I Fought the Lawn and the Lawn Won

a84HZFdProblem? I ain’t got no problem, man. I can quit anytime I want.

“When I was done laughing and taking pictures, I helped him clean his beard,” says Redditor K1774B.

Squirrel! Of! Misfortune!

‘Round and ’round and ’round he goes, and how he got in this mess, nobody knows.

John Anderton! You Could Use a Puppy Right About Now!

Shoppers who took a microchipped leaflet at London’s Westfield Stratford mall got a new friend: Barley, a shelter pup who would “follow” them from billboard to billboard. It was all part of a campaign for Battersea Dogs and Cats Home.


Via AdWeek. In case you need a little help with the headline reference…

In the News: “Tooning” Out? Or Selling Out?

In recent years, there has been growing awareness of the so-called “Ex-Toon” movement. Centered around so-called “cartoon reparative therapy,” its supporters claim it can help cartoons abandon their so-called unnatural lifestyles and lead so-called “normal” lives. Claims so-called Dr. Cliff Fabulo of the activist group All Four Fingers, “cartoonism is fraught with peril: explosions, falling anvils, guns that go off when you look in them… we show cartoons that change is not only necessary, but possible.”

But not all are convinced. “We’re not bad, we’re just drawn that way,” claims Koko, spokesclown for ToonPride. “This therapy teaches cartoons to be ashamed of who they are, with tragic results. In extreme cases, cartoons undergo dangerous reality-reassignment surgery to appear more normal.” In this recent photo, Pluto meets a heartbroken Mickey Mouse for the first time since the procedure.

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An autism service dog In training goes to Disneyland, via Reddit/Imgur.

Surely You Can’t Be Serious!

This was to be his moment. After a lifetime in different cities, different jobs, not one of them showing he could accept any real responsibility, Mr. Jingles would march into that cockpit, take over the controls, and guide that doomed plane and its terrified passengers to safety. Then suddenly, the sickening realization overcame him: he too had the fish for dinner!

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Via Adam Rifkin.

News from the C.O. Sports Desk

Scandal rocked the bowling world today, as five-time champion Reynaldo “Chip” Munk was disqualified from the Woodlands Invitational Bowling Tournament for smuggling in an extra ball.

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Via Gilles Gonthier.

You Know Nothing, Bun Snow

Meanwhile, in the Great Hall, the King Peter Rabbit sits upon his Carrot Throne, forged from the spoils of his many successful raids upon the House of McGregor…

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Via Adam Rifkin on Pandawhale.

BONUS: Go behind the scenes at Game of Buns, and see how they strike the set!

Via WallaceTheMadKing on YouTube.

Halp, I’m Possessed!

MOOOOOOM, my body’s been invaded by hiccups! They’re crawling all over me! Get thee behind me, vile demons! (Oh, wait, I think they are behind me.)

If Looks Could Kill…

… this look would be a catering company run by Hannibal Lecter.

… this look would be the Death Star, specially modified to launch more Death Stars.

…this look would be Miss Scarlett, in the library, with the revolver, and the lead pipe, and the wrench, and the shoulder-mounted rocket launcher, and the carton of angry hornets.

… this look would be a runaway freight train, a three-mile stampede of angry wildebeest, an army of enraged zombie clowns, the final chase scene from “The Road Warrior,” and twelve tons of flaming space debris all crashing at the same time into a nuclear waste storage facility outside of Pahrump, Nevada during an earthquake.

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Via Pets Adviser.

Get That Prickly Sensation With Every Step!

Are your feet feeling tired? Wake them up with Dr. Schowll’s Hedgie Insoles! The patented MediQuill™ technology will put a spring into your step — guaranteed!

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Via Benjamin Hollis.

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