This Week, on “Antiques Roadshow”

We’re in Hardup, Utah, the Beehive State, and we can’t bee-live the treasures we’re appraising in this hive of activity! Here’s some of what you’ll see in our first hour:

A crystal pig with a digital clock embedded in its side, of which only 36,045,940 are thought to still exist today…
One-half of an elaborately decorated metal brassiere, part of the costume for the earliest American production of Wagner’s Die Walküre
This one-of-a-kind paperweight, origin uncertain…
And a bowl of hand-carved wooden fruit that may have been accidentally nibbled by a slightly inebriated Theodore Roosevelt.

How much for the paperweight, Fiona C.?



  1. I am buying… 🙂

  2. The jelly mold as “one half of an elaborately decorated metal brassiere…” Here’s Snerking at you, NOMTOM!

  3. Guinea Peeg Lover says:

    I want the paperweight I want the paperweight I want the paperweight gimme the paperweight gimme the paperweight I WANT IT!!!

  4. fish eye no miko says:

    “One-half of an elaborately decorated metal brassiere”

    I’m reminded of “How to Train Your Dragon”… (-:

  5. earlybird1 says:

    That paperweight is looking mighty pleased with itself. LOL!!

  6. Miss Havisham’s table?

  7. One-half of an elaborately decorated metal brassiere, part of the costume for the earliest American production of Wagner’s Die Walküre…

    Spelled correctly with umlaut and everything! Oh Baby !!!! I am SLAIN!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

  8. Aurhora says:

    The first couple times I looked at the pic I did not notice the cute little “paperweight” at all!

  9. I’m having some doubts on the provenance here – If Teddy Roosevelt had chewed on wooden fruit with those horse teeth of his, they’d be in worse shape than that!

  10. On first inspection, the paperweight looked rather like a plate of roasted chicken.
    Or maybe I’m just hungry.

  11. victoreia says:

    …..And I don’t want to think about the corsets!

  12. “Provenance”! (takes drink)

  13. Forget the corsets. Those gals need support up top, but they need room to expand their diaphragms. :mrgreen:

  14. PS: “Fruit!?? DEEEEE-lighted!”

  15. Ooh! I love these games. Let’s see, I found the apple, the candlestick, the shot glass, the basket, . . . what’s a “canid”? And where’s the Hint icon?

    Help me out, or I’ll never find the key that opens the Professor’s library.

  16. earlybird1 says:

    Me either!

  17. earlybird1 says:

    @Theresa: BWAHAHAHAHA! *also takes drink*

  18. Not That Mike The Other Mike says:

    Cut-and-paste is our friend. 🙂 On a related note, I enjoyed the Metropolitan Opera’s recent live performance of Die Walküre at my local movie theater.

  19. Emmberrann says:

    Is that Provenance, RI?

  20. earlybird1 says:

    Never have I seen such intense glares combined with such unintelligible operatics! I need to learn German! Or Italian! Or something else – someone please enlighten moi!!

  21. I’m betting this paperweight much prefers this fancy antique shop over traditional flea markets…

  22. @earlybird1 they are basically saying “Does my elaborately decorated metallic brassiere make my butt look big?”

  23. baileysgrandmom says:

    And the first prize of 10 Interwebs goes to Nikki!

  24. Valliea says:

    Shouldn’t he be classed as a pupperweight?

  25. There’s an awesome book I read once about sex-related stuff people have patented (not erotica, but utility things) and it talked about bras — presumably designed by men — that were meant to be made of “thin steel.”

  26. (The Original) Mel says:

    I love you so much.

  27. Pizzzzzza pie girl says:

    I think the crystal pig is more like a crystal turtle. Maybe I’m not looking closely…

  28. NTMTOM, you’re insane, thank the cute gods.

    (Although I do believe that’s a crystal turtle, not a pig. Just sayin’.)

  29. joools in PDX says:

    Thank you RR, I was just about to point that out. And seconding the motion to declare NTMTOM insane AND a national treasure!

  30. Fird Birfle says:

    well, aww-RIGHTY, then!!!! 😉

    I can understand your response. It IS rather piquant and well-crafted, is it not?

  31. victoreia says:

    😆 *snerk*

  32. Fird Birfle says:

    nope. Je crois, qu’on parle de la Provenance, een la belle France, where thr English eez spoken, only weeth zee outrageous Frawnsche accksents….

    Entirely Untrue.

  33. Fird Birfle says:

    (Said in condescending Frenschz Waiterz Voice)

    One muust peruze all zee cornairs uv a Mike tale. E.g.: “Hardup, Utah…”

    Giggling Very Unsophisticatedly.

    (tee hee)

  34. Fird Birfle says:

    heh. heh.

    (hides in corner)

  35. Not That Mike The Other Mike says:

    That’s really the name of a town in Utah, for the benefit of anyone who’s wondering: 🙂

  36. Not That Mike The Other Mike says:

    You could well be right. To be honest, it wasn’t clear to me either, so I just went with “pig,” which was my first impression. 🙂

  37. Fird Birfle says:

    “wow. Tha thangs we larn heah on CO!!!11!!!”

    The item that I figgered was a NOMTOM deelight….is an actual PLACEname????

    *is both befuddled & dee-lighted*

  38. Mary (the first) says:

    What Mel said.

  39. Mary (the first) says:

    I third.

  40. Mary (the first) says:

    Crystal turtle: $2.95. Metal brassiere: $300-400. Paperweight: priceless.

  41. Wheeeeeeeeeee! I had an awesome two opera weeks the last two weeks of the season, with two Ariadne auf Naxoses, and two Walküres.

    NTMTÖM, yöu röck. 😀

  42. Actually, they are saying “We are burning in resentment because the elaborately decorated brassieres did not make it back from Thor’s forge in time for curtain.” :mrgreen:

  43. SlaveToCat says:

    As a one time guest expert on Antiques Roadshow specializing in all things cute and adorable I believe the “metal brassiere” is actually the first prosthetic device developed for use after a mastectomy in1437. By the looks of this piece it was cast in Hamburg in the year of 1475. And the value, at auction, would be $12,000 – $15,000.

    The value of the creepy but kinda cute paper weight is priceless. A real national treasure.

  44. Oh how I heart you NOMTOM.

  45. Yes, Mel, I have it.

  46. 260Oakley says:

    I would simply call him an objet d’arf

  47. Eeep! I’d hate to have to wear them in winter! 😯

  48. 260Oakley says:

    Wow, that’s some booby prize!

  49. I’d be willing to take the paper weight off your hands (and into my lap)!!!!!

  50. victoreia says:

    Methinks they was runnin’ outta place names by then!

  51. I really love the added commentary on the posts. It’s really hilarious a lot of the time. Great job!

  52. ::tsk:: That’s not a paperweight. It’s an envelop and stamp licker.

  53. ::tsk:: That’s not a paperweight. It’s an envelope and stamp licker.

  54. Ali-baba says:

    Owwwww…..that snortlaff I just did hurt! 😉

  55. What the heck is it that people always go to see the chicks in horned helmets? I’d rather see Rheingold or Götterdämmerung anyday.

    I mean, Götterdämmerung. Doesn’t it just sound like the party to end all parties?

  56. I want to feed that paperweight it’s weight in bacon. Is that wrong?

  57. I saw something about that. One such design suggested adding little holes in the cups to permit normal aspiration of the skin. I can’t help but imagine a girl wearing such a thing while riding a bicycle, listening to the sound of the wind whistling through her body armor.

  58. Madame X says:

    It *is* the party to end all parties!

  59. If feeding bacon is wrong I don’t wanna be right ;- D

  60. It just fit on Hiccup’s head. Mom must have been quite the woman.

  61. That’s why they were Hardup.

  62. No, the creepy thing as the dvd notes, is that the cups for Stoick’s and Hiccup’s hats are visibly different sizes.

  63. It’s THAT good.

  64. Michelle says:

    Is also probably one of the only Utah cities not to be named for something out of the Bible.

    I have a small suspicion that everyone is a little Hardup if they are living in Utah (said by someone who Wants to Move).

  65. bookmonstercats says:

    They wear flowing gowns to sing in public for a reason – there’s an awful lot of pulling it all in, pushing it all up, forcing it all out and starting all over again.

  66. bookmonstercats says:

    Does it include the Marx Brothers?

  67. bookmonstercats says:

    How do you DO that?

    Loving NOMTOM

  68. bookmonstercats says:

    I am kilted DED!!1111!!! by that clip 🙂

  69. Hmmm. Bacon not withstanding, I believe the original design of the paperweight is Mexican. However, the present example appears to be a later American version produced by (expert glances furtively over his shoulder and lowers his voice to a confidential whisper) “reproduction.”

  70. DogCatcher says:

    Is it just me, or is freeze drying and stuffing your doggie just a little bit creepy?

    I love my beagle more than my wife but I just couldn’t do that to either of them. Opps did I just say that out loud? Note to self…”buy flowers and jewelry on the way home for the adorable little wife”.

    Hopefully the late great paper weight finds a nice home.

  71. I fourth . . . and I can foresee more marriage proposals for NOMTOM based on the fact that, in addition to all of his other coolness, he appears to love opera . . .

  72. Emmberrann says:

    That paperweight looks like it’s enjoying the sunshine, rally, deah, when you get to be a suhtain age, y’know, it feels sooo gooooood….

  73. Emmberrann says:

    It *is* the end.

  74. Emmberrann says:

    Is that sort of like Tuscany, only not?

  75. Emmberrann says:

    Haw! Good one, 260O!

  76. Emmberrann says:

    I have a sneakin’ suspish that the pupperweight dun’t need a new home, its probly just sittin’ and sunnin’ near its momma.

  77. cellarmouse says:

    really? wow.

  78. And if you get tired of that place, you can come visit No Name, Colorado.,_Colorado

  79. Stealth cute!

  80. ROFLMAO… My thoughts when I just watched it.

  81. Noelegy says:

    The town I grew up in was once upon a time known as Toadsuck, Texas. Since the late 1800s it’s had a more conventional moniker.

  82. Noelegy says:

    I’m not sure that puppers is stuffed, just posing. I think the story NTMTOM made up was just…implying that the pup was among the objets d’kitsch.

  83. Fird Birfle says:

    heh heh.

  84. *raising hand* I’ve been to the Ring Cycle five times (six next season) so I wouldn’t say I just go to see the chicks in the horned helmets.

    Also, given different productions, chicks in horned helmets aren’t too thick on the ground anymore.

  85. Teddy?!

  86. I think there’s still a Toadsuck Arkansas. 😉

  87. Erm, I think that pup is indeed still with us.

  88. Fird Birfle says:


  89. It doesn’t even have the Croft brothers. 😦

  90. Eek! A beige bat!

  91. “Party like it’s 1875.”

  92. Personally I never got past the plotline in the second one:

    – You’re my long-lost brother!

    – You’re my long-lost sister!

    – Let’s show our filial love!

    Even George Lucas wouldn’t have gone that far. I think. I also think that I’m a giant nerd.

  93. Hayley Mac says:

    That pig is a turtle

  94. PAPERWEIGHT = PRICELESS!!! She comes with a loving, tender personality and obviously loves the sun.

    Digital pig actually crystal turtle, but who’s counting…

  95. Oh noooo…. that paperweight is anything BUT cute! It is grotesque! I am totally against freeze-dried pets, and have too much respect for my animals to do this to them.

  96. PUP IS NOT STUFFED OR FREEZE-DRIED!!! she is a real, living, sunbathing chihuahua…

  97. Emmberrann says:

    That ain’t no bat, and it ain’t freeze-dried, it’s just a li’l ol’ pupper-Light-weight, settin’ and a-grinnin’ in the warm sunshine-light, and you stop pickin’ on’m, y’hear?

  98. Emmberrann says:

    P.S. I seen picshurs of beige bats-they really are-and they’s cute, and they eats bugs. Lotsa bugs.

  99. That is EXACTLY what I thought…I didn’t even notice the pupperweight at first- just the adorable crystal turtle haha 🙂

  100. Is the crystal with the embedded clock actually a pig? it looks more like a turtle