Every St. Bernard’s Nightmare

I’m lost in a dense forest with no way out, and I’m surrounded by clones of myself. We’re all looking for someone to rescue, but there isn’t anybody — just this one underage kid who can’t even have brandy… That’s when I wake up screaming…

I could go for a Brandy Alexander,  Robin R.


  1. *rubbing eyes* 8O

  2. Pretty darn surreal, huh?

  3. Cambridge Rat Mom says:

    I’m still trying to figure out who has that many St. Bernards (forget about why) and then takes them for a walk all at the same time. Release the hounds, er, St. Bernards!!

  4. The incredibly sweet thing about this is that they are released, and instead of running around like a bunch of psycho-dogs (you know who you are, psycho dogs :P ), they just mosey around with those gently wagging tails. It’s so SERENE. :D

  5. Violeta Aranda says:

    I second that. My words, precisely!.

  6. “Oh when the Saints,
    Go marching in,
    Oh when the Saints go marching in,
    Lord I want to be in that number,
    When the Saints go marching in…”

  7. In that LUMBER, you mean.

  8. XD

  9. PS OK, this is def going to be the craziest thing I see all week. Now I know that a hundred panting, snorfing St Bernards make a sound like a hurricane. Why? Why is thees happeneeng? I merely ask for information.

  10. PPS: The craziest thing besides Nikki Minaj, that is.

  11. the comments on youtube say 42 St Bernards, not a hundred… but…

  12. But who’s counting?

  13. Fird Birfle says:

    Evidently, somebody who is commenting on Youtube, is counting ….


  14. Ha! Theresa, right on with your Nikki Minaj comment. LOL

  15. Ms. Minaj? :P

  16. earlybird1 says:

    Kid in crocs keeps saying “Let me out, let me out…” CREEPY, yet cute! Somehow. Anyway, I love me a St. Bernard!! I used to work at a daycare with toddlers, and one day one of them brought in her St. Bernard, Molly, for show & tell. Molly somehow sensed that these were a crowd of younglings, and she laid her huge self down placidly on the carpet while they all trounced around trying to jump on her and pull on her extremities. She was a model of calmness and self control. Sweet girl, she did better than I would have done! <3

  17. After I showed the 42 Saint Bernards snuffling through the forest to my hubby, we watched the “Dogs 101” segment on Saint Bernards, and as it turns out, they get the highest marks as “babysitter” dogs because they are very good with kids and have a placid, even temperament.

  18. That explains the St. Bernard nanny in Peter Pan.

  19. I believe the original Nana in Peter Pan was a Newfie. Also an excellent babysitter!

    The only thought I could manage while watching this (after “OMG this is AWESOME!”) was “That….is a lot of dog breath.”

  20. What… is that place?

  21. “Out for a walk with our 42 St. Bernards.” DUUUUUUDE!!! http://www.lasquitesaintbernards.com/Lasquite_Saint_Bernards.html

  22. i want to go to there

  23. Me tooo

  24. Where is this magical wood where St. Bernards roam? I need to plan a vacation there.

  25. Canada! It’s right next door for gosh sake.

  26. Gulf Islands, off the coast of Vancouver Island. Naturally.

  27. And let me tell you, Lasquite Island is about *this* big… as in, those Saints probably take up the vast majority of it.

    (Not quite, but it really is a very small island!)

  28. Sasha's Mum says:

    Is that where this is? Lasqueti? Holy hairballs, batman, I think the St. Bernards must outnumber the hoomans there! (Quickly checks BC Ferries site for next scheduled ferry …)

  29. Fird Birfle says:

    @ jujube — your question reminded me of this:

    “Meanwhile,” said Mr. Tumnus,
    “it is winter in Narnia, and has been for ever so long, and we shall both catch cold if we stand here talking in the snow. Daughter of Eve from the far land of Spare Oom where eternal summer reigns around the bright city of War Drobe, how would it be if you came and had tea with me?”(13)

  30. :D Yay for the Narnia ref!

  31. Holy St. Bernards!!! 42! Of course it would be 42… Seriously surreal.

  32. One Eyed Daruma says:

    Life, the Universe, and everything, where the factors of slobber and dog hair equal .42 of everything.

  33. (The Original) Mel says:

    I was just thinking that.

  34. earlybird1 says:

    ME TOO!

  35. Mind the bowl of petunias!

  36. Fird Birfle says:


    It’s prolly some book / film/ television show
    reference, that I don’t ken.

  37. Douglas Adams. “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.” And the whole Hitchhiker’s Trilogy (which consists of four books).

    A couple of things. My beloved black cat passed away the same week as Mr. Adams, and my hubby said that Douglas must have needed a cat in the hereafter.

    Also, I actually know someone named Douglas Adams, although he goes by Doug and has never read any of his famous namesake’s work. Gasp!

  38. @Noelegy: isn’t that sacrilege or something? Not reading any of your famous namesake’s work? (Or is it sacrilege to have never read “Hitchhiker’s Guide”?)

  39. This is really scary.

  40. The lush green with old growth screams rain forest. What a gorgeous place. No faeries at the bottom of the garden, instead, a herd of St Bernard’s. How magical.

  41. I’m sure you know why Oscar Wilde refused to sing the rousing music-hall number, “There are Fairies in the Bottom of my Garden”.

  42. I think the lush greenness of the forest is a direct result of all of the St Bernard drool that keeps the forest nice and damp…

  43. I was thinking that, too! Let a few St. Bernards roam around your backyard and you’ll never have to water the lawn.

  44. saint bernard says:

    huah huah huah huah huah huah huah huah huah huah huah huah huah huah huah huah huah huah huah huah huah huah huah huah huah huah huah huah

  45. Saint Bernard, meet Common Squirrel:

  46. old goatlady says:

    Oh my lands!!! Where do you FIND this stuff, Theresa – HYSTERICAL!

  47. I like how the little kids is all, Whatevs… just out for a normal walk in the woods…

  48. I found it strange that he didn’t even pet any of them. HOW COULD YOU NOT?!?!?!

  49. Martha in Washington says:

    I wonder if the off-camera squealing was the kid being licked by several of the gentle giants. That’s what I’m imagining anyway.

  50. Oh, I missed the squealing!!! I watched it at work without sound.

  51. earlybird1 says:

    HA! My thought exactly!

  52. Oh goodness, the multitude of white floofy tails bobbing around just kills me! It’s like a garden of fuzzy flowers waving about in the wind… Ahn…

  53. And here they are walking in the snow: http://youtu.be/ITGyZ2SY9g4

  54. Martha in Washington says:

    I love all the huffing and puffing going on! And the kid’s non-chalantness! And the greeness. And the 42 GOGGIES! *booking plane reservations to Canada as we speak*

  55. So much heavy breathing right before Valentine’s Day. :)

  56. *snerk* *choke* (That’s what I get for reading comments while eating lunch!)

  57. Fird Birfle says:

    *applies the patented Hello Kitty Defibrathingamajigg.*

  58. All those tounges. I just can’t help thinking about what type of scooper you’d have to bring with you. and a plastic bag or a dump truck? ;)

  59. Oh, the doggie breath! If that wasn’t a “rain forest” when they got there, the increased heat and humidity of their exhalations and drool would change the climate to make it one.

  60. Can you imagine how cool it would have been to hang out with these guys when they were puppies? Rolling around the grass with 42 St. Bernard puppies?!

    I think I’m putting that on my Bucket List.

  61. Fird Birfle says:

    Related Inquiry:

    Does Mrs. Bouquet have a Bucket List????

  62. Yes. And it has hand painted periwinkles on the embossed note paper, as found in Sandringham House! ;-)
    (yes, I know I combined alot of things there)

  63. She’s going to sing at me!!!

  64. *snarfle*

  65. Shut down the internet. I’ve seen everything now.

  66. earlybird1 says:


  67. NOMTOM, your caption made me LOL loudly enough to startle my whole department. Beautifully done, sir!

  68. Finally! I sent this several weeks ago!
    Listen to the collective panting!

  69. lol, only 34 this time. How on earth would know whether or not one of them wandered off?…

  70. Or how the hell would anyone know all their names?! :O

  71. :) People ask me that all the time about my cats, but I only have TEN…

  72. Fird Birfle says:

    *”only” have ten…* :)

    not to worry, ceejoe, if I had an elegent chateau isolated somewhere with no humans nearby to hold opinions about my choices, I’d probably have about 15 or so of ’em. AND have had a hard time, making the SELECTION down to only those 15 :)


    (can ya tell?)

  73. Fird Birfle says:

    oops proofread/ brain fail

    “elegAnt” NOT “elegEnt” D’OH !!!

  74. *giggle* “only” ten! I admire your restraint!

  75. DROOLSTOCK 2012!! WOOT!

  76. Totes. :P

  77. earlybird1 says:

    OK, I thought for a minute you said, “TOKES.” Shows what an after-work glass of wine will do. *shakes it off*

  78. This made my day. I really needed a smile and this did the trick.

  79. The panting! Oh, the panting of the hounds!

  80. Oh, give me a home
    Where the St. Bernards roam
    Where the kids and doggies all play

  81. And seldom are seen
    Things disturbing or mean
    When they are, they get cuddled away.

  82. Fird Birfle says:

    gizmo wins.

  83. The storm sound of that many dogs pant-huffink is disturbing.

    But the thought of how much food that gang must consume daily is utterly terrifying.

  84. Ritalin Smoothie says:

    And the amount of what comes out from the other end . . .

  85. phred's mom says:

    no wonder their forest is so lush…..

  86. As is the amount of poop that results from all that food.

  87. Oh so many lovely St. Bernards! I love it!

  88. Can we organize a CO field trip to this place? We’ll rent a bus, and we’ll all contribute snacks–it’ll be great! Who’s up for it?

  89. [Waving hand in air!!!]

  90. phred's mom says:

    me me me me me me me me me !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  91. TOO TOO TOO TOO !!!!!!!!

  92. (The Original) Mel says:

    Pick me! Pick me!

  93. earlybird1 says:

    I’m in! I’ll bring Breathbusters! LOL! My dog goes crazy for them!

  94. Fird Birfle says:

    “Put me in, coach!!
    Put me in !!!11!!!”

  95. Me too!

  96. Count me in!

  97. Martha in Washington says:

    Dibs on the front seat! I wanna be first off the bus!

  98. Fird Birfle says:


  99. I want to go there…..
    (Liz Lemon)

  100. violetgreen says:

    If the St. Bernards are migrating, Spring can’t be far off!

  101. The call of the wild, baby!

  102. Fird Birfle says:
  103. Okay, so THAT’S what my backpacking trips have been missing. I thought I just needed one, slightly hyper-active old German Shepard mix. Nay, I need 42 Bernies!

  104. I propose the following collective noun for St Bernards:
    A Slobber of St Bernards.

  105. *rises in Parliament*
    Mister Speaker, I wish to second the motion put forth by my fellow cutolexicologist, the most esteemed and honourable Mie. Thank you.
    *sits back down*

  106. Point of order! Point of order!

  107. Fird Birfle says:

    heh heh
    Th got to say that TWICE in just a few days.

    Your life is complete now, Th.
    That HAD to be the Top Item on your Bucket List , and/ or Agenda.

  108. Herehere!

  109. Perfect!

  110. That.is.utter.brilliance.

  111. I house/pet sat for a friend with a Mountain Bernese, which is similar to but smaller than St. Bernard. Man, that was a lot of dog. I can’t begin to imagine what it’s like living with 42 (!!!) St. Bernards. Just imagine the monthly food bill! I feel faint.

  112. My dad has a neighbor with a Newfie. Not only does she take up half the block, but she also has a cloud of floating Newfie hair surrounding her in all directions, sort of like a cloud of electrons. :lol:

  113. This is close to my image of heaven, although it would be a passel of Great Pyrenees, not Saints.

  114. Same for me- Doesn’t matter the breed, but big and kissy is just fine!

  115. I need to get some video of my Great Pyrenees/blue heeler mix, Rocky, and submische it forthwith.

  116. Fird Birfle says:

    nice verb and adverb :)

  117. English majors are occasionally good for something. :)

  118. Fird Birfle says:

    Are you a member of

    P. (rofessional)
    O (rganization of)
    E (nglish)
    M. (ajors) ????

    (reference Prarie Home Companion and
    Garrison Keillor)

  119. Huffing & puffing & snorffing ………OH MY !!

    No wonder the forest there is so lush. Watch where you step !!!!!!
    Calling to reserve a dump truck & back ho right now.

  120. ThirdShift says:

    I’m sorry but all I can think of, were I to be out in the woods with 42 huge doggies, is to … sonnofa …. watch where I step. :) The mental picture I have in my mind, I can’t get it out!

  121. Fird Birfle says:

    gets out a scrubbie thing, and a can of Clorox scouring powder.

    *gets to work*

  122. As someone who lives with two huge dogs, I can only imagine.

  123. Don’t forget the panting. The horrible, constant, LOUD panting.

  124. I just hope this kennel doesn’t end up featured on a future edition of “Confessions: Animal Hoarders.” The web site has ONE puppy available. What number of residents will be enough? I know, I know, naughty nuffer, harshing the mellow/cute. They ARE adorable and a happy pack and appear currently well-cared for. Still.

  125. How old is the video? Maybe they were all adopted after their amassed cuteness hit the Intertubes.

  126. No, there are 29 females and about a dozen males listed as current residents. Including puppies. Just saying. Oh, there are 4 or 5 adults also available. So at least they are doing SOME adoptions!

  127. JannieWolf says:

    That must be the most slippery, slobbery forest in the world.

  128. That what my thot: “Mai gawd, the drool …”

  129. Me tooooooooooooo (oops, slipped and fell on a slobberreddd on rock)

  130. Fird Birfle says:

    *Helps TFoz to stand back up again* :)

  131. it’s like a swarm of killer bees. Except they’re giant and they have big, wet tongues rather than stings.

  132. I think it’s next door to some Beluga whales and a mariachi band

  133. perfect! great reference!

  134. This is my fondness dream—a sea of big floppy love. Funny how the kid’s over all those dogs. Another day in the 42-dog-havin’ life…

  135. Woah. I’m seriously amazed. And not because they have 42 St. Bernards, but because they somehow have 42 dogs in the same place with no signs of fighting or any trouble whatsoever. THAT is most impressive. This isn’t a nightmare, it’s heaven!

    Or perhaps is it that St.Bernards really are Just. this. Placid? O_o

  136. Here’s a pic of one of the Moms with her new litter…it’s amazing that something so TINY could turn into a giant slobbery cuddly Saint Bernard!


  137. Layla!
    You’ve got 9 cute puppies
    I’m overcome with squees

    (apologies to Eric Clapton)

  138. Oh dear I’m in the moderation lounge. No St. Bernards in here, but there are boxes of snacks for the bus trip.

  139. Fird Birfle says:

    Here, rooane.

    I’ll set up some music. How ’bout the Cure??

  140. Excuse me, I’m looking for Beethoven #378.

  141. *giggle*

  142. stbernardmom says:

    A corner of heaven for me!!

  143. They are gorgeous.

  144. Alt Title: Every Nightmare’s St. Bernards

    I have to say, this one hovers on the edge of Just Plain Overload. I admit I’m tired, but watching this made me feel a bit anxious. But you really can’t beat it for pure snorfling.

  145. OK, that was strange. Beautiful woods, but the St Bernard’s were not doing ANYTHING except milling around and breathing heavily, and the kid and the dogs scarcely interacted with each other at all. I can’t get over how much noise these dogs were making!

  146. I would like to interview this child about these dogs! A CO exclusive!

  147. St Bernard´s Version of the Twilight Zone.

    Or Twin Peaks with dogs.

    Hey, there´s even a DWARF in it!

  148. They sound like Iguaçu Falls…

  149. I thought it was funny when the person whistled and the only one who responded was the kid.

  150. breadmaker says:

    Whew …..the food bill…..the vet bills, must take a dang well paying job for hubby just to cover them, to say nothing of family expenses, I just can’t fathom the $$$amount!!

  151. Its the question to Douglas Adams’ answer! How many St. Bernards are there in heaven? 42.

  152. What is this magical place and how do I get there?


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