How to Mess With a Dalmatian

Sit her down, take her by the collar, look her forcefully in the eye, and say “You’re not really a dalmatian, you know. We’ve been painting those spots on you every night while you’re asleep.”

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Via Son of Groucho.

Talk Like a Pirate Day, It Be!

Ahoy there, mateys! September 19 be known as International Talk Like a Pirate Day in these waters, ye scurvy swab! So stow yer landlubber lingo and fill the comments with ye best pirate-ese!  ARRRR!

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Via modernrockstar on Flickr.

The Fascinating Human Body

Among nature’s miracles we find the leukocytes, or white blood cells. These form the backbone of the immune system, fighting off invaders such as diseases and Visigoths. In this simulation, a cluster of styrophilli cells rally to subdue felinus lazii, which is a strain of parasite.

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Via Sean McGrath.

Now in the Handy Six-Pack!

Having a party this weekend? Don’t forget the quackers!

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Via Jannes Pockele.

Super Mario Otter!

Problems with your pipes? Call Otto’s Plumbing Repairs! We have just the part you need!

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Via unremoved on Reddit, where just about every plumbing pun has already been plumbed.

Sandwich? What Sandwich?

I had no idea you were eating a sandwich. I’m just standing here, mentally cataloging my squeaky toys, and totes not even caring that you’re eating a moist, filling, savory sandwich. Pinky swear.

Via Vine.

Tell Them to Call Back!

(Sheesh, why do people always seem to call when I’m taking a bath?)

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Sand Trap? No, Bear Trap

Some golfers in Vancouver encountered a most adorable hazard: A bear cub who treated them to an impromptu interpretive dance before making off with their ball. (Caution: Don’t get as close to a baby bear as these fellas did, or you might run into one teed-off mama.)

Meanwhile, at Yuck-a-Bucks Comedy Club…

Hey it’s great to be here you’re a lovely audience but last night was a tough crowd lemmie tellya So many guys in camouflage I thought the place was empty I says I know you’re out there I can hear you reloading Don’t get me wrong I love my wife but I wish she’d stop hanging her pantyhose on my antlers am I right fellas But I can’t complain at least I get good TV reception…

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“You’d be smiling too, if you just realized it was a camera being pointed at you and not a hunter with a gun,” notes photog Jamie McCaffrey.

Dance Dance Repudiation

Despite her skill as a kibble dancer, Cornelia Corgi was disappointed to be eliminated from Dancing with the Stars when she failed to grasp the concept of the cha-cha.

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Via Refeia on Flickr.

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