DAY TWO: After completing atmospheric and temperature evaluations, I am ready to exit the landing module and begin my initial survey.

The surface is peppered for miles in every direction with deep, treacherous craters, evidence perhaps of violent meteor showers that once ravaged this planet…

… and yet, even among these wastelands, I find remnants of a once-great civilization, which built vast cities, drank overpriced coffee, and constructed gleaming white spaceships in which they fled the devastation of their beloved world…

We come in peace, Ron M.

I was a "normal" person once, one foot in front of the other, living day to day.  Then one morning I woke up, and like a vision, there it was — a pair of ‘tocks, hovering above me like a fuzzy angel.  It was at that moment that I attained the enlightenment known as Teh Qte.  In an instant, the Universe unfolded before me, unlocking its secrets, revealing to me the answer to every question, except for one:

… how the hell did I manage to pass out here?

Hmm, last I remember, I was doing shots with Deborah and James S., and then…