Kids These Days, They Just Stand There

Why, when I was their age, I was leaping and frolicking all over the place! Now look at ‘em — stiff as statues.

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Via Sam Lavy.

Wanna Play Chicken?

When Vito the macaw wants to go for a race
He leads earthbound friends on a cross-country chase
Neck and neck for a stretch, like they’re flying together,
Then he shuts ‘em down, saying “kiss my tail feather!”

Maybe if I Jiggled the Handle of Fate…

Dear Diary: At last, the Tall Ones have made a critical misstep, and enlightenment is within my reach. They have left open the doorway to the Porcelain Oracle, a swirling vortex through which all that is hidden may be revealed. Now, if I can only learn its workings…

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“Furry little ball doing nonsense at home!” says Flickr-er Natasia Causse. “I took this picture before realizing that the toilet lid was up.”

A Little More Nuts Than Usual

IMPORTANT: Trader Schmoe’s has announced a recall of its current batch of almond cookies due to a tendency for the cookies to become hostile. Any attempt to eat these cookies may result in injury, possibly laughter-related.

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“These almond cookies are very aggressive,” notes Redditor ateraxiaa.

Chill Out, Dude

Yeah, it’s dark and the food’s a little tough to chew, but I’m cool with the climate.

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“Our Husky Stark seemed a little overheated after his walk this morning, so we decided to tried something out. We regret it now because it is next to impossible to get him to come out,” laments Redditor AmericanCarrot.

Oh, Madame, You Look Ravisheeng

Zat hat, eet ees so becomeeng on you! Ze style, ze co-lairs, ze jaunty plumage, eet transforms madame into ze vee-shon of lovliness, non?

vHWOYAU

Diver Advisory Cautionary Warning Alert!

Due to the combined effects of acid rain, global warming, fracking runoff, radioactive fallout, burst sewage pipelines, and motor oil poured down storm drains, divers are advised that prolonged exposure to reef water may cause slight facial skin irritation.

Read more about it in The Mirror.

Sliding into Home

Roger, Mallard Air niner-niner, you are cleared for landing on runway three. Be advised that runway conditions may be a little icy, over.

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Two, Tired

14836778162_ed937b4778_kFlickrer Mark Peters rolls out the story: “Last week, Poplar Spring Animal Sanctuary accepted a mother pig and her babies into the fold. PETA rescued this family from a trash-filled pen in a trailer park in North Carolina. Now they can munch on grass, sleep in a straw-filled bed, and live out their lives together with lots of space to roam in, mud pools to cool off in, and a family of more than 40 other pigs to socialize with.”

2 Kute Krew

That’s DJ Marmie on turntable, DJ OtherMarmie on other turntable, and DJ OtherOtherMarmie on the Phatbeatdownator 3000.

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