Oh, chortle all you want, Mr. Video Camera Holding Person, but now that kitties can get their own food, what do they need us for? Soon they’ll be driving our cars! Taking our jobs! Rounding us up into special camps! Laughing at our comical antics on brightly-colored websites! You fools! Wake up before it’s too late!
[Cue jaunty marching music: ♫ HRUM-pum-pum-pumpity-PUM-pum-pum... ♫]
Highwaymen, beware! Blaggards and knaves, take care!
For a hero roams the forest with a might beyond compare!
With his faithful St. Bernard, he is always on his guard,
Fighting evil and injustice with a proud and piercing stare!
For this brave and bold chihuahua
will not fail his finest howah,
And he’ll make the cowards cowah
With his mighty Yap of Powah!
So sing his praises from the rocks and from the tallest tree,
He’s the Wa-Wa of Des-tin-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
I feel safer already, Ant.
Look, I know you meant well. It was a thoughtful gesture; I mean that, really. And goodness knows, we were long overdue for an outing, seeing how cooped-up we all get during the rainy season.
But seriously, check the five-day forecast before planning the picnic, mmm-keh?
Better not put the galoshes away just yet, Aaron.
This just in from the Cuter Image Catalog: Make your corner office feel like the vast plains of Africa, with the new RhinoPhone from QT&T. Rendered in rich earth tones, the cordless RhinoPhone helps you get your point across in style.
Oh noes! The helpless little puppy is drowning! How can you people just stand there and laugh, when that poor pooch is in terrible peril! Somebody throw him a Life Saver, or at least some Skittles! Oh, this is terrible (…ly cute)!
Listen and understand, Sarah Connor. That tortoise is out there. It can’t be bargained with. It can’t be reasoned with. It doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever.
… but in the current economic climate, we here at Buster Brown Shoes can no longer justify the services of a full-time sidekick. You’ll find some boxes at your desk, and we’ll need your ID badge and your key to the executive hydrant, please…
Jeffrey E. says: “I would like to introduce a very cute little pug; her name is Clover. We think that the look explains everything, one minute she looks like you just told her she was ugly and the next she is the proudest little dog in the world.”
As an busy executive turtle, you don’t have time to get lost. That’s why you need QteStar™ Global Positioning System. Just call to QteStar, and we’ll dispatch a team of directional assistance technicians to tell you where to go.
QteStar’s almost as reliable as sender-inner Marilyn T. of the National Geographic Daily Dozen. Photo by Byron Yu.