In Just 30 Seconds, You Will Utterly Despise The New York Lottery

Oh sure, it gets off to a promising start, but just you wait: In mere moments, you will yearn for a plague of locusts to blacken the skies above their offices, and to hear the wailing and lamentations of their Marketing executives.

Wait for it… Wa-a-a-a-ait for it…

But sender-inner S.A. thought it was cute, so we’ll let them live.

The GIFs That Keep on Giving

Browse enough message boards, or open enough e-mails, and odds are you’ve seen a few animated GIF images — tiny video clips full of endlessly-repeating hilarity, their sources long forgotten. Below, a few favorites (about 2MB each):

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The Last Puppy Video You Will Ever Need

Fellow peeps, you are just one imperceptible hand movement away from the Holy Grail of canine cuteness.  This one has it all: Five fluffy Maltese eating each others’ heads, random squeaking and whimpering, gratuitous roughhousing, awkward stacking, yawning and falling over, and if that wasn’t enough, one of them rolls in its own food!  Now how much would you pay?

Two Perspectives

Slippy slimy

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Greasy grimy

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Sliding slowly

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Small and lowly

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Topsy-turvy

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World is curvy

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Creepy crawly

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That is all-ly

Ah, that's better.

Nice patio, Amanda M.

Meanwhile, in Kennel 101…

Winston Smith’s response to the interrogation is more restrained than anticipated:

Rubber Duckie, You’re So Huge

Don’t tell Ernie, but someone zapped his favorite tubbie toy (or our mascot) with the Giganto-Ray and sent it on a goodwill tour.  Hatched by Dutch artist Florentijn Hofman, this 9.5m tall by 11m long rubber duck has been spotted in Europe, Japan, and Brazil.  More photos here, and don’t miss the video below.

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This Just In: Baby Elephant in Utah

Actually, make that this just out, because the Hogle Zoo in Utah introduced a new baby elephant, born to first-time mom Christie on August 10.  The calf, a girl, went on public display over the weekend.

Pink baby elephant feet

Many more photos here, and watch her get rambunctious in this video.

THIS JUST JUST IN (10:08PM PT) courtesy of Holly B.:

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Help Me, Moldy-wan Baloney…

(The following has been typed in Overact-O-Vision™, which will cause you to hear it in the Emperor’s voice from “Return of the Jedi.”  Discontinue use if you experience dizziness, tingling in extremities, or urge to chew scenery.)

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Goooood, my young apprentice.  I can feel the “squee” swelling within you now.  With each passing moment you make yourself more my servant.

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I am defenseless.  Take your Jedi weapon.  Strike me down with all of your redonkulousness and your journey towards the cute side will be complete!

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From Animals With Lightsabers, found by Bill S.

Aaaaaaaaa-doggggggg…

We take you now to the monastery at St. Walkies, for a rare glimpse of monks of the Brotherhood of the Sacred Tirebiters as they begin their morning chant…

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Et expecto dominos parcheesi ipso facto kemosabe nolo contendre inflagrante corpus delicti utecay overloadway alendarscay akemay eatgreay iftsgay…

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ettypray oochpay, Kathy W.

I Had The Strangest Dream Last Night

I dreamed that some mysterious force whisked me away into a bleak, endless limbo, where there was no light or sound or even time…

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…and there I stayed for one full day, with no dogs to tease, or legs to rub against, or squeaky toys to mangle, or the scent of sweet, delicious tuna…

Why would anyone want a day without me?  I'm fabulous!

And then I woke up here in my bed.  But it was just a dream, wasn’t it, honey?

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… or was it, Jen B.?