to get in, you’ll need the secret password, plus two forms of photo ID, a letter of reference from the finance minister of Sri Lanka, an exceedingly rare Pokemon “Bunnzilla” card, a three-and-a-half leaf clover, and a carrot.

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Via C_ossett.

The Things I Do for a Ham Sandwich

“(OK, just stay calm, he’s almost finished, I think I hear him spreading the mayo now… There’s the crinkling of the wax paper, almost time now… Keep it together, focus, just open your mouth and think like a backpack…)”

“When he gets in trouble, this is his ‘time out’ spot,” explains Redditor johneydepp.

Ouch in the Couch

We always enjoy when Aunt Hildegarde comes to visit. She’s so full of interesting stories about faraway places and fascinating people, that we just lose track of time.

Then she gets up to leave, and we realized that’s not all we lost track of…

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Rock On, Turtle Dude!

When they were home alone, Biff and Leroy would often while away many an hour headbanging to “Bohemian Rhapsody.”

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Who Was That Masked Man?

Edgar considered himself a smart and savvy individual, but he still fell for the “OMG that smokin’ hot poodle in the next yard is sunbathing again quick get the binoculars and check it out” trick every time.

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Via Dan Zacky.

I Hate When This Happens

Man, I have the worst luck. I finally work up the courage to ask that nice Jeannine from Receivables on a date, and she actually said yes! So I pay $300 for front-row concert seats, and just as we’re on our way there, that’s when The Rapture happens. Now what am I supposed to do with this extra ticket?

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A Touchy ‘Tocktober Topic

“(Ugh, it’s that time of year again, when that Cute Overdraft website goes around taking sneaky pictures of butts and then writes silly things about them. Well, they better not try that with me, or…)”

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“What?! You were behind me the whole time, weren’t you, you naughty scamps! Well, I hope you got my good side, ah ha ha ha! Seriously, though, I’m going to need to rip your arm off now…”

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Via Susan Rose (top) and Mark Dumont.

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