Why Cats Don’t Exercise

“… and up… and down… and stretch… and bend… and…”

“ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ”

Drop and give me twenty, Josh N.

Y’all Ain’t From ‘Round Heyah, Are Yuh?

Now, ah don’t know how you boys do things in the city, but ’round these parts, we got this thing called a speed limit, and you was over it by a whole mile. Seeing as you ain’t got the $637 fine, you just have to share a cell with Buford tonight.

Julie H. testifies: “Mr. Brimley was a rescued cat from Perth, Ontario, he’s quite a gentleman and he has a fantastic mustache. He’s actually only a year and a half old, although he looks much wiser.”

THIS JUST IN: Tiger Surprise!

Germany’s Frankfurt Zoo had a surprise; not only did they have their first tiger cub born in 26 years, but to a mother they thought was infertile. The zoo is raising the female, named Daseep, by hand because her mother rejected her (apparently, first-time tiger moms do that sometimes, so don’t be too sad).

They subjected her to a battery of tests, including… THE ANNOY-O-TRON 3000!

Once the cub is sufficiently annoyed, it is deemed to be mentally healthy.

Maybe if I Switched Conditioners…

It’s not fair… all the puppies and kitties on this site get lots of hugs and pet-pets and scritchy-scritches on their chinny-chin-chins. And I hafta eat lunch all by myself.

Marilyn T. at National Geographic is sharp as ever. You can enter the National Geo photo contest here!

Deja Pee-Yew

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: This video is a bit like the “kitteh surprise” video from last year — only in this one, kitteh might have a little surprise for you.

Submitted by our very own Theresa, who would like you to know she’s not on Facebook. ;)

I Wish I Was in Dixie (Cups)

Ooo-ooh, here’s two cups full of fuzzy cotton
Now what was I doing? Oh, I’ve forgotten
Look away
Look away
Look away
They’re too cute.

Via HuffPo via Geekosystem via The Daily What via Buzzfeed via Disapproving Rabbits via alert reader Warrior Rabbit!

Gareth Grey and the Roomba of Doom!

One by one, the initiates flew in all directions as the Vacuumodium continued its ceaseless unpredictable lurching. At last only Gareth and his bitter rival, Cedric Blackmon, clung for life as Prosciutto von Rosawurst, the pink lord of the Kitchen Lands, watched from on high with his hellhound Trixie. “Give it up, urchin,” sneered Blackmon. “It is my destiny to face the Final Challenge of Ish-Kabongg, not y–”

And with that, he was gone.

This Is Not in My Contract

(Man, I hate when the boss brings her kid to the office, ’cause that means I have to make nice with the little pest or I’ll be working Saturdays for a month…)

Kees Me, You Fool!

Ah am ze halpless to ree-zeest, mah darl-leeng. Ziss loff, eet is deeper zan ze oh-shans, taller zan ze Eiffel Towaire, beeger zan mah outrageous Fronch accent!

Pup or polar bear, Agnes S.?

Philip Morris the Cat

After a long day’s tail-chasing, it’s time to relax with a good friend — and the smooth taste of Meowlboro 500’s. Using only the choicest catnip, the full-bodied flavor of Meowlboro always satisfies. Available in regular, menthol and tuna.

Photo by Lynzy E., bogarted by Andrew D.

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