Search and ResQte

During the war in Afghanistan, three US marine soldiers took on a special mission: Rescue some of the war’s smallest and cutest victims. According to the blog Unique Scoop, two orphaned kittens have been shipped stateside to loving homes.

We salute you, anonymous sender-inner.

Shake that Shell!

Fun Fact: According to sender-inner Cassandra D., turtle shells are more sensitive than you might expect. Now throw in a toothbrush and a thumping techno beat (warning: loud), and you’ve got today’s monthly WTF* of the Week!

* That’s “wiggling turtle footsies,” we’ll have you know.

The Story of the Hungry Feroshus Bear

By Jeffery Osterblaargh, Mrs. McNulty’s Sekond Grade

Ok so this is astory about the time that I ate a humin bean all by myself. Wun day I was hungry. And there was this humin bean walking down the street.

And so I desided to eat him for dinner. Because I am a feroshus pradider pridit eating bear and because everybody is skeerd of me because I am so mean.

The humin bean was skeerd. He tried to get away but I was to big and strong for him. He cried and cried for help, but I dint listen because I was so hungry.

And he was so delishus that next I ate a whole busload of first graders, and then I ate a kangaroo, and my piano teacher, and Batman, and some ice cream, and…

I hear that special school’s really nice, Maggie S.

Attack-in-the-Box

A cautionary reminder, gentle reader: Wherever boxes are casually unpacked and tossed aside, there lies in wait the silent assassin, who strikes unseen with surgical precision. The merciless fiend known only as… Sniper Kitty.

Do You Have This in My Size?

I do like the colors, they’re fierce, but it’s a teensy bit on the big side. Let me give you a visual: Imagine stuffing a grapefruit into a change purse. Pretty much that.

That little pup will grow into it soon enough, Catie O.

Sounds Like a Page-Turner to Us

Behold, the 2010 winning entry in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, given each year to the worst opening sentence:

For the first month of Ricardo and Felicity’s affair, they greeted one another at every stolen rendezvous with a kiss — a lengthy, ravenous kiss, Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity’s mouth as if she were a giant cage-mounted water bottle and he were the world’s thirstiest gerbil.

Photo credit goes to arathrael!

“Carrots in Love”

(Sung to the tune of “Lawyers in Love”)

I can’t keep up with what’s been going on
I think my heart must just be slowing down
Among the aubergines, the cukes and lima beans
Am I the only one who hears the screams
And the strangled cries of carrots in love

Carrot-raiser-uppered, picture-takered, sender-innered and song-parody-written-downered by C.O.-staff-job-easier-maker Wendy M.!

Synchronized Smiling

“… Aaaand, one-two-three, grin-two-three… C’mon, ladies, work that smirk!

Photo credit: sakanami

C.O. Gamer’s Review-o-topia!

Greetings, programs! Time for this week’s look at the newest, thumb-thrashinest video games, and up first it’s Super Mario Ultra Kitty Cart Turbo (Wii, $45.99).

A disappointing entry in the SMUKC franchise, this “Turbo” is anything but, combining sluggish controls and limited speed with a loud 16-bit soundtrack that’s so 2003 (cubicle monkeys, dial it down before you press play). Rating: Two stars.

Ya wanna play Pong, Lennart K.?

Lotso Tree-Huggin’ Bear

SWITZERLAND — Police and protesters clashed during the Ursine Environment Summit today, as demonstrators upset over deforestation of the Hundred Acre Wood chained themselves to treetops and had to be forcibly removed.

Cub reporter Jorden C. contributed to this article.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 14,636 other followers