I Didn’t Do It

Whatever it was, I didn’t do it. Or that other thing, either. Those bite marks on your sneakers? Those were, um, raccoons. The trash all over the lawn? Aliens. Big green ones. That mysterious activity in your charge account? I’m gonna go with North Korea. Or maybe Anonymous — man, those guys are good.

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How can this Tuxedo Pitbull Puppy not make you smile?” asks Adam Rifkin.

You’re Too Cute to Be Real!

Are you freaking kidding me?! It’s like you escaped from a cartoon or something! I… I can’t even write a caption for you, that’s how impossibly cute you are! The beady eyes! The poofy cheeks! That wry little smile! I can’t take it! Just please, whatever you do, don’t say anything, because it’ll probably be so ultracute that I flip out completely!

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Via Su-May.

Restaurant Fads of the 1970’s

No high-rise hotel of the 70’s was complete without a revolving restaurant perched on the top floor. This trend reached its zenith with the opening of the ultra-exclusive Café Vertige, which seated one only.

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Via Ministry of GIFs.

Batcone of Shame!

I am the darkness…
I am the night…
I am… so going to scratch whoever did this to my cone.

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This is Alexandria, and according to her human, she’s all better now.

Know Your Obscure Horse Breeds!

Horse aficionados are familiar with the Shetland Pony, affectionately nicknamed the “Sheltie.” Less well-known, however, is the “Shelter” pony, which instinctively stands over smaller animals in snow and rain.

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“That’s what friends are for,” says Redditor CityCaption.

“Fetch the Stick” is for Wimps

Us bigger dogs like to play “Fetch the Sticks.” Throw me a handful and I’m a happy dog. Heck, I’ll even fetch the whole tree, if someone would throw one.

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“This is what an addiction to fetch looks like,” notes Redditor Theodora Rex.

Bachelor Number One, Pretend I’m a Luscious Lollipop. What Would You Do To Me?

Firtht, we would thtand on a beacth, tho I could thake the thime to apprethiate your thylith extherior, thavoring the thight of your thlightly theer wrapper, thassily thinthed like a thort thkirt athop your thlender thtick.

Nexth, I would thlowly athisst you as you thed your thingth, thending them thailing across the thand, and you thtood thatuesthqe and thtill ath my eyeth thoaked in every inchth of your thiny, thleek, thenthuouthly thticky thkin.

After that, I’m not thure. Any thuggethtionth?

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Via Mariposa Veterinary Wellness Center.

And Now, a Dashing Individual Sporting Not Even Slightly Ridiculous Headwear

I know it’s tempting. I get it, I really do. You see the hat, and if you’re of shall we say a certain age, a melody will pop up from some forgotten corner of your mind, and you may feel that it would brighten my day if you were to share it with me. A perfectly reasonable, seemingly innocent impulse.

All I’m saying is, the last person to serenade me with “The Mickey Mouse Club March” only got as far as “emm, eye, cee.” Word to the wise.

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“My dog’s ears are prone to frostbite,” explains Redditor DetectionK9, “so he needs to wear a snood outside.” Meanwhile, we just like saying the word “snood.”

Snood. Snood.

Snooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood.

And a Slide of Bacon, Please

The Lurking Fiend

Dear Diary: The stranger came again. Night after night he challenges me in the hallway, cloaked in the shade of darkness, growing ever taller before my astonished eyes. I stand frozen in place, afraid to speak or move, yearning only for the calm of morning when I may again bask in the warm illusion that I alone am master of this domain. Yet every sundown he is there to mock and scorn, imitating my every move. “Begone, vile specter!” I cry in vain, but the silent brute lingers. I fear that madness soon may be upon me.

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Via Flickr-er pslee999.

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