C.O. Gamer’s Review-o-topia!

Greetings, programs! Time for this week’s look at the newest, thumb-thrashinest video games, and up first it’s Super Mario Ultra Kitty Cart Turbo (Wii, $45.99).

A disappointing entry in the SMUKC franchise, this “Turbo” is anything but, combining sluggish controls and limited speed with a loud 16-bit soundtrack that’s so 2003 (cubicle monkeys, dial it down before you press play). Rating: Two stars.

Ya wanna play Pong, Lennart K.?

Lotso Tree-Huggin’ Bear

SWITZERLAND — Police and protesters clashed during the Ursine Environment Summit today, as demonstrators upset over deforestation of the Hundred Acre Wood chained themselves to treetops and had to be forcibly removed.

Cub reporter Jorden C. contributed to this article.

Thanks for the Shade, Mom

Theriously, I was all ouch-ooch-ooch-ouch walking on the sand, and then I sit down, and I’m thinking “hey, do I smell fried chicken?” and it’s me!

Photo credit: auburnxc

Pinin’ for the Fjords

It’s not pinin’! It’s passed on! This ferret is no more! It has ceased to be! It’s expired and gone to meet its maker! This is a late ferret! It’s a stiff! Bereft of life, it rests in peace! If you hadn’t nailed it to the perch it would be pushing up the daisies! It’s rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible! This… is an ex…

Wait, never mind.

Another Quality Foraged Link from AQFL.net P.S. The palindrome of “Phillip P.” would be “Ppillihp”! It don’t work!

Don’t Speak, My Darleeng, Don’t Speak

For zome zeengs, ma petit souffle, zhere are not ze words. Like for ze tops of your feet. Zhere is not ze word for zat. Or irregularly-shaped bowling balls. Or boogers, after zhey have dried and become hard. But perhaps, my sweet, eet is for ze best.

Ze photo credeet goes to lastquest.

Morning Traffic Report

This is “Cap’n” Blorph Norphman in the C.O. TraffiCopter, and we’re tracking a seven-puppy pile-up on the inbound I-98.6, and that’s causing squee-and-go traffic all the way to the Chewtoy Interchange, so look out for that…

Photo credit: prakhar

This Is Why You Always Use Dryer Sheets

Yes, it’s another one of those heartwarming “cute animal adopts balloon” stories we like to run all the time. Warning: Image at  0:39 may induce nightmares.

Run Along and Play, Don’t Mind Me…

… it’s a mother’s joy just to watch. I’ll just sit here quietly on this bench, and think about what sweet children you are, and how I was in labor for eight hours, and how I gave up a career as a systems analyst, and how I used to have a waistline, and…

Photo credit: Mondmann

Wisecrack that Whip!

Want to tell off your boss? Need to put that snotty waiter in his place? If you’re too timid to do it yourself, call the humiliation experts at Tongue Lashing, Inc.! Once our trained abuse agents whip them into shape, they’ll know they’ve been licked!

Pthpthpthoto credit: ellenm1

Important Product Recall Notice

Due to a labeling error, cases of Acme Novelties’ “Spring-Loaded Joke Snake” may in fact contain “Joke-Telling Flying Squirrel.” Customers affected by this error may return their product for exchange or refund.

Thanks to alert consumer Megan H.

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