Highlights from Last Night’s Awards

Our red carpet reporters say that this year’s buzz was all about feathers, feathers, and more feathers! Here’s lovely Anne Hamthaway in a luscious pink creation by Revolving Dior…

… meanwhile, rising star Olivia Wildcat looks more like a lion in this stunning white ruffled gown by Oscar de la Rental.

Thanks to paparazzi Meagan E. and Courtney P.

You’re On Notice, Mister!

“All right, Tom Nom, or whatever your name is, I’m on to your game! You like to make us animals look stupid by putting silly words in our mouths!

“Well, that garbage stops right now, pencil-neck! I’m putting on my stern face to warn you that if you pull that with me, I’ll monkey fusebox your argyle butterbean frackety garble bibbity-bobbity-boo!”

And the moral, Nieske V., is: Don’t annoy a writer.

The Cheese Puff Gourmet

Ahhhh… (sniff, sniff) A pleasantly piquant puff, this, evenly dusted with a heady array of cheese-like chemical products…

And now for that crucial first sampling… (lyurp!) Alas, the tantalizing promise held forth by the aroma is betrayed by hard, unyielding consistency of the puff itself. This shall not do; remove it from my sight, please.

No pleasing some people, Chris S.

A Day in the Life of Squirrel Temp

7:35 AM: I overslept! I’d better floor it if I don’t want to be late my first day!

8:17 AM: Coffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffee!!

10:30 AM: I’m on stapler detail. It’s actually kind of fun, but I have to jump really hard to get through more than six sheets of paper.

12:32 PM: Only 30 minutes for lunch?! Guess I’m eating at my desk, grr…

3:52 PM: “Move this!” “File that!” “Bring me my pen!” “Paint the break room!” They sure keep a girl busy around this place, don’t they?

9:26 PM: Another day, another dollar, I suppose… (zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz)

Welcome to the working week, Sarah S.

Howlin’ Tucker Plays the Blues

Won’t somebody help me, satisfy my aching need?
‘Cause I got a big confusion ’bout the nature of my breed.
I’m puzzled at my muzzle and befuddled in my noodle
Can’t anybody tell me just what the heck’s a Schnoodle?

Righteous, Chief Sister Ossifer.

An Appeal from the Regional Chairman of the Zombie Anti-Defamation League

Aaaa-UUUHHHHH-nnngh! Why people run from zombie? Zombie not hurt you! Zombie want play! People get many wrong idea from movies! Think zombie eat braaains! Is not true! Nibble arm, maybe leg, but not sweet, delicious braaaaaaains!


Seems reasonable to me, Audra S.

Science! Gone! Haywire!

BELFRY, ROMANIA — Mad scientists at the Centre for Unwarranted Research (CUR) today unveiled an ambeagle, a cross between an amoeba and a beagle. The creature, seen here in this magnified photo, answers to the name of “Gloopy.”


We’ve crossed a line here, Christy S.

Ehw. Mah. Gah. Check Out the Goth Chick

“Look, sweetie, I don’t know how they do things over at Edgar Allan Poe High School, or wherever you transferred from, but if you want to join the Slipperette Spirit Squad you need to get out of that funk and show some spunk!”

“Fer shure! So lose the Elvira-Queen-of-the-Dork eye shadow, pin those ears up, and let’s see some cartwheels!”


They’re so cruel when they’re cool, Kindall D.

Finally, a Little Down Time

Whew! I thought the kids would never settle down for a nap!


Finally, I can get a little “me” time.


Motherhood ain’t all it’s quacked up to be, Erik D.

UPDATE: By popular demand — QUACK-HANCE!

Merry Christmas! I’m Here!

I hurried over here as quick as I could, hope I’m not too … Hey, where’s the tree?


You want to break it to him, Meagan G.?

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