Science Develops Magnetic Pomeranian!

Our energy problems are solved! Check out this pup, with magnetic powers so strong, she can attract a baby monkey at 50 feet! All we need is one Magneto-Pom™ surrounded by an army of baby monkeys running on treadmills!

We’ll go halvsies with you on the patent rights, Lani.

Is… Is That All There Is?

For years it mocked me. Trailing behind like a doppelganger, close enough to coax my anger, far enough to evade my grasp. There was no stratagem it could not anticipate, no attack it could not escape. It was as if it could read my very thoughts.

And my nights were filled with savage dreams of vengeance; brutal, surreal retribution for the crimes of this interloper. As grand inquisitor, I imagined I heard its pleas for mercy, but none I offered, and its cries of torment perfumed my soul.

And now, at last at the end, I am empty, disenchanted. The thing is done, yet the horizon ahead lies barren and joyless. What a fool I’d been. What a damnable fool.

If that’s all there is, Chris G., then let’s keep daaaaan-cing…

Uh-Oh, I Think I’m on the Wrong Bus

I thought this tortoise was heading downtown! Dang, now I’m gonna be late!

This looks like the return of Bizorro, Annie M.!

Welcome to Chinchy Burger!

May I interest you in the 3/4-pound Super Chinchy today? Or perhaps the Chinchy Combo: A Chinchy with Cheese, Chinchy Fries and Chincher Ale? Or would you prefer the Roast Belgian Pheasant with Beurre Blanc Sauce, served with baby asparagus in a Cognac reduction, rice pilaf and a 32-ounce Chinchy-Cola?

Update: GMTA, Lizzy (who also spotted this)!

Set Phasers on “Whuh?”

Captain’s Log, Stardate 5291.3: On a distress call at Snorgulon-5, we arrive only to find no one to greet us. Most… peculiar. No… citiesNo… buildingsNo… source of the distress signal. I… fear… we… may be walkingintoatrap. And yet, except for a lone Redonkulan Flozz-Poodle, we find no sign of life at all.

Live long and prosher, Mischa M.

I Keep Telling You, It’s Not A Pacifier!

It’s actually… ah… a ring through my nose! I’m really a ferocious bull! Toro, toro! Hey, which way to Pamplona? ‘Cause I don’t want to miss the… running of the…

No? Erm…

I’m really Hannibal Lecter! Yeah, and this is my scary Hannibal Lecter face mask! Say, you wouldn’t happen to be a census taker? See, I skipped breakfast, and…

(sigh) Yeah, it’s a pacifier.

Well, we think it’s very becoming, Taylor S. (suppressing giggles)

Mr. Mike’s Least-Loved Fairy Tales

Once upon a time, in the faraway kingdom of Fnord, a lonely maiden happened upon an enchanted frog. “Free me from this evil curse,” begged the frog, “and I will transform into a prince, and carry you away to my shining castle on the hill.”

And so, the maiden placed the frog in an engagement ring (which she always carried with her, because you never know), leaned forward, and kissed [The remainder of this paragraph has been deemed unsuitable as it contains horrific scenes of strangulation that may upset sensitive viewers.]

And the moral of the story is: First things first, genius.

Oh, all right, here’s the real story, from Jamie I.: “Yesterday afternoon, a surprise thunderstorm came through the Mojave desert (CA), and all these baby frogs came out to play.  This one didn’t mind posing with our engagement rings – probably because he’s a die-hard romantic.”

Cooler than the Average Bear

Ah, time for some more fun in the snow. Bonus Envy Factor: This video was shot just two weeks ago, in British Columbia, according to the video notes. (Meanwhile, you moved your bed under the air conditioner again this year, didn’t you?)

Posted to our Twitter feed by Dawn. Thanks, Dawn!

Rub-a-Dub-Dub

Rub-a-dub-dub
Two pugs in a tub
And how do you think they be?
Walleyed, snorfing,
Barking and rorfing
We won’t let them out ’til they’re clean.

Where are the towels, Jennie M.?

That Awkward First Kiss

“Oh, nice going, Rupert! We got our trunks tangled together. Now my mom is gonna have to come out here and untie us. I could just die of shame!”

Photo: Tambako the Jaguar

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