The Moment of Truth

This was it, Henrietta thought. A fight to the death. It’s either him or me. Survival of the fittest. Two hens enter, one hen leaves. If I back down now, everyone at the henhouse will call me… dog.

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Via Reddit.

Strong Am I With the Floof

A Jedi’s strength flows from the Floof. You must feel the Floof around you, between you, me, the tree, the rock, the carpeting (especially the carpeting)…

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“George caught using the Force,” via Redditor Egzo.

Will it Go ‘Round in Circles?

If I could turn back time, I’d get back off this spinning wheel, right back where we started from. But there’s no lookin’ back; it’s too late to turn back now. I can’t return to sender ’cause that’s the point of no return!

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Missed Connections

Me: Northbound “L” train Thursday evening, trying to work on laptop. You: Two seats ahead, staring at me in distracting way. I moved to different compartment, you followed and kept staring. Changed trains twice, you still there staring. Would sincerely like to meet you, will be in front of Museo Regional de Magallanes, Punta Arenas, Chile, this Saturday afternoon. PS I may be delayed so keep waiting.

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“Girl on this train was givin’ me eyes the whole ride,” says Redditor ShinglersLisp.

Time to Make the Hedgehogs!

Here’s a fast and easy hedgehog recipe you can make at home:

4 cups thumb tacks or push pins
1 cup cactus juice
6 ounces grated cheddar cheese, extra sharp

Combine ingredients in bowl, spoon into muffin tin. Let set until nosicles are moist. Serves six.

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Via Awwww! Cute!

Attack-in-the-Box

All right, let’s make something clear: Out of all the shelter kitties, you chose me. And although I may bring certain, shall we say, baggage to the table, I expect nothing less than prompt attention to my needs: Meals on time, regular treats, a broad assortment of squeaky toys, and furniture I may claw at will. Now, do we understand one another…

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… or will you force me to unleash… HAROLD?

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“Our cat wasn’t too fond of our foster kitten but he loved the box she came in!” says Redditor DontPokeThatPlease.

Tell Them I’ll Call Back!

“(Sheesh, it never fails. I’ve got my duckie, I put on my favorite CD of ambient wind chimes and waterfalls, I get all comfy in the tub — and that’s when the phone rings.)”

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“Max is having a spa day. I just received this from the vet,” says Redditor In4theKill.

HULK SNORGLE!

If you’ll be watching the latest Avengers movie, be sure to stick around for the customary post-credits scene, in which Captain America and Hawkeye console a confused Bruce Banner, whose latest experiment to control his rampaging Hulk tendencies only leads to even stranger results.

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Via Cute Emergency.

A-bok-bok-bok-alypse Now

I wanted a mission, and for my sins, they gave me one: a one-way trip up the river into enemy territory, where Charlie lurked behind every tree, along with his cousin Dave. My assignment: track down a renegade commander loose somewhere in the jungle. Nothing could prepare me for the horror that lay ahead, but I knew I could never stop until I had terminated… Colonel Sanders.

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Via 11 Fingers 9 Lives.

Ground Control to Major Tomcat

“Roger, Houston, this is Space Cadet One on final approach. The lunar surface is just breathtaking, like a giant litter box. Which is kind of a welcome sight since we’ve been up here a while.”

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Mike S. crunches the numbers: “One kitten + one spacesuit = Awww-tronaut. Or Cat-ro-naut…or kitteh-o-naut.”

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