Help Me, Fanboys, You’re My Only Hope

With the recent announcement of a “story group” to determine what is and is not official Star Wars canon, fans fear this may be the end for lesser characters who won’t make the cut, such as Jedi mystic Augie “Ben” Doggie.

Brandi E. writes: “This is my Standard Schnauzer (schnozzle), Rimski. We like to play Star Wars after bath time. These are not the droids you are looking for.”

See the Wacky World of Humans!

Experience Hu-MANIA!, the “fun-ucational” exhibit every otter should see! Watch real live humans in their lifelike natural habitats! Marvel at their adorable antics as they text, jog, and fight over the remote! Feeling really adventurous? Touch a human in the up-close Human Encounter area! It’s all happening at Hu-MANIA!, minutes from downtown on the 12 freeway south!

Via Reddit.

What Do You Mean, “Wrong Pet”?

I’m your pet, aren’t I? And it says “Pet” right here on the bag, doesn’t it?

So what’s the problem here?

Evan W. writes: “I’ve been following you a few years, but I’ve never noticed you promoting environmental causes! I thought this might be a nice reminder for everyone to recycle, particularly their pets, which I hear are causing a terrible mess in the Pacific Ocean’s great garbage patch. Ninja agrees!”

The World of… The Future!

Need a lift in the future? Just hop aboard the fully-automated Skatetronics Transport System, and enjoy door-to-door convenience day or night.


Meownan the Barbarian

Dismounting his faithful steed Floovis, Meownan descended into the dank, festering depths of Urph’Hurrgth — the Cave of Disgustingness. At last, he reached the sacrificial altar of the Dark Gods.

Something bad happened here, he thought in the hovertext. The bones of what appeared to be street mimes lay strewn across the great stone floor, and scrawled in maple syrup upon the great marble altar was the single word: Zamboni.

Suddenly, the great iron grate clanged shut, and Meownan faced the high priest Burp’Targhth, flanked by his acolytes, the Electrolytes. “At last, we finally meet again, barbarian” he sneered.

From our “Etsy is stranger than fiction” desk comes this one-of-a-kind $500 cat armor, which can give your cat both the means and the reason to kill you.

Helmet tip to Bored Panda. Now, where have I seen this before? (strokes chin thoughtfully)

actiekatten by filiafloep

Product Recall Notice

Amalgamated Collectibles, Inc. has announced the recall of its Predator 3D 12-inch action figure due to a tendency to cough up hairballs and howl for tuna.

Via Stan Winston School.

Draw Me Like One of Your French Poodles

… wearing only this sleepy, contented smile.


Do You Have that Feline Feeling?

Are you one of the nearly 1 in 50 women who suffer from CHS (cat head syndrome)? Look for any of these warning signs:

  • Sudden urge to lick arms and legs
  • Unnatural attraction to string
  • Random alternating feelings of listlessness, hyperactivity, curiosity, indifference, pudding
  • Gigantic cat head

Fortunately there’s Meowlitra™, the once-tri-semi-daily pill clinically almost proven to reverse the effects of CHS. Ask your doctor if Meowlitra is right for you, and keep changing doctors until you find one who says yes, then… Be the You You Used to Be™, with Meowlitra.*

* Side effects are mild to spicy and may include: headache, nausea, memory loss, binge chirping, temporary mono-nostril, memory loss, vertigo, stage fright, frenzy, north by northwest, phantom menace syndrome, memory loss, time travel, boogie fever, clairvoyance, chocolate stigmata, happy feet, spontaneous vegetation, and memory loss. If death occurs, reduce dosage. From Cats, Beavers and Ducks, a wholly-owned subsidiary of Global Manufactured Illness, Inc.

Secret Agent Bun!

Horrors! The evil Doctor Doggenstein has threatened the world carrot supply! If I’m going to sneak into his secret underground lair, I’ll need a disguise!

It’s Smudge the Bun again, from Helen T.!

I Am… Viscacha!

On the plains and mountains of Peru, there you will find Viscacha. My cousin is the Chinchilla, but he has the ears that are stumpy, not tall and proud like Viscacha. But neither is Viscacha the bunny rabbit, for their tails are like, how you say, the puff powder, not long and curly like Viscacha.

When Viscacha is threatened, I emit a fearsome roar!

There are some who say that to sniff the fur of Viscacha produces the visions of beauty in the mind. But this is the nonsense.

Photos via: The Lost But Not Forgotten, the Cutest Paw, and the James Brunker.