Try Mega-Gro Plant Food!

Add “boom” to your bloom in every room! Only Mega-Gro has the added ingredient Blayvin-35, for roses that radiate, tulips that triumph, and daisies that dazzle! You won’t believe your eyes!

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Via Alexander Lyubavin.

Why, Mr. Callis, You Imprudent Scoundrel…

You of all people should know better than to violate the sanctity of a lady’s boudoir without so much as knocking. But as long as you’re here…

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Via Chill Wildlife and sender-inner Arne.

Fish Makes Fetch Happen

Normally, you play “fetch” with a dog. Well, there’s something fishy about this dog.

Jazz Paws!

After months of rigorous training with veteran choreographers, Fluffykins knew she was a lock to take first place in the International Kitten Freestyle Dance Competition.

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Via Adam Rifkin on Pandawhale.

You Are Too Late, Mr. Bond…

Even now, as we chat amicably, my elite army of female ninja cyber-assassins is pouring my secret hypno-toxin formula into the world’s orange juice supply. After breakfast tomorrow, every orange juice drinker on Earth will be my helpless slave, and world domination shall be mine! Mine! MINE!

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Via Stephan Kareth.

Every Video Game Wizard…

… needs a video game lizard! You get a place to rest your controller, the lizard gets a nice warm body to lie on — everybody wins!

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“The only way to play LEGO Jurassic Park is with a pet dinosaur helping,” says Redditor delkarnu.

 

I’m Just Taking a Break

A carefree boy, a reckless lad, my day was off and running,
But oh! the bang-up wreck I had, I never saw it coming
So now I sit and convalesce, my joyful style is hampered
But I’m kept comfy while I rest; my human keeps me pampered
So pity me not, o kindly friend, this sorry state won’t last
Sometimes when you cast fate to wind, your fate’s to wind up in a cast.

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“A bad night, but you’ll be playing very soon!” says Flickr-er Julio Roman Fariñas.

The Amazing Kitten-in-a-Bottle!

Looking for a truly unique hobby idea? Anyone can build a ship in a bottle, but can you build Kitten-in-a-Bottle?™ We’ll send you everything you need: Fur, claws, pawpads, teeth, bones, and brain (not required; available in Deluxe kit only). Follow the simple instructions and — Voila! — your very own Kitten-in-a-bottle to delight and astound your friends! Order today!

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Via Emergency Kittens.

You Put de Lime in de Koo-Koo Pup

In the manner of a tune you oldsters may remember, here’s a boxer having a nice time with a lime, until… CITRUS ATTACK! WHEEP! WHEEP! Here’s a tip, pup: Those things are much better con cerveza.

I Got It… I Got It… I Got It…

… um, I don’t got it.

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