… high atop the Hyannis Hyatt, the happening hot spot where the elite meet to greet. My name’s Nick Chewtoy, and I’ll be entertaining you this evening. Like to start off with a little number, kind of a personal favorite of mine, called “Stardust.” Hope you like it…
It is the highest military honor the nation of Dogsylvania can bestow–so rare, in fact, that only 17 in the nation’s history have received it. One such hero was Corporal Eucephalus “Winky” Gorbschobble, who, without hesitation or regard for his own survival, attacked and disabled an entire squadron of letter carriers from the enemy nation of Postmania, leading his captured comrades to safety.
And so, in accordance with Dogsylvania’s cherished military tradition, on a brisk autumn morning of September 17, 1946, and in the presence of an observer from the neighboring nation of Walkiestan, seven members of the 101st Bean Battalion paid tribute to Corporal Gorbschobble with a 21-poot salute.
Erm, might want to get downwind a ways, Tanguera.
So we’ll show you some nice clean ones instead, courtesy of the Wildlife Centre Project in Tunbridge Wells, England. According to the Daily Mail, these black-and-white babies were taken in after being abandoned by their mum.
(whiny documentary presenter voice) Experts are noting an increase in orphaned badger cubs, as Man continues to badger the boundaries of his badger fragile relationship with the environment badger, bringing us badger more in conflict with badger badger and badger ultimately badger badger badger badger…
Back again we go to the Daily Mail, this time for a story so incredible that the hoax hunters over at snopes.com stepped up to verify it: The story of Jasmine, a rescued greyhound who has returned the favor by serving as surrogate mom to 50 creatures, ranging from puppies to deer.
“She simply dotes on the animals as if they were her own,” says Geoff Grewcock, operator of Nuneaton and Warwickshire Wildlife Sanctuary. “She takes all the stress out of them and it helps them to not only feel close to her but to settle into their new surroundings.”
Pictured with Jasmine are, from left: A pup, a deer, another pup, a bunny, and a barn owl. Not pictured: A unicorn, The Yeti, an alien face-hugger, Wally Gator, Phil Spector’s hair, The Chicago Cubs, and Abe Vigoda.
“… ah do believe ah aym finished with mah bay-thin’, so if you will be evah so kind as to hand me mah towel… and be sure to avert your eyes, you wicked thing, you!”
From sender-inner Jessie S.: “We’re watching a bearded dragon for a friend this week (her name is Toast, by the way…) and our furry kitty monster (Neko) has been on 24-hour lizard surveillance since she arrived. He supervises her eating, sleeping, and her bath time. Also note – check out Toast’s posh tail in the sink – can’t get the end of it wet!”
“Well, blow me down! Knocked flat on me back by Bluto, that no-good sea dog! Just wait ’til I gets out me spinach, ya big palooka!”
Just needs the little corncob pipe, Krista B.
Wow, this looks like my commute: The dreary conformity, the mind-numbing crawl of traffic, the giant rodents (I think I need to adjust my medication)… But thanks to Kia Soul, three happy hammies escape the rat race.
Suggested by Noelle!
It’s not that they’re always two days late with their share of the rent, or even that they go through your CD collection and mess up your alphabetical order. No, the worst part is coming home to find they’ve piled the kitties in the sink for you to wash … again.
And I thought they were self-cleaning, Regina S.
"What, you think it’s easy to look menacing while you’re dangling from piano wire with some 300-pound Teamster at the other end? Try it sometime, pal!"
"But do people remember? No, it’s Dorothy this, and Scarecrow that, and those lousy, stinking Munchkins…"
"Oh, don’t get me started on the Munchkins. Every frickin’ day, running around the commissary singin’ ‘Ding-dong, the witch is dead,’ only they ain’t usin’ the word ‘witch,’ if you get my drift…"
"… wild parties every night in their trailer, and the next morning? Passed out drunk on the set."
"No sense of professionalism, none whatsoever. Not like us."
If they only had a clue, Tanguera.