Six Reasons Why Pets Are Better Than Dates

Pets snuggle with no ulterior motives.

You expect your pet to sometimes smell funny. You worry when your date does. Conversely, your pet seems to enjoy it when you are especially malodorous, whereas your date does not.

Your pet doesn’t mind so much when you wear matching outfits.

Your pet doesn’t care if you have put on a few pounds, have some extra hair in weird places or if you’re wearing those holey sweatpants. Some dates expect you to step it up.

When you give your pet dinner out of a bag, can or crisper drawer, they act like it is French cuisine.

Your pet will always be happy to see you and will act like it’s been an eternity since they saw you last. If your date is not happy to see you, get a different date. Better yet, get a pet.

In order of appearance: YoYo by Tiffany F, Hank “Hanky Panky” the Tank by Michael and LaTricia P., Mourka by Frank and Anna T., tiny tortoise by P, hungry bunny by Gary and Brenda and chinchilla in waiting by Newhell.



  1. I love this,Crazy Pants! I think I will be bookmarking this one!

    Also, eeeeeee! chincilla!!

  2. incunabula says:


  3. Also, I don’t mind if a pet sticks it’s nose in my crotch, a date…not so much!

  4. Word. Sing it, sisters (and brothers)

  5. weeeeeeeelllllllll…if said date is holding a barooing bulldog puppy and looks like Thor…THEN it’s a possibility! 😉

  6. My Lily loves to sniff where I’ve been sitting. I’d be a bit alarmed if a date did that. 🙂

  7. I don’t mind when my cat sticks his entire head into my ice cream or yogurt container. If a date did that, I might get a little lactose intolerant.

  8. Wait, only six??

    I find it amusing when my cats clean and scratch their nether regions. Any date who did that in front of me would be banned from my apartment.

  9. Mr. TL doesn’t tolerate the ear-nomming like Miss Schnozz does 😦

  10. Blue Footed Booby says:

    I don’t mind either, but I suppose it depends on the date.

  11. OMGosh! Greetings fellow COers! Forgive me, but it took this level of “practical proshness” to lure me out of lurker status. I have actually imagined the “hot date” vs. “cute animal” contest — would one choose the hoomin hottie with opposable thumbs or the scrumptious bun, pig, kitteh, puppeh, chin-chin, etc. This posting confirms my pick — ded.

  12. ‘Nuf said.

  13. I’m locked out of the Eyebrow Dot post above, so I just want to say here:



  16. I’m shaking pom poms for all of us! Go, team, go!

  17. YEAH!!!!!….so I guess I can put the craft supplies away for the next time??

  18. Ah but are Mr. TL’s ears as velvety soft as Schnozzies?
    My SO probably wouldn’t care for a boop on the nose or scritches tot he bridge.

  19. And now it’s snack time!

  20. If a date scooted his butt across the rug, well, that would be a deal breaker. 🙂

  21. Emmberrann says:

    Got milk, Sharpy?

  22. One carton per commenter and one bento box.

  23. nah, so far I’ve yet to meet a person whose ears are as soft as a puppers’ are

    (then again, it’s not something I usually check for…)

  24. I love that my kitties don’t judge me if I decide to stay in bed all day. In fact, they usually vote in favour of joining me there 🙂

  25. Lewis n' Clark says:

    I’m not so sure my kitties don’t have ulterior motives for snuggling (may I have chocolate meelks, Sharpy?)

  26. ooooooh Sharpy what’s in the bento box??? *peers*

  27. kibblenibble says:

    Hilarious captioning premise, Crazy Pants!

  28. 😆 Of, course, kittykat416 😆

  29. Oh so true!


  31. I had no idea dates were so troublesome. Good thing I eat figs instead.

  32. Love the finger-sized toitle!

  33. Ahem. Plagiarism! Plagiarism, I say! I began my ongoing essay years ago entitled “Why Cats are Better Than Men.” Please send royalties to me ASAP. Although I have to admit you came up with a few that I had not included. And you did miss the balance of my essay. Example: Cats never drive your car. Another: Cats never leave the seat up. Cats don’t mind if you put your cold feet on them in bed. And so on and so on. I will be awaiting the check. Upon receipt of royalty advance, all will be forgiven.

  34. I did not know chinchillas could be so cute.

  35. Crazy Pants says:

    Dear MsBoop,

    The check is in the mail.

    Appropriationally Yours,
    Crazy Pants

    PS Your essay rules!

  36. Thanks! Oh, yeah, check’s in the mail goes with our communal essay on “Biggest Lies.”

  37. ROFL