New From Calvin Laboratories

In the wake of their success with transmogrification, scientists at Calvin Labs have triumphed again with the dog shrinking machine.

But Why Can’t I Go Out for Track, Mom?

“I’d be awesome! Can’t you just see me taking the gold in the 20-yard slither?”

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The Peegle’s Court

Our next case is brought by plaintiff Bernard Brown, who claims that defendant Wadsworth White will not relinquish his claim to Brown’s carrot. Neither party is willing to let go of the carrot for fear the other will run off with it.

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Via Bernard Lamailloux.

Mind if I Horn in, Ladies?

I noticed ewes standing there, admiring my… hardware, and I decided to let you look at it up close and personal.

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Via Reddit, it’s Ridiculously Photogenic Goat!

Ahead of the Curve

Now, as you can see by the curve in this next chart, there appears to be a mysterious dip in overall crop yields in the second quarter. We’re still baffled as to the cause, but we’re looking into it.

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Via David Hill.

She’s On My Spot

“(All right, stay calm. She’s on my spot, but it’s OK that she’s on my spot. Just because it’s my spot doesn’t mean I have to be upset that she’s on my spot, or even care she’s on my spot. There are other spots. Like this spot. Sure, it’s not my spot, but it’s almost as good as my spot. But she’s on my spot, so I’ll take this spot I happened to spot even though it’s not my spot. Which she’s on.)”

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Concentrated Cats from Laura D’Alessandro.

They Live Among Us!

Could your harmless-looking pet be an invader — from outer space? Oh, they may seem charming and innocent, with their flat little noses and floppy little ears, but when they think they’re alone…

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… THEY REVEAL THEIR TRUE FORM! EAAAAUUGH!

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Max the Pug, via Mikey Jones.

I Am Yoth-K’bongg, Devourer of Worlds

Desolate and ravenous, I drift through the endless cosmos alone, searching, yearning for worlds to sate my endless desire. At last! A class-M planet with hydrogen/nitrogen atmosphere! Those are the kind with cream filling! With an unearthly shriek of pleasure, Yoth-K’bongg shall feed!

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Via tom_bullock.

I Know What I Like and I Like This Slipper!

Hmf rf prflchuh huhwuh urh thruh hruh ghuy hrhur thruh…

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Oh, sorry, I said “I’m perfectly aware of the chew toy over there.”

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But nothing can beat that “new slipper” smell!

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It’s Harvey, via Michael Button.

Rubbing Me the Wrong Way?

What a comically alien concept. There is no wrong way. Now, continue, slave…

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