It happened early in the third week of the expedition. The winds of Antarctica whipped especially strong that day, and I had wandered far away from base camp, lost and alone. That’s when I heard the crunch-crunch-crunch of webbed feet in the snow behind me, and turned in time to come face to face with…
A penguin! He had probably been stalking me for hours, but there was no time to think about that as the giant beast threw his crushing weight upon me…
I could feel the fiend’s razor-sharp beak tearing into my flesh, and I knew I had only one slim desperate chance to survive. Using my finely-honed Judo skills, I flipped the beast over and slammed his face into the cold snow-pack!
And just as quickly as it began, it was over. Panting, I crawled out from under the monster, grateful to walk away with my life — and quite a story to tell back at camp!
Captured on film by Flickr user pinguino k.
Big Brave Expedition Kitty has mad penguin-fu skills.
And NTMTOM thanks for the hearty laugh this morning! Tewtelly brill, as always.
“Folks, welcome back to Ultimate Fighting – The Extreme Wilderness Edition. We pick up the action in Round 2: off balanced by the reigning champion’s Superman Punch, the challenger immediately rolled onto his back, greeting the opponent with all five of his pointy ends. ‘The Emperor’, now attempts to pass the guard, relentless pressed forward with his signature “ground and peck” technique. But the “Kitten”, with a single-side hip thrust, throws the champ off him, and smoothly transitions into a arm bar. Just look at the intensity in his face, ears pointing all sideways! The challenger is showing surprising maturity as a fighter here: as anyone who has tussled with such round and slippery foe can attest, the flipper is one of the few places on a penguin where you can grab onto and apply leverage. And extra points for improvisation: with humans you usually don’t have to bicycle kick the torso, or bite the hand you’re applying the arm bar to… Here comes the finish: the kitteh has slipped into a rear naked choke, where the champ’s proud beak is safely pointed away from him. A thoughtfully administered bite to the back of the head, it’s all over now!!”
Clap, clap, clap…
Oh good, my slow clap processor made it into this thing.
YES!!!!!!
I love Portal 2 so very moishe! ^_^
And the crowd goes wild!!1!
YAY!!!1!!1ELEBENTY!!
You’re hired.
Take that, National Geographic! Cuteoverloaders can write, too! HAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIII-YAH!
I love the fierce claw akshons! (and of course, I second Nikki”s comment regarding NOMTOM’s hysterical narrative skills.)
I ADORE claw splayage!!
aarrrrrrrrrrghh…. Penguin Attack. Hear me LOL!
Coming to theaters this summer: The Emperor Strikes Back (shown with the featurette: March of the Pointy Ends)
“The Emperor Strikes Back”, my kingdom for the ability to thumbs up 260O!
In the interest of full disclosure, my kingdom only includes rulership over 2 kittehs and 3 doggehs, none of which actually recognize said rulership.
“In the interest of full disclosure, my kingdom only includes rulership over 2 kittehs and 3 doggehs, none of which actually recognize said rulership.”
Can I come and live in your kingdom? Mine has 7 evil-kitteh-overlords and a goggy overload, they insist that I am the servant to their every whim and lemme tell ya I iz getting pretty darn tired of fetching da-newspaper! ;-0
HAW!
You’re hired, too!
heh heh
As standard customary procedure with a NOMTOM tale, I enjoyed the setup.
For a moment, I thought we were dealing with a live organic life-size penguin….
then I saw a cuddly fuzzy grey fuzzball, and a small stuffy pengy …. and had flashbacks to CONAN[another fuzzy young feline]‘s terrifying ordeal
with THA BEAR ….
and then NTMTOM added the word “fiend” into tha mix.
Je suis “slain”.
*ka-THUNK!!11!!!*
(slips pillow under Fird’s head)(waves fan over Fird’s face)
*whew*
whew! that was a close call!
(that 2nd photo had me chuckling)
What a desperate tail (hehe) of survival!
That second picture is so funny! The kitten’s all like,”Mruf pruf gurf luffle guf!” And I think all that translates to “HALP!!!!”
Awww what a little precious sweetie! In his sweet little head he totally thought he was being attacked by a giant penguin.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen quite that much space in between kitteh toebeans (with accompanying claws) before.
Those are some SERIOUS jazz paws!
I love the claws and tailio nubbin in the first pic!
Looks like the kitty from Surprise Kitty. Tooooo cute.
yes, true and YAY!!!
That was my first thought !
The Giant Kitteh-Eating Penguin – just one of the many hazards faced by feline polar explorers. The Seal of Disapproval is another savage predator.
NOMTOM’s posts are the reason I get up in the morning.
HAAAAAAAIIIII-YAH!
Tha’s nae ordinary penguin! That’s the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered fowl you ever set eyes on!
Look, that avian’s got a vicious streak a mile wide! It’s a killer!
He’ll do you up a treat, mate. I’m warning you!
He’s got huge, sharp… er… He can leap about!
I warned ye!
In the mod lounge, sipping fine brandy and eyeing the penguin reading the Nat Geo centrefold in the over-stuffed leather chair across from me.
*snerk*
@ dub1:
http://www.thinkgeek.com/images/products/zoom/monty_python_rabbit.jpg
Yup, nothing for it but the Holy Hand Grenade.
FIVE! [Three, sire . . . ]
Peeps amaze me:
http://tektonten.blogspot.com/2008/12/holy-hand-grenade-of-antioch-papercraft.html
wow
Looks like the plush subspecies of Aptenodytes forsteri. A cunning and implacable foe.
such cool vocab ici~~!!
…whose evil plot was thwarted again by an innocent, meddling child.
/ love that word, ‘thwarted’, like ‘cunning and implacable foe’, we just don’t get to use it as often as we like to. Thanks again CO.
I’m waiting for the movie. In IMAX. 3-D. With Mike doing the script. Narration by that guy who announces boxing matches.
“Let’s get ready to r-r-r-r-rumble!”
TOTALLY!!!!
Mike????
Except for the 3-D part, I’m totally for this!
[In David Attenborough voice] “The juvenile has survived his first true test out here in the wilderness. He has learned a valuable lesson today. In time, he will put that knowledge to use as the hunted becomes the hunter, and the endless cycle of life will repeats itself pitilessly over and over again…”
Ha!
back at camp I decide it was time for a snack before my nap.
I <3 NTMTOM
Thank you for waking me up and cooling me off, NTMTOM!
NOMTOM, any progress on that CO book? with cool pix and clever commentary by 260Oakley and other wits? plz plz plz
(don’t forget the “Cute Men of CO photos”)
actually, what I meant was, “Cute Men of CO” photos.
Amen to that!!! I am getting plumb tired of waiting for this calendar! Sheesh already!
Amen to the 2th power squared. We want a NTMTOM book! Ok, a pamphlet? C’mon, awready!
Got to say that this feeroshus kitteh has got me in its little pointy-ended paws! I am halpless (and hapless) to resist heem.
Oh my GOSH!! Your narrative is HYSTERICAL!! Love your site. Keep up the good work!
I am SO stinkin’ impressed. And frankly, scared, too. *Keeps looking around for stalking penguins*
*cue JAWS music*
Reading about his terrifying ordeal made me so anxious that I had to pull out the picture of the marmalade kittens to soothe myself!
Deep breaths……….
heh heh!!
Careful there Skippymom, marmie huffing is a gateway drug…
I can stop any time I want!
But why would you want to?
‘Zackly.
@ skippymom:
“I can stop, anytime I want.”
Me: SNERKITY SNERK and also SNERK
(and of course, you know that I mean that, in
)
“the best possible way”
A whole book of pics and stories like this would be AWESOME!!!!11!!
I also think it should be peppered with 260Oakley’s puns, as well as the wit and whimsey of many of the truly talented peeps on CO.
Of course, we’d still come back here for the live akshons, which I would not miss for the world!
Another one where it’s better to not scroll down to see the whole photo until absorbing yourself in the story line.. all I could see was part of the evil penguin and then.. LOL when I saw the little cutie with pointy feets. (I love kittens! and penquins!)
The plushie penguin that sits atop my printer says to remind folks that this particular pengie is probably a renegade, and that most plushie pengies are, in fact, very polite. Some might even offer you tea!
HI Plushie Pengy!! Hi Jimbeaux !!
I bow to your plushy Pengie! Hello Mr Pengy. And yes, I would love some tea.
I wonder what goes through their little kitty brains when they play like that. I have often heard Scout hiss at her toys after playing/fighting with them as if the toy actually tried to fight back. She never hisses at people, so the toy must have done something to really piss her off.
Evil plushies!!!
i love the battle ears in the third pic.
Lol, ‘battle ears’.
What always cracks me up is when kittehs are attacking the evil plushie and then in the middle of the assault start grooming the toy. I’ve seen a few cats do this and it never fails to make me laugh.
They do that to each other! I love that. It’s the Fight-Groom-Fight-Potentially-Endless Loop. In my house it always went something like
“Lick lick lick lick lick OMG HOW DARE YOU FIGHTFIGHTFIGHTFIGHTFIGHTFIGHT . . . lick lick lick lick . . .”
Kind of like the boyfriend-girlfriend acts. Fight-Love-Fight-Love, etc.. It’s the way of Nature.
We observed Maggie and Philo embroiled in that loop the other morning. Philo was starting to get pissy, because his tail was swishing, and he was looming over Maggie, who was on her back with her paws in the air. She would wave a paw thisclose to Philo’s nose, as if to say, “I’m not touching you! I’m not touching you!” Philo finally tired of it and went WHOMP upon her.
@ Noelegy:
HA HA The CLASSIC, traditional eight-year-old kid “tease ‘em THIS close until they attack, and then THEY’ll get in trouble with mom for the assault” strategy~!!!!!
I have a brother who’s six years younger. He was a master at this technique!
With mine, it’s usually “Groom-Fight-Ignore-Fight-Ignore-Fight-Fight”
..and mine ALWAYS end it with “sleep-sleep-sleep,etc”
@ Theresa:
NICELY DONE, MA’AM!!
Your fight narration abilities, rival those of this guy:
http://www.audiomicro.com/free-howard-cosell-sound-clips
OMG, I have no witty repartee, but that is the cutest thing I’ve seen all day! Thank you CO. xoxo
That kitten has quite an imagination!
I love the kitteh and his pengy. But the story that NOMTOM added makes it hilarious.
NOMTOM, can we have a book? NOMTOM’s Greatest Hits? Pretty please? I would totally buy 4 copies. One for myself, and 3 to give away to my best friends.
There is never a day that isn’t brightened by seeing kittens, but some days they’re a bit more needed than others, if you know what I mean and I think you do.
I am a friend-of-a-friend to this Cuteporter, Pinguino, and am happy to see her photos here! She takes amazing photos and is a talented artist.
She’s actually having a very rough time with her sweet kitteh Mochi, who has recently gotten very sick and run up vet bills into the thousands. I donated to help with his vet bills, and am looking forward to hearing about his recovery: http://mochicat.chipin.com/mochi
This needs to be a video.
It would be a lot funnier if it was.
i can’t believe the cameraman just stood by and took pictures instead of helping out the poor kitty.
ooooooo the kitty-manity!!!!
Can we haz two out of three falls ?
NTMTOM should write a book. Or several. This just totally cracked me up! The grey kitten has opened up a can of whupass on his attacker. I ADORE the CLAWS OUT! GO KITTY-CAT ACADEMY FOR BOYS AND GIRLS! HOME OF THE RAZOR CLAWS! action. As if it’s some sort of high school wrestling match competion. The Kitty Cat Academy fight song goes as follows (and has been taught to me as mandatory wake up in the morning sing to him music) by my cat. *ahem*
We at Kitty Cat Academy may ne’re be smart,
But our claws will forever be sharp!
Razors! Razors!
Our paws fight with might!
Sharpen! Sharpen!
’til Dawn’s early light!
Mice, mice, from our dorm be gone…..
We are the kitties of…everything in the world!!!!!
(I know their fight song makes no sense and does not rhyme. But don’t tell them that. They already feel entitled enough to take over the world so they don’t care whether or not their fight song makes any sense.)
*profoundly amused sigh*
I LUVs me some QoD!!!!!
(heh heh …”doesn’t rhyme”, etc.)
It’s so awesome when our friendly felines enjoy playing with our otherwise inanimate animals.
With Love and Gratitude,
Jeremiah
“It can be the biggest penguin you’ve ever seen. An electric penguin, twenty feet high, with long green tentacles that sting people, and you can stab it in the wings and the blood can go spurting psssssshhhh in slow motion.”
And now Mr Flibbles is very cross.