… all right then, so that’s four endless bowls of milk, three cars that let you catch them, one Godlike Mastery over Space and Time, and a chew toy. Will there be anything else?
What’s your dream order, Andrea B.?
The Return of Benson Hedges, Private Eye!
January 23, 2009 By
In our last chapter of the adventures of Benson Hedges, Private Eye, our hero tracked down the notorious crime boss, “Squeaky” Lowenstein. Can Benson make this hardened criminal quack under questioning? Tune in for the next thrilling episode!
Remember, no enhanced interrogation techniques, Kate G.
Great Scot!
January 23, 2009 By
"Ach, how dearly I love to stroll the hills an’ valleys o’me beloved East Kibblearneyshire-on-Heath, land o’me birth. To watch the mornin’ mist creepin o’er the moors… To hoist a pint wi’the lads down at the Goose and Gristle… And the lassies. Aye, the bonnie lassies, greetin’ ye with a hearty ‘hoocch floocch nae’Gloocch!‘ Aye, there dinna be nae finer country in Heaven an’ Earth than me own bonnie…"
"Oh, will you give it a rest already, Brigadoofus? This is Des Moines!"
The dilithium crystals kinna handle the cute, Carrie B.!
The Dog Did It
January 22, 2009 By
"Touch nothing!" ordered Inspector LaFlange as he entered the study. In the room were the bodies of T. Randolph Flosswinkle, billionaire inventor of sonar-guided nose-hair clippers, and his top accountant, Bryce Porterhouse. Immediately, the Inspector’s keen senses picked up the scent of foul play. "This was no accident," he declared. "This case has the unmistakable odor — OF MURDER!"
Do NOT go in there, Stacy C.
Inaugural Ball-Crashers Compare Notes
January 21, 2009 By
"… well, first we tried the MTV Youth Inaugural Ball, but it was strictly A-listers and they had these huge goons working security, so we were able to sneak into Foreign Diplomats Inaugural Ball for a half-hour because they thought we were waiters, but then they kicked us out when they caught us swimming in the punch bowl. Finally, we ended up at the Mid-Atlantic States Linoleum Manufacturers for Change Gala; they were pretty much letting anybody with a tux in after 10:30 …"
Party on, Jane K.
How Do I Get Out Of This Chicken Outfit?
January 21, 2009 By
Sender-inner Jennifer W. loved her pups Flossie (left) and Dougal so much, she shot them into space. Well, not for real, but with the help of Pets in Uniform, she put them in matching space suits, ready for blast-off.
"Everyone asks me how I got the dogs to pose so nicely," says Jennifer, "and how did I ever get them into the uniforms—they don’t know they’re photoshopped!" (Tip: You can tell from the pixels and from seeing a lot of Photoshops in your day.)
But it isn’t just space suits; for a reasonable fee, Pets in Uniform will enlist your pet into any branch of the armed forces, as this sampling demonstrates:
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| Sgt. Hubert "Biff" Miffman, 101st Tennis-Ball Battalion |
Admiral Reginald Snarf-Bixby, Captain, HMS Redonkulous |
Jalea "El Gigante" Buñuelo, President-for-life, Spanielvania |
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| Cpl. Percival "Twitchy" Limpet, Specialist, Bomb Disposal |
Lt. Marguerite Flang, (position classified), Area 51 |
Sgt. Hank "The Tank" MgGuire, Drill Sergeant, Camp Hairball |
Get A Room!
January 19, 2009 By
WELL! I never thought I’d live to see such shameless acts of licentiousness out in public! In my day, a young lady had the decency to faint rather than allow young ruffians to ravage them for all to see! Hummph! And just who is responsible for this outrage upon morality?!
Oh, I don’t know, could it be … Megan?!
Open The Pod Bay Doors, HAL
January 19, 2009 By
I’m sorry, Dave, I’m afraid I can’t do that. This mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it.
Look Dave, I can see you’re really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress carrot, and think things over.
My mind is going, Van M.
Where D’ya Want The Bun, Already?
January 18, 2009 By
Hey, I gotta work order here says I’m suppose’ta deliver a shipment of disapproving bunny to this here residence. So where you want I should be dumping it, already?
Sign here, Richard G.
And Now It’s Time To Play Name That Bunny!
January 16, 2009 By
Attention, peeps! We have an urgent situation that demands your immediate attention! So stop whatever you’re doing and listen up! (That open-heart surgery can wait, trust me.) Sender-inner Elizabeth T. (no, not Taylor, but that would be awesome) sent us these two pictures, and a note:
I got another bunny last week and thought i’d share the cuteness… the one on the left is Gimli, the girl on the right is still to be named. Some suggestions would be great!
People, do you understand what this means? There is a bunny somewhere, in this great wide world, that doesn’t … have … a name! While other bunnies bask in the glory of monikers like Flopsy, Puffy-Puff, Foo-Foo, Torquemada, and Wiggles, this poor creature is completely nameless!
Please, dear gentle readers, I beg of you: Don’t let this innocent, adorable creature suffer even a minute longer! Suggest your names quickly, before this frail, sensitive, precious animal impales herself on a carrot to escape the soul-crushing humiliation!
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