Like a Thief in the Nut

At midnight, when the museum is empty and still, the rakish master thief Jacques LeFarge glides silently down from the rafters and gazes at his prize: The priceless Royal Hazelnut of Quetzalcaca, High Priest of the Inca-Dinkas.

Long has LeFarge prepared for this moment, until he knows every inch of the air duct system, the placement and range of every motion detector, the schedule of every night watchman. And now at last the time has come.

An antiquity such as this (nrrgh!) will bring a fortune on the open (hrph!) market… (clang!) Tycoons and royalty will (hnnnngh! bang, scrape!) swarm to bid on…

And as the emergency lights come on and the frantic rush of footsteps can be heard in the outer hall, LeFarge concedes he may have overlooked a small detail…

Something about best-laid plans, Miriam S.


  1. Poor little guy got totally hamsterung by the bars, there.

  2. Stosh in Costa Rica says:

    The Bars are only a TEMPORARY Slow-down… CHIP will work that nut—- around the cage walls to the door, and then enjoy the Fruits of his Labors.
    Tose pics are hilarious……..
    —Stosh —in Costa Rica

  3. OMG Chip….YOU just put the biggest smile on my face! Thank you :)

  4. Call me a hardliner if you want but I think all nuts should be behind bars!

  5. 260Oakley says:

    I think his county jail already has a cell named after him. They call it “The Nutcracker Suite.”

  6. LOVE this! I’m a long-time Spike Jones fan, but this is one I hadn’t heard!

  7. Fird Birfle says:

    *snerkity snerk snerk*
    VERRY VERRY nicely done!!!


    But Gigi — if you look at these pictures from OUR perspective,
    HE IS “behind bars” :)

  8. Nah he just needs someone to (pra-) lean on. Awful.

  9. P.S. Moi not him! Obv.

  10. “Nrrgh” is the very best sound effect ever, NOMTOM!

  11. What kind of adorable pink-nosed, BEF, teeny-fingered little critter is that?

  12. That would be the cutest of all marsupials, the Sugar Glider! See the ripples under the arms? “Wings”.

    Poor little guy, I can hear the “EH! EH! EH!” from here! :P

  13. No, no, no, Master LeFarge is a southern flying squirrel.

  14. But, but the backstory says he *glides*.
    Ergo, sugar.

  15. Flying squirrels glide too. See.


  16. Nuts. It works for Theresa!

  17. Shoot. It works for Theresa.

  18. Whatsammatter Miriam? I see a flying Skwerl, in mid-glide.

  19. It’s the magic carpet from Aladdin!

  20. Awesome, thanks for fixing that Sharpy! (my whoops on photo size)

  21. Yep, definitely a southern flying squirrel. :)

  22. Fan-freakin-tastic. Please write a book or somethin’ NTMTOM.

  23. Fird Birfle says:

    Melike yer adverbial adjective, RR :)

  24. Smokyismycat says:

    Disney needs to make a movie about a sugar glider based on this premise. It’s about time we have a sugar glider: big eyes, they can ‘fly’, they squeak. it’s practically already written.

  25. Must…have…eet. MUST. … …. ………… Oh, to hell with eet. *sigh*

  26. Fird Birfle says:

    Also — BEF AGAIN killz us ded.

    And: IMHO, Jacques might want to consider signing up for
    a consultation with victoreia or with Inspector Clouseau (“that’s NOT mah Dogue.”) :)

  27. victoreia says:

    *rummaging* I may have a tiny saw here somewhere……

  28. Fird Birfle says:

    *Leslie guffaws VERY inelegantly*

  29. Hovertext No. 2: Reffing perhaps: “My name is Elmer J. Fudd. I own a mansion and a yacht”?

  30. Ha!

  31. Freakin’ brilliant, NOMTOM. Where do you get this stuff? I’d like a glimpse inside yer head. I agree with RR, pleeeeze write a book. Modern Library edition, The Complete Works of NOMTOM, volumes I and II. Also available in paperback and digital download.

  32. We’ve politely requested a Best of NOMTOM coffee table book many MANY times…

  33. We may have to Occupy Cuteoverload in order for our demands to be heard.

    I can see the signage – “We are the 99% (who want a NOMTOM book NOW)!”

  34. Nope, in this case it would be the 100% !!!

  35. True, but it’s just that the 99% want the hard copy now, while the 1% are waiting for the Kindle version. ;)

  36. victoreia says:

    @Zippy: :lol:

  37. Emmberrann says:

    I Knew this to be a NTMTOM post! Breellient, as always! I can always count on a smile from your posts, but I long for the continuation of the stories! Oh, and BTW, what do Inka-Dinkas Do? (Hotcha!)

  38. Emmberrann says:

    Just a question here, anyone else here remember Jimmy Durante?

  39. Yes.

  40. Emmberrann says:

    Thx, Theresa! Nice knowin’ I ain’t alone out here!

  41. ‘course not :) goodnight, Mrs. Calabash…

  42. Emmberrann says:

    Awwwwwh, how’d you guess dat wuz me? I thot it wuz a seecret!

  43. victoreia says:

    And Mary Wickes!

  44. Mary Wickes rocks!

  45. NTMTOM, you have outdone yourself. The plot, the hovertext, the nrrgh!

    Chip gets an extra acorn for breakfast…handed directly to him.

  46. Miriam, are there other pictures of Chip somewhere on the web that we can peruse?

  47. You MUST visit this link! Every one of those pics is CO worthy!

  48. Cutest pet evar!!!

  49. Holy moly!! I am ded from the qte! Do you give them free run of the house all the time, or are they in cages sometimes?

  50. They’re killer qte. Love to come out to play at night. Run around, hide nuts in my closet, raid my food cabinet, cheep to get me to play and then they put themselves to bed. Sometimes Cocoa rebels and sleeps in a towel.

  51. That is how you ground a flying squirrel.. :P

  52. You must sprinkle salt on it’s tail.

    Cheeep, go to other side of barred box…the is open.

  53. He is clearly no Alexander Mundy…

  54. I’m sorry, but Inca-Dinka’s? Only you sir could pull that off with a straight (but stuffed) face. We salute you.

  55. SlaveToCat says:

    “Sometimes you feel like a nut…..Sometimes you don’t.”

    Maybe Jacques LeFarge should skip the hazel nut and settle for the Nutella.

  56. Oh, man. And I thought the first two pictures were good! This is a true masterpiece of scrolldown comedy.

  57. I love the picture of the squirrel ( it is a squirrel right?) with his teeny tiny paws creeping over the bars and his head peering at the hazelnut 8)

  58. The hovertext on the first photo is spot on perfect. His little mouth looks exactly like he is saying “oooooooh!” Such a fantastic post!

    NTMTOM, I wish there was a Pulitzer Prize or Nobel Prize for blogging. Because you’d win it paws down!

  59. Chickenlegs says:

    awwwwwwwwww–poor wittle Chipster! Give the boy a nut Mommie!


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