Something Fishy About That Guy…

To: Clovis Flapperton, Day Shift
From: Bitsy Snorfblatt, Human Resources
Subj: Issues with your work performance

It has come to our attention that your output is over 50 percent below average for your shift, and that since you joined us, there has been a dramatic increase in product loss. This last may be attributed to the fact that you are a sea lion, something you failed to disclose during your interview. While we at Forbush Fish Market would normally embrace such diversity, this deception coupled with the aforementioned performance issues leave us no choice but to terminate your employment.

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Aw, C’mon, Don’t Be Like That…

“It was just that one time. You know you’re my one and only, baby. That leg meant nothing to me, I swear. Besides, how was I to know it belonged to your boss?”

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Kaitlin F. explains: “I laid down yesterday and my mini golden doodle curled up against me, as usual, for a long nap. I tried my best to take the picture without waking him up!! His name is Dudley and he’s very lazy.”

Don Juan? More Like Don’t Want

“Oh, mah darl-leeng, ah must haff you…I zhall geef you zhe Leeck of Loff, zhe powerful technique romantique zhat no woman can ree-zeest…”

“ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ”

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Modern Urban Legends

According to folklore, if you look into a mirror and chant “Oh-em-gee, I simply have to tweet a selfie of my face when Bieber dissed Solange on Ellen,” a naked imp will appear and attempt to knock some sense into you.

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“This is my eight month-old Sphynx, Ella. She is always, without fail, incessantly the center of attention,” says sender-inner Jenny S.

For Starters, Get Your Claws Out of My Eye

Mother of mine, you’re an angel divine, to you I owe all affection
The wisdom you taught can never be bought, it gave me dreams and direction
Always to you I will ever stay true, and never hurt or betray you,
For all you’ve done for your grateful son, how could I ever repay you?

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Photograph by Graham Love. Post dedicated to Geneva Fournier.

You’re Going to Blame That on Me, Aren’t You?

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Via Zigger_Dog on Flickr_Site.

Eye in the Sky, My Oh My

SOLVANG, CA — It was revealed today that the NSA (Neighborhood Seagull Annoyance) had expanded its surveillance drone program to three additional beaches. An NSA spokesgull defended the move as necessary for detecting terrorist surfers as well as telling that one guy who keeps sunbathing nude on his patio to take it to the tanning salon because seriously, Kevin, we can all see that and it’s gross.


Via Reddit.

Take the Chew-Brite Challenge!

Can Chew-Brite® brand dog biscuits really whiten your dog’s teeth three shades in one week? We asked Barney to take the Chew-Brite Challenge, and one week later, his teeth ar–EEEEEEAAAAAUUUGH!

Via Imgur.

Now, Back to Celebunny Apprentice

“Tyra, I’m very disappointed in your work. The carrot cake you baked was not sufficiently moist, plus you spilled Starbucks on the marble-with-gold-inlay floor of my three-million-dollar hutch on Long Island. You’re fired.”

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Bubble Boggle

Melvyn was a special dog, artistic and graceful. While the other dogs in the pack enjoyed roaming the neighborhood, chasing squirrels, and other typical dog activities, Melvyn stayed behind to rehearse his tribute to Sally Rand’s 1933 bubble dance.

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