This Year, Give the Gift of Mayhem!

Shopping for that hard to please person on your gift list? Surprise them with a furry friend from! Just imagine their faces when they open your package and out pops their very own bundle of mischievous mayhem, rooting through cupboards, knocking over trash cans, ripping the sofa, and so much more.

A raccoon from shows your finicky loved ones that you care enough to give gifts of distinction, and not boring items like sweaters that happen to be XL when they wear an L, and they act all insulted like you think they’re fat when it’s just that you were really busy this year and had to shop at the last minute and didn’t know what size they wore and anyway it’s a lovely pattern so would it have killed you to wear it at least once to be nice and not rolled your eyes like that?

Well, let’s see how snotty you get with a raccoon tearing around your living room, knocking over those stupid Hummel figurines that you never let me touch when I was a kid even though I promised to be careful! Oh yeah — that boring sweater’s looking pretty good now, isn’t it? Isn’t it, you pompous, ungrateful old…

Erm… I seem to have wandered off a bit there. Anyway, order now!

Mayhem captured by Flickr users Eli HodappHunterJumper and Benny Mazur.



  1. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahah *wheeze* hahahahahahahahahahahahah!
    They have such adorable faces!

  2. I don’t know what made me laugh harder, the pics or the sales pitch! *falls over, laughing*

  3. NTMTOM, you are pure genius.

  4. Second!

  5. Third!!

  6. The ultimate in passive/aggressive gift giving this Holiday Season!

    Great stuff NTMTOM!

  7. Yet one more person scarred for life by Hummel figurines. Been there.

  8. SlaveToCat says:

    Perfect gift for the In-laws you really hate to stay with over the holidays. It’s the gift that just keeps on giving.

    Chugs down a mug of Jim Beam and puts on a big holiday smile before ringing the In-laws door bell.

  9. I’m not the only one who thought of this, right?

  10. thirds!

  11. LisaLassie says:

    I am taking so many notes here. Let’s see, there are the comments by the trouble making young raccoons telling in detail the havoc to come. But then, the delicious Rant by NTMTOM!!! So interesting. So packed with dragged-up-kicking-and-screaming-decades-later complaints. Such drama, such Holiday-induced hysterical rage! Lovely.

  12. Oh thank you for that beautiful reminder!

  13. Fird Birfle says:

    I’m wondering just, precisely, HOW MUCH Mike delights in the Holiday Season …..
    and just precisely how many hours of therapy are required for survival !!!

  14. fourths!

  15. I think I will have one sent to my grandmother. She’s the “difficult” variety.

  16. LisaLassie says:

    Methinks “not much” on the first. And many, many, many, many on the second.

  17. Snort! Guffaw! LOL! Perfect rant to go with perfect pictures.

  18. Am I teh only one who thought of those commercial..
    Mayhem here.. and then the destruction begins….?

    The one where the coon is climbingoout of teh attic vents just looks like the Mayhem guy.. right before he drops something on your head, or wrecks your car or the tree drops on your house.

  19. bwahahahhaha…oh NTMTOM you’re brilliant. I was dying at picturing the Hummel figurines and the new christmas gifts wreaking havoc. hee hee…hahahaha…love it 🙂 Um happy holidays or bah humbug to you NTMTOM 😉

  20. I totally can see it KA., TOTALLY 🙂

  21. And rabies . . . Don’t forget rabies. 😛

    NTMTOM you are a beast!

  22. Hence, the phrase “hum to the bug”?

  23. I’m going with the sales pitch, on this one. Whatta riot! I love this place. My kinda humor.

    For whatever reason, it reminded me of Jack Handey. 😀

  24. Hear, hear! I love the Alanis Morissette-esque stream-of-conscious, run-on sentences o’ dredged up anger! I have felt this before. I will feel it this year too!

    So, you buy my son a too small, $2.99 Old Navy shirt (I KNOW, because I’ve tried to return them), while WE buy YOUR 3 boys $25 toys? That’s $2.99 vs 75 bucks?!! And YOU are a stay-at-home mom with an engineer for a husband, while me and the hubby work 1.5 jobs each, just to make ends meet and you can’t bare to buy your nephew something that either he will like or that will acually fit?!!!! *foams*

    Ahhhh, see? Yet another reason to love CO. Entertainment, laughs, qteness, and the place to rant too!

  25. Every time I think NTMTOM has written the best hovertexts ever, he outdoes himself. SUCH plotting by beastie #3!!!

  26. *golf clap*

  27. NTMTOM = pure unadulterated genius and is truly the king of run-on sentences that make perfect sense!!

    A certain insurance company is going to love this post….just sayin’….

  28. The rant reminded me of one of my favorite Onion stories:
    “Family Style Restaurant Offers Accusations, Belittlement, With Entree Selections”:,803/

    “We believe in treating our customers like part of the family,” manager Dean Friesz said during Friday’s grand opening of a new Ernie’s location on Jericho Turnpike in Garden City. “That’s why Ernie’s offers, free with every Old-Fashioned Super-Duper Ernie’s Entree, accusations, belittlement, and other barely disguised expressions of bitterness, despair and sour regret that typify American family interaction.”

  29. *wild applause*

  30. Yesterday, in a failed attempt to explain to a cat owner how I felt about seeing a pic of their precious feline with a chickadee corpse, I searched for pics of cats fallen to predation. Imagine my surprise to discover that raccoons happily munch on kitty cats! Now I love raccoons even more but I think I’ll keep a watch on my own pets (not cats) because they look like they have diverse tastes.

  31. SIxths becasue, there are two thirds!

  32. fleurdamour says:

    It’s like a boxful of juvenile delinquents.

  33. You aren’t kidding! Mayhem is right, I’m a wildlife rehabber…But they sure are cute.

  34. bob drummond says:

    That was a very good suggestion ! However my In-laws live all the way south in Florida .Too much postage !

  35. bob drummond says:

    OUCH !!!!

  36. They actually did one where the Mayham guy was a raccoon! Who just gave birth in your attic!

  37. Fird Birfle says:


  38. Wait a minute…you love raccoons more now that you’ve learned they eat cats? Am I reading this right?

  39. And may I please order three to go to my Mother-in-law. She so totally deserves this, for never minding her own business!!

  40. I am somewhat LESS fond of raccoons after one tore thru my roof–in a rainstorm– and into the insulation of the dormer for, apparently, the heck of it! *grumble* I love animals, but….

  41. Totally not trying to be a Debbie Downer here, but a raccoon infestation in the attic (bottom picture) is definitely NOT cute!!