Ivan Elonginak, Billionaire Giraffe of Destiny, Retreats to the Serenity of His Summer Estate

When Ivan is weary of million-dollar hoofshake deals and cocktails with beautiful models, Ivan takes swim in pool to reflect. Is reflecting pool.

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Here, Ivan ponders meaning of his existence. Palatial homes on every continent, two private planes at his command, the adoration of millions of people — is that really all there is?

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Alas, the answers do not come, and is time for Ivan to leave. Ivan must tend to his tiny pet Russian millionaire, which he loves very much.

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Via redditor errf. More backstory here.

Transcendental Observation

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“This is Bentley with his arm around Batman, seemingly conspiring with him against Violet down the stairs,” says Christine.

You’re Checking Out My Tail, Aren’t You?

Oh no, I’m not offended, really, in fact I get a lot of compliments on it. I take excellent care of it. You might even say I’m attached to it, heh heh… No, it’s nothing personal like that, it’s just that I would really, really appreciate it if you would put those scissors down.

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Body Slam!

… and now Captain Feisty tries to pin The Spotted Dynamo… perfectly-executed leg hold there, but the Dynamo refuses to budge… and now he’s going for the face hold! Definitely saw some biting there, I think the referee missed… WHOA! Decisive smackdown by the Spotted Dynamo! And this — match — is — over, ladies and gentlemen!

And Now Let’s Go to “Captain” Tom Nom in the Cute Overload Traffic Helicopter!

“Thank you, Mimsy. Right now I’m flying over Rancho Cucahuenga, and we’re looking at a four-kitten pile-up just before the Slauson cutoff.”

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At the Cute Overload Puppy Testing Labs

Here in our Paw Pad Proving Grounds, every set of paw pads undergoes rigorous tests to ensure braking ability — for your safety and comfort!

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Now a Word from our Sponsor

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Via Three Leaf Farm on Facebook.

The Not-All-That-Particularly-Great Escape

Using stolen cutlery from the mess hall, we quietly dug a tunnel from kennel 13. It was going pretty well; by late August we had completed nearly two miles, complete with lights, a makeshift rail track, three stations, twelve turnstiles, and a Starbucks. However, we suffered a setback when we accidentally surfaced in the cat camp next door…

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“My dog chillin in his hole,” explains Redditor teach_me_how_to_data.

File Under “Gossip”

“… and so Mrs. Wiggles, that’s that nice Schnauzer I see on Thursdays, well she won’t let her puppies play with the Robinson’s puppies across the street anymore since Mr. Robinson flipped out and bit the mailman. And the dogs in that house aren’t very well behaved, either, I can tell you!”

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“He loves getting his nails done,” says Redditor shazolin.

I Hope You Realize This Means War

For agonizing, eternal minutes, she and the interloper merely stared at one another, each afraid to move or speak. At last, the visitor found his courage, stepped forward, and offered the traditional greeting of his people:

“PPPTHHHHHTHTHBBBTHHHTHHHHHPPPPPPPTH!”

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“This is Popcorn the Cat facing off one of the many Cincinnati city deer that wondered into my neighbor’s yard. I like to think she was protecting our garden,” says Tawny W.

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