Up on the Rooftop, Arp! Arp! Arp!

In Newport Beach, CA, so laid-back and aloof,
A man heard a strange shuffling sound on the roof.
When what to his wondering eyes should appear,
But a wayward sea lion who wanted some beer.*

* OK, I made up that part.

Secrets of the Aristocracy

In the court of the Borgias during the Renaissance, intrigue and murder were daily facts of courtly life — especially when it was Lucrezia’s turn to cook the lasagna.

But employing a food taster, however necessary, was considered an insult to the host. So clever courtiers concealed a “dinner hamster” in their ermine robes.

Thus equipped, a survival-oriented dinner guest would distract the host with a witty anecdote about the peasantry while lowering small amounts of food for testing.

Verily, yon hammie doth appear most comfortabuhls, Eric M.

Another Day, Another Motopup

Perhaps inspired by our recent NYC two-for-one sighting, Jessica S. writes: “I snapped these pictures when my friends and I were lost, driving around in San Francisco. Seeing this guy in the next lane made missing our exit totally worth it!”

Left Coast cuteologists hoping for a return may want to stake out this intersection.

What’s Your Front-door Personality?

In the online era, a knock at the front door can be an unusual event, and how we respond to it reveals our personality. Which of these common types are you?

Outgoing: You fling the door open with a hearty “howdy, neighbor!” Not even the sight of religious pamphlets or Amway samples can dim your welcoming mood.

Reserved: You’ll crack the door open a little bit, but leave it on the chain, ready to make a hasty retreat at the first sign of magazine subscription forms.

Withdrawn: You peek only through the peephole, speak only through the intercom, and haven’t been out in direct sunlight since 1998.

Knock-knock, Amelia B.

To Curry Favor, Favor Curry

Here’s another one for our WTF (white tabby flavoring) file: A kitteh who just loveses him some curry, only not for eating. From our friends the Japanese, of course.

The Adequate Escape

By 0600 hours, we were ready. It was agreed that Hurwitz and O’Malley would stage a scuffle during breakfast, to distract the guards and give us time to smuggle spoons under our uniforms. We then met at the east fence, where patrols were lightest. The resistance would have a stolen civilian vehicle waiting for us.

“This is Riley,” says Carrie B. “He was helping me garden. Kind of.”

His Master’s Voice (Inside His Head)

Continuing our theme of animals being driven slowly insane by technology, let’s visit with Harvey, who now thinks that people live in tiny little boxes.

Mega-Baroo, Efrat P.

The Extremely Rare Motopup Simulspot

New Yorkers were recently treated to a cute sight — and not one, but two cuteologists caught it on camera.

First, Doryn W.: “We took this today in NYC. I just pulled up next to this woman and dog. The dog was so incredibly happy, loves the wind on his face. So funny!”

And later, Bonna T. “had just hopped in a cab when I noticed that on the motorcycle right next to us, this poodle was catching a ride.”

Why, it’s enough to make one exclaim “what tremendous fortuitousness,” or if one were in a hurry, an abbreviated form of said exclamation using only three letters.

iPawed

Your strange new pet amuses me, human. I can see why you keep it under glass, though — it looks like a big tapeworm. Well, that was fun; is it time for my piano lesson now? I like this toy; it’s a perfect fit for my short attention sp–OK, piano lesson over, time for random whapping! WHAPWHAPWHAP!

// THIS JUST IN; another kitteh learns to fish on the iPad… // By Greg K.

Ow! This Hurts Wicked Bad!

So I’m headin’ down to the packie for a bee-ah, and I take a little shahtcut through the fish mahket. And I’m mindin’ my own business, naht lookin’ fah trouble, when alla sudden, this wicked monstah crab grahbs at me from dis tubbah ice!

Now I’m draggin’ the suckah down the street, shakin’ him offah me, when the Gorton’s Fisherman shows up and tells me I gottah give it bahck, the raht bahstid.

You win the coveted “WTF of the Month,” Mischa M.

Spectacular photo by Corey Arnold. See more of his work at http://www.coreyfishes.com/.

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