I Have a Bad Feeling About This

… so by adjusting the knobs, you can actually vary the temperature? Goodness, what a convenience that must be for people who can’t drink very cold water, you know, sensitive teeth and all that. I must confess, I’ve never seen a water dish this large and sophisticated before, and I really must thank you for such a very thorough demonstration and why are you locking the door and looking at me like that?

We Pour a Mean Cocktail

Abandon your Appletini, cancel that Cosmopolitan — the hippest new cocktail among the cutegnoscenti is the Angry Ferret. In a cocktail shaker, combine:

2 parts gin
1 part strawberry liqueur
1 part lemon juice
1 baby ferret
1 dash Angostura bitters

Add ice and shake until vexed.

“This is my baby Holly!” says Linda G.

Breaking News Update Bulletin Report!

The Onion News Network is reporting that the Internets have been crippled by this photo of a piglet. We interrupt our regularly scheduled cuteness for this report:

Nanook of the Vegetable Garden

Across the carpeted plains of the Arctic there roams a breed known to the Inuit peoples as kuauneq inuk, or “the carrot hunter.” Traveling in packs of four to eight, these dogs have highly evolved scent receptors, specially adapted so that they can catch even the faintest whiff of beta carotene.

This is Juneau, six week old Siberian Husky, shot by Holly and sent in by Daniel M.

Has Anybody Seen My Car Keys?

Yeah, they’re over on the coffee table. [points with ear]

The AKC should be made aware of this new breed Laura Bittner!

Mom, Can I Keep Him?

Please, pretty please, oh please? I promise I’ll take care of him and clean up after him and play with him and feed him bananas and Monkey Chow or whatever it is they eat, please can I pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeze??

Taken in Nagaon, Assam, India by Diganta Talukdar.

The All-Knowing Clairvoyant Hamster Foresees Ominous Events in Your Future

Yes… Yes, I’m getting an image now: I see a stranger, a tall man in a trench coat and clown shoes… there is a car chase, many explosions and a sequel… Some Baptists are tap dancing; in the clicking of their heels there is a coded message: “Don’t… trust… the…” I… I cannot continue without sunflower seeds…

His name is Nacho, says SimonSays.

Another Mystery of Science

Behavioral scientists remain puzzled by what they call Cluster Associative Theory, or CAT. As yet unexplained, the theory holds that kittens will tend to cluster in a single container…

…despite the presence of alternatives.

C.O. Outdoor Travel Tips

Going hiking? Before you even leave the house, be sure to take your GPS — Global Puss-itioning System. This 100% organic tracking tool can pinpoint your exact location — as long as it’s within 100 feet of a fish market.

Does it double as a first-aid kit, Jean M.? (groan)

Meanwhile, at Freshman Orientation…

“So I can just walk up to those big dogs and eat from their bowl, and they won’t bother me? Golly! This is exactly the kind of insider tidbit that makes me so glad I pledged Kappa Alpha Tabby. How can I ever repay you, Steve?”

Kitteh’s about to get schooled, Ratko V.


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