And Now, a Legitimate Businessman

Hey, you. Yeah, you. You wanna buy some tomatoes? I can get you tomatoes, my friend, no problem. Beefsteak, Roma, cherry… whatever you need, I get it for you, fifty percent off wholesale by the pallet or truckload, no questions asked.

How can I offer such low prices? It would be better you should not know.

A life of crime leads to shame!



  1. I been jonesin’ for some grape tomatoes. Can ya help me out? 🙂

  2. I can certainly think of worse crimes… you can come home with me, Qtie!

  3. Thanks to CO, I now head to Dogshaming whenever I need a big belly laugh.

  4. And NOMTOM delivers, too–the giggles and snorts!

  5. 🙂 grape tomatoes are my favorites – just the right size for my piggeh too!

  6. Gah! I used the banned word, gr*pe!!

  7. Why does this doggy remind me of Richard Nixon?

  8. It’s the jowls.

  9. Because he was involved in Waterbowlgate?

  10. Because he is not a criminal?

  11. I know, right? I have four dogs, characters all. I now keep a sharpie and something to write on handy because they are never-ending sources of amusement/shame. Just last weekend, our huge (170 lb) GSD/Great Pyrenees pup walked, uninvited, onto someone’s boat while we were at the lake, and licked the head of a baby who was breast-feeding. Mama was shocked but giggled and gave him ear skritchies once she realized he was harmless; dad was mad because of the muddy pawprints on his deck. Boone is in the dog-shaming queue with that one.

  12. Jasper's Dad says:

    I hate to be a killjoy but did you know that tomatoes are bad for dogs? If I recall correctly they cause liver damage.

  13. he is not a crook? (*waves peace signs*)

  14. whoops – looks like you beat me to it, ceej – sorry 🙂

  15. Yeah, I think your quote is right, though, same idea… 🙂

  16. We need a picture of him holding up his paws making peace signs.

  17. OOPS. Sorry.

  18. well, we’re all on the same train today 🙂

  19. I have had on my fridge for several years a picture (from here or somewhere else, I don’t remember) of a sweet little dog sitting behind a sign that says “I Eat My Own Poop”.

  20. This does not surprise me.

  21. But I printed it long before I got that reputation! I swear, I wasn’t all about poop back then, I just thought it was a funny picture. I, um, ah, well…….

  22. Danny the Cat used to suck the seedy wet bits out of tomatoes if you left them out and cut open. We didn’t figure out what was happening for a long time; we thought it was bugs or mice or something until we caught him unawares one day. We called him The Tomato Vampire after that, and whenever we had cherry tomatoes we’d give him one of his own.

  23. One of my puplets has stolen the following: shrimp, tilapia, broccoli, green beans, carrots, romaine lettuce (just the crunchy ribs), and blueberries. It probably doesn’t help that I let him smell my plate so often but still.

  24. A couple of my cats are always trying to get the leaf lettuce from me, as i’m washing it for my guinea pig – must be their need/desire for greens.

  25. Hi JD: You might be confusing tomatoes with grapes and raisins. Those are bad for dogs and cause liver damage. I haven’t found any source that indicates tomatoes cause problems.

  26. REPENT of your sins, wicked dawg, and give up your thieving ways! Lest ye be cast into the outer darkness where ye will find no Milk Bones nor Beggin’ Strips!

  27. to quote commenter-who-shall-remain-nameless-but-not-really-because-I’m-quoting-her-back-to-herself:

  28. Kari Callin says:

    Certainly better than “I steal cat poop!” 😉

  29. “I vant to suck your tomatoes! And not in a dirty way!”

  30. Yes the Chattanooga Chew Chew 😉

  31. The Tomato Vampire says : Rest! Rest is good for the tomato juice!

  32. I think it’s also the scowly face.

  33. ROTFL! What a love!

  34. I had a cocker spaniel who could walk by & steal just the meat out of a sandwich sitting on the coffee table. The rest of the sandwich was undisturbed (lettuce, tomato, etc.)…you wouldn’t even realize what she’d done til you took a bite!

  35. There was a kids book called Bunnicula years ago and he was a bunny vampire…he’d suck out the veggies until they turned white!

  36. The spiel reminded of one of the suppliers at the store where I work. Luckily, Mr. Tomato Taker is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay cuter!

  37. Fird Birfle says:

    ummmm….IMHO, thees dogue does not appear to feel shame in the Act of Theft, but only in having been *identified* in said Act.


  39. The Tomato Vampire! Awesome. My Stinky was the Cherry Bandit. And the Burrito Bandito.

  40. You want a toe? I can get you a toe.

  41. Burrito Bandito! Too cute!

  42. Seconding the love for the tiniest of tomatoes! Just throw them in a salad, no cutting required!

  43. Beat me to it! Amusing book, and there are sequels, too.