I Knew There Was a Catch

Oh, sure. “Come on over,” he says. “All the barbecue you can eat,” he says. Of course, he conveniently neglects to tell me that I’m the clean-up crew!

Says Samantha A.: “Here’s a photo of our neighbor’s cat, Captain America, licking the leftovers of our hamburgers from the grill!”

The Cat on the Flying Trapeze

He floats through the air, with the greatest of ease
The sleeping young cat on the phantom trapeze

He’s so great and graceful, whilst catching some Z’s
So give him a round of applause, if you please.

Says sender-inner Carol B.: “My new 12 week old kitten has been doing ballet in his sleep. His name is Monkey Pants. This has everything – jelly spine, kitten belly, elegant strayching. In some ways he’s even giving a wink to Marilyn Monroe’s famous nude on red satin.”

Awkward Prom Photo

(OMG why is he wearing that suit I told him to rent a white tuxedo and now we’re going to look mismatched on the dance floor and these shoes are pinching and my hair didn’t come out right and I swear I still have some bean dip on my nose and oh now what’s he doing he’s going to smear my blusher…)

Photo credit: the bridge

Join the C.O. Dangerous Sports Society!

Skydiving too sedate? Bungee jumping a bore? We’ve got the ultimate rush for today’s jaded thrill-seeker! Here’s how it works: A genuine medieval catapult (a) launches you across the Grand Canyon (b), onto a waiting trampoline (c), which propels you through a wall of flame (d) into a wading pool full of Nerf balls (e).

… oh, and there’s a certain spot on the trampoline you’ll need to avoid, too.

Is there a point to all this, Debra E.?

Search and ResQte

During the war in Afghanistan, three US marine soldiers took on a special mission: Rescue some of the war’s smallest and cutest victims. According to the blog Unique Scoop, two orphaned kittens have been shipped stateside to loving homes.

We salute you, anonymous sender-inner.

Shake that Shell!

Fun Fact: According to sender-inner Cassandra D., turtle shells are more sensitive than you might expect. Now throw in a toothbrush and a thumping techno beat (warning: loud), and you’ve got today’s monthly WTF* of the Week!

* That’s “wiggling turtle footsies,” we’ll have you know.

The Story of the Hungry Feroshus Bear

By Jeffery Osterblaargh, Mrs. McNulty’s Sekond Grade

Ok so this is astory about the time that I ate a humin bean all by myself. Wun day I was hungry. And there was this humin bean walking down the street.

And so I desided to eat him for dinner. Because I am a feroshus pradider pridit eating bear and because everybody is skeerd of me because I am so mean.

The humin bean was skeerd. He tried to get away but I was to big and strong for him. He cried and cried for help, but I dint listen because I was so hungry.

And he was so delishus that next I ate a whole busload of first graders, and then I ate a kangaroo, and my piano teacher, and Batman, and some ice cream, and…

I hear that special school’s really nice, Maggie S.

Attack-in-the-Box

A cautionary reminder, gentle reader: Wherever boxes are casually unpacked and tossed aside, there lies in wait the silent assassin, who strikes unseen with surgical precision. The merciless fiend known only as… Sniper Kitty.

Do You Have This in My Size?

I do like the colors, they’re fierce, but it’s a teensy bit on the big side. Let me give you a visual: Imagine stuffing a grapefruit into a change purse. Pretty much that.

That little pup will grow into it soon enough, Catie O.

Sounds Like a Page-Turner to Us

Behold, the 2010 winning entry in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, given each year to the worst opening sentence:

For the first month of Ricardo and Felicity’s affair, they greeted one another at every stolen rendezvous with a kiss — a lengthy, ravenous kiss, Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity’s mouth as if she were a giant cage-mounted water bottle and he were the world’s thirstiest gerbil.

Photo credit goes to arathrael!

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