Are You Sane? Take This Quiz

This is a picture of: (A) a bumblebee; (B) a court jester at Mardi Gras; (C) the newest Pokemon thingy that your kids will wail like banshees over until you buy it for them; (D) Drew Carey! (answer in hovertext)

Answer: (E) The War of 1812 (we would also have accepted The Hula-Hoop or Steve Buscemi). If you chose A-D, or indeed took this quiz at all, you should seek counseling immediately.

Unless you’re Jeff M. and you know it’s a Bee Orchid. Then you’re cool.

Prepare the Time Machine!

June 12: With my assistant Winthrop Smythe-Goldstein standing by, I nervously set foot inside my wondrous contraption for the first time. At my signal, he would close heavy titanium door behind me, and thus begin my journey into the unknown…

Egad, James P.!

And a Happy Monday to You, Too

Yeah, I had a wild weekend, but I’m totally ready to work armblty mrmfl zzz… Whuh just a few hours’ sleep, here I am, fresh as a daisuggh fnurrff zzz… Whoa so I’ll have those TPS reports on your desk by ten o’cloarggh mumble thud…

Mastering the “I Miss You” Look

Having found a suitable human family, it is important to keep it on a short leash, as it were, by instilling a feeling of guilt whenever they leave.

Cultivate a wistful, far-away stare to display when your humans leave for work, bowling night, or any activity not centered around you. The use of barriers, like a window or chain-link fence, adds a touch of ironic pathos.

You're seeing a Cocker Spaniel on the side, aren't you?

Photo by ascappatura

Ali Baba and the 41 Thieves

Don’t leave without me, guys… (urrngh!) Just getting into my pot, gimmie a minute… (hrrmph!) Um, do we have any pots in my size, maybe an XL? (nrrgh!)

AHA! Made it! OK, guys, I’m ready now… Guys?

Make it an even 40, Jason H.

Juvenile Owl Humor

“Wow, is this a hot day or what? It’s so hot, I’m molting! Get it? Molting! Like ‘melting,’ but with an ‘O’.”

(I can't believe I'm related to this clown.)

Great Horned Owl chicks from Green Valley, Arizona. Photo by kretyen.

Vote! Vote! Vote!

Vote! Vote! Vote! Like a baby stoat!
Stoat! Stoat! Stoat! Cast a leetle vote!

We spoke our piece, we marched the march, we waved our misspelled signs
But on this day comes the best way to say what’s on our minds

Whether you pick Governor Moonbeam or the Lady-Who’s-Not-A-Witch
Just be sure to show up early, so you vote without a hitch!

Don’t scorn those with opposing views; call no one idiotic
For we’re just stars of different stripes, and each as patriotic

So get it done, there’s no excuse; no citizen should be lazy
Restore some sanity to our beloved democrazy!

Stoat photo submitted by Fiona B. Credits: Cat, Sheryl; Newt, Jan Tik; Dog, Randy Robertson, Rooster, Ann Rafalko.

To Absurdity… and Beyond!

Mission log, stardate 5295.2: Have encountered a bizarre race of creatures who all wear distinctive outer garments, despite already owning built-in fur coats.

Taken by Melissa S. at Chicago’s 2009 Spooky Pooch Parade.

HULK SMASH!

Bruce Banner, mild-mannered chihuahua and physicist. Thanks to a freak radiation mishap, he now has uncontrollable super powers. Now, whenever he doesn’t get his favorite kibble in his trick-or-treat bag, he transforms into… The Incredible Bulldog Slathered in Food Coloring!

Taken at last year’s Tompkins Square Halloween Dog Parade by istolethetv.

Shiny Hippo ‘Tocks

I like to get them waxed once every ‘Tocktober…

Photo by Chelsea Oakes

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