The Solitary Vigil for the Dreaded UPS Man

For sleepless days and nights he waits, ever on guard against the sinister Man in Brown and his parcels of evil. Then he hears it: the metallic shhunk of the sliding door, followed by footsteps up the front walk. This is his moment. Only he can defend his home against the hellish forces of Zappos and L.L. Bean. Fighting off fatigue, he crouches into assault stance, aaaaaaaaand…


“He woke up and started to get off the couch then went back to sleeping like this,” says Redditor T_Avalon.



  1. Great writing once again!

  2. Heh, that was me every day this week trying to get out of bed, one foot on the floor, me all stretched out, one hand on the snooze, getting up very late every day.

  3. The inspiration for Frank Lloyd Wright’s “Fallingwater-Dog.”

  4. Too funny! What a sweet baby! Reminds me of me but much cuter! 🙂

  5. I have no idea what Zappos are but they sound deadly.

  6. Alice Shortcake says:

    “Ah, dammit…I’ll get him next time!”

  7. Kar,

    Its a shoe company.My ex boyfriends mom ordered shoes once a week. 🙂

  8. Rhonda B. says:

    NOMTOM, you should consider writing novels. 🙂

  9. Emmberrann says:

    @ rhondab: we have a coffee table book on NTMTOM’s agenda for whenever we can wrestle him into compiling all these magnificent moments. He never responds to our protestations that it would make him renowned or something. His mind does seem to go into some pretty skwerly directions, tho’.

  10. Maybe if we all just pre-order NTMTOM’s coffee table book, he’ll compile it for us!