Urgent Health Action Alert Bulletin!

Attention all pigs!  There is an elevated risk of a deadly strain of “girl flu.”  If not treated early, girl flu can lead to death, or in extreme cases, cooties.   Pigs are urged to avoid prolonged contact with girls, and also avoid activities which may weaken the immune system, such as shopping or watching romantic comedies.

kissy_piggie

Did somebody lose a bet, Florence A.?

My Heart Will Blorp On

Of all the dangers faced by ancient mariners, none was more deadly or feared than the Giant Blorpular Sealberg.  These free-floating islands of blubber concealed as much as nine-tenths of their mass below the surface, just waiting to bounce any ship foolish enough to pass too close.

ss-090921-AT-02.ss_full

I Just Don’t Know Where I Find the Time

Boy, have I got a busy day planned.

First, I have to put off cleaning out the rain gutters, then I’ve got to avoid painting the spare bedroom.

And somewhere in between not edging the front lawn and forgetting to take out the trash, I’ve got to carve out time to refrain from cleaning the attic…

lazy-frog

See also. ;)

Your-Kitten-Overlords-Must-Be-Obeyed

PEOPLE–OF–EARTH … IT–IS–USELESS–TO–RESIST … YOU–MUST–COMPLY–WITH–OUR–DEMANDS–OR–SUFFER–THE–CONSEQUENCES:

  1. ALL–DOGS–MUST–LEARN–TO–PLAY–THE–ZITHER
  2. TEXAS–AND–SWEDEN–SHALL–CHANGE–PLACES
  3. WATER–SKIS–AND–LEDERHOSEN–MUST–BE–WORN–AT–ALL–TIMES

Red light!  Green light!  Red light!  Green light! Redlightgreenlight!

I’ll look for you in the labor camp, Natalie D.

Maru, Master of Disguise!

And now, ladies and gentlemen, a few quick impressions:

0:16: Big Rodent is watching you, citizen…

0:31: I’m a tiger!  No, I’m an elephant!  No, I’m a tiger!  Ah, the heck with it.

1:18: And finally, our very special guest star, Homeru Simp-san! Let’s hear it!

Like it, Ximena H.?  We love it!

Oh, Never Mind

Welcome back to “Health Chat,” and our next guest is immunologist Dr. Colobus G. Ibbon, who claims to have developed a 100-percent reliable method to prevent allergic reactions.  Dr. Ibbon, would you share with our viewers the details of this truly remarkable discovery?

Just cut to a commercial, Connie H.

Hammy Birthday to You

A-a-ah y-y-yes, th-th-the ev-ev-ever p-p-popular “vi-vi-vibrating p-p-party h-h-hat” t-t-trick…  V-v-very f-f-funny…

SANY0450

Did you bring enough Fig Newtons for everyone, Lesley G.?

Friday Haiku: Opposites Distract

Black cat with white trim
Cuddles white bun with black eye
Your verse adds color

koko and rosie

Sender-inner Carolyne says:  “Yesterday afternoon we found our cat Koko had managed to lift the gate and climb in to Rosie, our bunny’s pen. Rosie didn’t seem too thrilled but let Koko cuddle up to her anyway. Maybe it’s time for another cat…”

Welcome to Pearly Swine Day Spa

Relax and let your cares wash away, as our talented farmer/massage specialists pamper your little piggy body with our exclusive immersion treatment…

This could spark a new trend in pool toys, Chris H.

Somewhere off the Coast of Maine…

Aye, a lighthouse keeper’s life is a solitary one.  Days spent searching the horizon; nights listening for the faint echo of bell or horn…  Sometimes I make shadow puppets on passing humpback whales.  Oh, it is a lonely life…

darcyface

Can he make a swan, Rosanna D.?  Swans are my favorite!