Apocalypse Bow-Wow

As the pilot steered us upriver, I reviewed Colonel Kats’ file. The Army had sent their finest dogs to chase him, but nothing had come back but rumors — whispers of a cult deep in the jungle, where dogs and mice alike worshipped Kats like a god.

The pilot, a schnauzer named Chase, had been eyeing me nervously the whole trip. Finally he spoke. “My orders say I’m not supposed to know where I’m taking this boat, so I don’t!” he said. “But one look at you, and I know it’s gonna be hot.”

Susan G. shares a letter: “My name is Chase, and I’m a 9 year old miniature schnauzer. Ok… I’m not so miniature. Anyway, these are pictures of me driving my daddy’s boat this summer in Summerville, South Carolina.”



  1. I LOVE his shocked eyebrows!

  2. 260Oakley says:

    From Conrad’s “The Heart of Barkness”

  3. NTMTOM, your story is outstanding! I am laffing myself silly, not that I wasn’t already silly!

  4. Saigon. I’m still only in Saigon. Every time I think I’m gonna wake up back in the jungle.


  6. Not That Mike The Other Mike says:


  7. OY!

  8. Making NTMTOM LOL– priceless! 😀

  9. I love the smell of bacon in the morning.

  10. Fird Birfle says:

    HOME RUN parallel/ video clip, Theresa!!!
    (“D”ja EVer notice???? ….” *snerk*)

    oh — and Chase is
    Uber-Adorable too!!!! (Pilots usually are good-lookin’ , y’know ….)

    Bravo and Brava to all involved in this post!!!

  11. marthamv2 says:

    Driving daddy’s boat…? Sounds a little spoiled to me.

  12. Fird Birfle says:

    *obligatory reference to Tiger’s Blood*

  13. Oh how you crack me up Theresa! Nicely done!!

  14. “…I watched a snail crawl along the edge of a straight razor. That’s my dream; that’s my nightmare….”

    The Horror…The. Horror.

  15. Mary (the first) says:

    I Love Chase! Looks like he had to stop to read the map or something, he has reading glasses in the second photo .. sunglasses in the first. He looks very dashing in either/both!

  16. Stud alert.

  17. I ❤ schnauzers

  18. “One through nine, no maybes, no supposes, no fractions. You can’t travel in space, you can’t go out into space, you know, without, like, you know, uh, with fractions – what are you going to land on – one-quarter, three-eighths? What are you going to do when you go from here to Venus or something? That’s dialectic physics.” :LOL:

  19. No, it looks like the same glasses both times — they just have only mild tinting.

  20. Stay in the boat. Stay in the boat.

  21. I love the smell of bacon in the morning 🙂

  22. Actually I think they are mirror glasses and in the second pic what you see is the reflection of the doggy’s muzzle.

  23. FTW(for the win)
    Apocalypse Now reference………;

  24. JohnnieCanuck says:

    And the John Deere collar? Is that part of his cover story?

  25. The loons Norman! The loons!!!

  26. Thought of Conrad immediately. I bet that book would have been 100% more interesting if Oakley had written it. (Putting a bug in your ear).

  27. ahahhahah!!!

  28. earlybird1 says:

    AHHHHAHAHAHA! He looks like a little old man! He reminds me of someone’s beloved grandpa, the one who smoked a pipe and always had a hilarious story to tell. LOVE IT!!

  29. earlybird1 says:

    I can just hear him harrumphing and grumbling about kids these days. XD

  30. earlybird1 says:

    Actually in the first pic he looks like an old Harley Davidson buff.

  31. And the loons are playing “Ride of the Valkyries.”
    “Apocalypse On Golden Pond” 😯

  32. Mrs Psmith says:

    “I’m not even a dog – I’m a MAN!”
    “Well, nobody’s perfect”

  33. earlybird1 says:


  34. HA!

  35. Yaaaay! My schnauzer isn’t so ‘mini’ too! Rimski says Hiiiii Chase! 🙂

  36. cellarmouse says:

    thanks … wasn’t sure it was “heart of darkness” … there were shades of “i love the smell of napalm in the morning” … either one”the horror, the horror” …

    but cute doggie is pure “catch 22″/ mash cpl klinger … he knows what he’s doin’ …

  37. It’s Charlie Allnut from “The African Queen”!

    Hang on to your corset Katharine!

  38. victoreia says:


  39. victoreia says:

    There is a striking resemblance to one of my grandfather’s cousins…..especially the “whiskers”…… 😯

  40. Captain Chase says thanks for posting his pictures! We sent them in almost 3 years ago… and we just happened to be surfing the web tonight and shrieked like little kids when we saw our baby on cuteoverload!

    By the way… Chase has a new boat now and lives in Texas. :O)

  41. so? :O)

  42. Hi, Rimski!!!

  43. I tried to tell Rover that there are lots of animals that other people think are cute on CO, so the chances of them having a miniature schnauzer were pretty slim, but he insisted. And this is the first thing up.
    On top of all his other amazingness, it seems that he is also psychic.

  44. What are pets for if not for spoiling?

  45. I don’t think so — I think the frames are differently shaped. Look at the bottom corners.

  46. Same glasses… I promise. And Chase is laying here next to me just thrilled y’all are taking an interest!!

  47. Awesome post!

  48. songbrdnurse says:

    That’s EXACTLY what I was gonna say…..he looks like a furry Bogie! *gasp* Was that a wink in that 2nd pic, or is it just me? Sigh…heart’s aflutter 😀

  49. Do they move to Autumnville in September?? O.O

  50. He’s a good boy, sent by Petco clerks, to collect a biscuit.

  51. yes! “Never get out of the f-ing boat!” My motto.

  52. “Never get out of the boat.” Absolutely g-d right! Unless you were goin’ all the way… Kurtz got off the boat. He split from the whole f-n’ program.

  53. Padfoot_Lives says:

    Three years ago….THREE YEARS?!? Wow.

    This gives me hope! 🙂

  54. Too funny. I was trying to figure out who he reminded me of… = -)
    That’s exactly it! teehee.