Every Thanksgiving, It’s the Same Thing

Aunt Leticia drinks all the cooking sherry, Grandpa and Cousin Harold argue politics, Cousin Wendell tells us about the latest cult he just joined, and I get stuck babysitting Aunt Brunhilde’s kids, Rollo and Yappo.  That’s it, man; I’m outta here.

Just read this leaflet, Marilyn T. — it’ll totally change your life.

THIS JUST IN: Bebeh Rhino

Rule of Cuteness #10-b:  If you haven’t grown into your feet yet and/or your mom can impale people, you’re cute.  So let’s keep a safe distance and welcome the newest baby white rhino born at Busch Gardens in Tampa, Florida.

Photo by Matt Marriott/Thanks to sender-inner Nick G.

Return of Ninja Cat!

The steps of the ninja warrior must be as silent as the morning mist upon the ground.  To avoid detection, he must be as still as the midnight air.  He must be as fearless as — GAAAHHH NOOOOO GIANT HAND GIANT HAND RUN AWAY!!!

Mind Your Manors

This week, on “Lifestyles of the Prosh and Redonkulous,” we visit Monteigh Hall, home of toenail-clipper heiress Lady Propecia Monteigh Phipps-Gargle.

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The stately mansion overlooking the Floofitania River, home to generations of her ancestors, is currently under the exacting watch and care of this dynamic doyenne.

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From hosting gala balls, to her designer shoelace empire, to romantic getaways with princes and movie stars, this jet-setter is always on the move and in the know.

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But her most important role is doting mother.  Here we join Lady Propecia during her weekly visit with daughter Phoebe, cared for by her faithful nanny Hannah.

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And finally, we bid farewell to Lady Propecia in her boudoir.  “This is where my heart is,” she explains, “where I unwind from the stress of my impossibly perfect life.”

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Absolutely fabulous, Melanie H.

Good Eeeeeevening…

Tonight’s gripping tale of terror weaves a sinister web of mistaken identity, espionage, greed, double-parking … and murder.  An innocent bed of lettuce becomes a deathbed in a little story entitled… Ham Sandwich.

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Submitted for your approval*, Sabrina C.  (* Yeah, I know — that was the other guy.)

Top sellers at Etsy

Ooh, this looks nice: “Multi-color blanket, perfect for snuggling during those winter nights. 100 percent hand-crocheted with acrylic yarns. Includes genuine dog noses.  Fits queen bed. Allow 2 weeks delivery; no shipping to PO boxes.”

Well, that seems like a very nice deal, and … DOG NOSES?!

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I don’t even wanna know what’s in the matching throw rugs, Sarah A.

Dog Bless Us, Every One

Behold, the power of Teh Qte:  When we featured the custom pet portraits of Valerie Leonard, cuteologists swarmed her site — but many wanted a more affordable way to enjoy her creations.  And Valerie delivered, with a series of “Animal Ancestor Portraits” note cards, including a set of four holiday cards (sample below).  They’re historical — and hysterical, so check ‘em out.

Keep the milk and cookies, kid, just leave the liquor cabinet unlocked.

Check it Out; I’m an Elephant!

Guys, guys, lookit!  I got the big head, with the long nose thingy!  Wait, I’ll make the funny noise: Phhheeeaaaauuuuuuummmmpf! Hey, somebody throw me a peanut!

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Peanut!  Because I’m an elephant, ya get it?  Guys?  Where’d everybody go?

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Shot and submitted by Tod B., who was sooo in the right place at the right time.

Have You Lost Your Marbles?

Were they a sparkly, shiny, impossibly perfect shade of green?  If so, “Soupie” is using them for eyes, and you can’t have them back, so neener.  But what you can have (and you may want to take a step back, lest the cuteness knock you clean out of your cubicle) is the jaw-dropping, heart-stopping power of the…

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CUTE OVERLOAD ULTRA-EXTREME EYE, NOSE, AND TINY TOOF-HANCE!

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Photo by Ryan F., submitted by Janna V.

I Am Not Disorganized!

Seriously, I’m so organized, it’s scary:

  • I always wash myself in a set pattern (right leg, left leg, right arm, left arm);
  • I sort my dead mousies by length, then by color, then by tail-to-torso ratio;
  • I sleep in the same sunbeam every day, using a weighted algorithm factoring seasonal solar variance against known shade points to determine each day’s optimum floor position and angle of exposure.

So why do people keep saying I’m disorganized?

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I dunno, Pam W., just a feeling.