Rock On, Turtle Dude!

When they were home alone, Biff and Leroy would often while away many an hour headbanging to “Bohemian Rhapsody.”

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Who Was That Masked Man?

Edgar considered himself a smart and savvy individual, but he still fell for the “OMG that smokin’ hot poodle in the next yard is sunbathing again quick get the binoculars and check it out” trick every time.

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Via Dan Zacky.

I Hate When This Happens

Man, I have the worst luck. I finally work up the courage to ask that nice Jeannine from Receivables on a date, and she actually said yes! So I pay $300 for front-row concert seats, and just as we’re on our way there, that’s when The Rapture happens. Now what am I supposed to do with this extra ticket?

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A Touchy ‘Tocktober Topic

“(Ugh, it’s that time of year again, when that Cute Overdraft website goes around taking sneaky pictures of butts and then writes silly things about them. Well, they better not try that with me, or…)”

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“What?! You were behind me the whole time, weren’t you, you naughty scamps! Well, I hope you got my good side, ah ha ha ha! Seriously, though, I’m going to need to rip your arm off now…”

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Via Susan Rose (top) and Mark Dumont.

A Familiar Ring

To earn extra cash for dog treats, Harold would sometimes rent himself out as a lawn ornament.

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“This resident of Caerwys managed to bark like fury and still keep hold of the play ring!” says Flickr-er Andrew.

Why Hasn’t He Called?

I… (snif!) I just don’t understand it! He said he loved me! That I was the only one for him! (sniffle!) Now I just want to drown my sorrows in ice cream and watch Lifetime Network! (baaaaaaw!)


Notice to All Tenants

The monorail raccoon has temporarily broken down somewhere between the 37th and 43rd floors. We apologize for the inconvenience.

“The situation at my friends apartment right now,” says Redditor soupoder.

Disc-inclined to Help

Do we have Carmine “Bossa” Nova’s 1963 recording of Mellow Moods for Modern Muchachos? Yeah, I think that’s in storage downstairs, I could get up and… actually no, we don’t have that.

How about Death, Death, Pancakes, and Death by Sçhrëêçhår? Well, we got a big shipment of metal last week, so it’s probably in one of the boxes in… on second thought, no it isn’t.

Drowning in Ecstatic Sorrow by Lorelei Whistenbleen? I think that’s… Actually, you know what? We don’t sell records here. We’re just, um, a front for organized crime. Yeah. Probably want to leave before you get whacked.

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According to Reddit, this is Love Garden in Lawrence, Kansas.

Meanwhile, at the Ernst Fleetman Institution for the Study of Uncontrollable Sprinting…

“SoBeckyandGailfromAccountingaskedaboutyoulastweekand (huff, puff) Itoldthemyouweredoingmuchbetterandthatyou’dprobablybe (huff, puff) outinaweekortwobutfranklyIdon’tseeanynoticablechangein (huff, puff) yourconditionAreyoutakingthosepillsthedoctorgaveyou? (huff, puff)”

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Next Week, on The Guiding Leash

With their yearlong, multimillion-dollar divorce nearly finalized, Francis and Foofy Finklestein divide their remaining property: three boxes of paper clips and a Yanni CD. Winner gets the paper clips.

Meanwhile, Melanie Boogerwiper confronts shady blackmailer Emil von Waffle, who claims to have photographic proof that Melanie once owned an entire set of the “Police Academy” movies.

And in a secluded room at the No Names Please Motel on the edge of town, forbidden lovers Lance and Sheila engage in a stimulating discussion on the unknowable nature of the cosmos…

Via Petteri Sulonen.

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