This will not end well

“(Oh boy! Look at this big stick that I am carrying all by myself like a good puppy! I cannot wait to burst through my dog door and proudly display it to the food lady!)”

One of the kute kanines under the konsiderate kare of Kaitlyn K.

Hi there, my name is Dug. My master made me this collar so I may speak in 140 characters or les — SQUIRREL!

You always knew your pup was a bit of a bird-brain; now he can actually tweet. At this year’s New York Toy Fair, Mattel announced Puppy Tweets, a collar tag with sensors linked to your home computer via Wi-Fi. The tag sends a tweet to your dog’s Twitter account whenever the animal moves, barks, or naps.

And here’s the… uh… extreme… erm.

Puppy Tweets collar pendant

Twitter!  It’s Tweets for Twits, and now your Spitz.

Well, of course I’m a beta tester!

What better line of work for a guinea pig could there possibly be? Why, with this nose, I can sniff out software bugs faster than you can peck a pile of pellets, pal!

Nicole G. writes: “His full name is Leonard Hampton but everybody calls him ‘Lenny.’ “

So where do you put the batteries?

There ought to be a little door on the bottom here where they go in… Or do you wind it up? ‘Cause if you wind it up, I don’t see the little slot for the key…

Wait, this is a real bunny?! Oh, get out!

Says Katie L.: “I met these little bun buns on July 4th in St. Louis when I was visiting. The upside down blonde bunny put me in a CUTE COMA and I hope it does the same for you.”

[See also: July 9th, 2009 - Ed.]

What is the Internet, again?

The Internet is not a big truck that you just dump something on! It’s a series of tubes! With ferrets in them! And these ferrets have beady eyes and beepable pink noses and they tell me what to do! And right now they tell me to show you…

…A CUTE OVERLOAD EXTREME CLOSE-UP!!

Sender-inner Cat tells us that her ferret Plankton here outgrew the tubes.

Shh, Dad’s still sleeping off Mardi Gras

Yep, he stumbled home yesterday, and just passed out. Keeps mumbling about someone named “Fifi LaRue”—we assume that’s who gave him the feather boa.

Says Elisabeth K.: ” Humphrey is too big for his basket so he often stretches out in the most ridiculous poses, but the feather boa really adds a je ne sais quoi, non? And Minnie follows him everywhere like an adoring little sister.”

Ferris Bueller’s Dog Day Off

“Life moves pretty fast. You don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. (Although life always seems to move a lot slower whenever I get a bath.)”

Nice faux-hawk, Amy G.

The Impossibirds

Ladies and gentlemen, this just might be the cutest darn thing on the entire Intertubes: Four impossibly cute, perfectly perched, flying floofballs!

No! Not the close-up! Not the close-up!

We surrender, T L!

The King of Bling

The ladies call me Cutemaster Chuck,
If you want a prosh pup, then you’re in luck.
Here’s a word to the wise, ’cause my star’s on the rise.
I’m the prize for the lady who tries my puppy-dog eyes on for sighs.
Check it, yo.

That’s a (w)rap, Angela N.

Rule #5: A case study

Longtime Cuteologists know that a fisheye lens + baby animal is cute, but now a pair of before-and-after photos allow us to examine the phenomenon up close.

Cute:

Ultracute:

Thanks to field researcher Fred of One Bark at a Time.

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