Totally True Tales of Terribly Tense Terror!

“There I was, alone inside the forbidden treasure chamber of Ali oop-Zamfir. I had just looted the entire collection of first edition AOL free trial CDs when I heard a ferocious roar. I turned, and there were four of the fiercest, hungriest tigers I had ever seen. They backed me into a corner. All hope seemed lost, when…” (finish the story in the comments!)

19128789814_8509c163ab_b

Via Adam Rifkin/Pandawhale.

The Cute Crusader!

Whenever there is someone who needs cuddling, wherever there are pant legs that need rubbing against, wherever there are sofas without hair on them, this mysterious masked mouser, this hairball-hacking hero is there!

1427864211_65

Via batona.net (Russian)

With a Name Like “Fluffy,” Whad’ja Expect?

No sooner did Mrs. Fluffy get comfortable on her favorite pillow, when she discovered that she had become someone else’s favorite pillow.

18976173536_f43383ed9a_o

Via Yoppy.

It’s Music to My Ears!

When this puppeh hears her favorite jam, she cuts loose as best she can, yo, the toes start tappin’, the ears start flappin’, to the rhythm of the rappin’, yo, but it could be just clever engineering, ’cause there may be a human hand puppeh-teering, and furthermore yo.

Life Is Hard For Mildly Perturbed Cat

From his favorite spot, almost but not quite in the shade of the large oak tree, Mildly Perturbed Cat contemplates the dissatisfying state of his existence.

18948093309_ba2c7b7848_z

So many of his feline brethren have found fame and adulation on the Internet. His cousin Grumpy adorns books and T-shirts; Happy from down the block can has all the cheezburger he wants.

18946515980_3cf15ab9b8_z

Yet this parade of stardom and glory passes him by. He is anonymous, forgotten, celebrated by none save for a single hack writer on an obscure cute-animal website.

18948096719_88e4d8ab92_z

Via Steve Freeman.

That Trump, He’s Such a Card

I’m telling ya, this latest meme is yooge. This meme is gonna be the biggest meme of all the memes that ever hit the Intermeme, and I’ll bet my nine billion dollar fortune on it: Cats… with hair… like mine!

11385244_1671323223100757_1417003322_n

I’m telling ya, it’s sweeping the nation! People using #trumpyourcat to show America what real class looks like, the kind of class that only guys with a ten-billion dollar net worth usually can afford.

11428187_1642106572667704_152300034_n

Can you feel it, America? Can you smell it? That is the smell of Trumpmentum, ladies and gentlemen! So grab your cat, grab some hair trimmings, and let’s make this happen! If this ain’t the biggest thing ever, then I ain’t a man with 12 billion dollars!

11418900_511120885713071_290282482_n

Via… oh, just everybody.

I’m a Watchdog! Get It?

Because I’m a dog, and I’m attached to your wrist, just like a watch, so I’m kind of like a watch that’s also a dog… Dang, this joke was so much funnier before smartphones came along.

Clfgw6f

“This means she loves you,” notes Redditor olafwa.

Kids These Days and their Expectations

“Honey, I’m sorry they didn’t have any shopping carts shaped like racing cars. How about mommy buys you a big box of Tuna-Snax instead?”

8aR22sC

Take This Back and Tell the Cook He’s Fired!

I specifically ordered chilled, organic, gluten-free, non-GMO, ethically-sourced, free-range, Gala apple slices, and you serve me chilled, organic, gluten-free, non-GMO, ethically-sourced, free-range, Granny Smith apple slices! Has the entire world gone completely insane?!

bunny-wont-eat

You Had One Job, Rex! One Job!

I drive all the way to the ballpark when I’m supposed to be at the office, buy an extra ticket just to get you in here, we walk halfway around the stadium looking for a concession stand that sells “frankfurters” because you think “hot dogs” is speciesist, so when Manny Mota hits a once-in-a-career homer into our section, you’re supposed to catch the freaking ball!

pGphPym

Via Reddit/Imgur.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 17,416 other followers