2:23 PM: Officers arrived at library to find Mrs. Elsie Flanwhacker shredding magazines she said promoted “immoral hairstyles.” Officers served her with warrant for past shredding offenses, which she shredded. En route to lockup, Mrs. Flanwhacker shredded back seat of patrol car. During booking, Mrs. Flanwhacker shredded the ledger, the duty roster, and Sgt. Spinetti’s dress uniform. She then refused to sign confession. Which she shredded.
You bring shame upon us all, Mrs. Flanwhacker.