Oh, mah darrr-leeng (smack! smooch!) … our loff (slurp! nibble!), eet weel leev for-evaire… (grope! squeeze!) Until ze sun, she goes cold (honk!) and ze leetle stars, they stop (om nom nom!) with their tweenk-leeng… (whoops! crash!)
So Kenny, Marv and me hit the links over the weekend. It was a tough course, with plenty of “beachfront property” and tricky doglegs—or, as we call them, “legs.”
So anyway, Marv overclubbed past the apron on the fifth, but hit the green with a pitch-and-run and drained it for par. Meanwhile, Kenny found his sweet spot and swatted a wormburner straight to the pin for a double eagle! Or something.
I have no idea what any of that meant, Russ C.
Ever the innovators, the Japanese revolutionize the world of cuteness yet again — with the automatic doggie dispenser system! In this leaked prototype testing video, we can see how the patented Rol-Ovr™ rollers gently deliver a fresh, piping hot doggie, in your choice of colorful tunics!
On second thought, Amy R., make that stripes.
When she was a little girl, Mabel Flossenglottner had an imaginary friend, a penguin she called Mr. Flappy. She would run and play with him all day long, and share her most private thoughts. In return, Mr. Flappy would tell Mabel to … do things.
Vintage Qte found by Lindsey J. (With apologies to the little girl, who probably turned out just fine.)
We love the little critters when they’re scampering about — but sometimes they scamper straight into trouble. Never fear, however; as Animals in Casts demonstrates, whatever doesn’t kill you makes you cuter:
Found by Jessica T.
Don’t tell Hugh Hefner, but our friends the Japanese have revived the concept of the “bunny club.” Only this time, the bunnies are real, and customers pay a fee to pet and fondle them — something you could never do at the old bunny clubs (and I have the restraining orders to prove it).
I’ll have the cottontail special with carrot juice, Kimber R.
In an amazing series of photos, a fearless rat stared down a mighty leopard–and the leopard blinked. While the puzzled cat sniffed and watched, the rat helped itself to the leopard’s steak dinner. Be sure to read the full story at the Mail Online.
I’ve had nightmares like this before, John L. (I’m always the leopard.)
Petting is passé; your cat wants a massage. From Everything is Terrible comes edited highlights from this inane how-to video, offering such pearls of truth as:
- Massage will randomly transform your cat into a stuffed animal;
- A “drooler” is not a person specializing in rings and watches;
- Right-handed people should use their right hand.
Who’s the best sender-inner in the United States? It’s you, Nicole M., it’s you!