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From the monthly archives: January 2011
You’re On Notice, Mister!
January 14, 2011 By
“All right, Tom Nom, or whatever your name is, I’m on to your game! You like to make us animals look stupid by putting silly words in our mouths!
“Well, that garbage stops right now, pencil-neck! I’m putting on my stern face to warn you that if you pull that with me, I’ll monkey fusebox your argyle butterbean frackety garble bibbity-bobbity-boo!”
And the moral, Nieske V., is: Don’t annoy a writer.
No You Cannot Go Out!
January 13, 2011 By
Remember what happened last time?
You got banned from the zoo, the dry cleaners, and that cat will likely, um, EAT YOU.
Let’s not even mention the duck pond incident, Baxter.
A Lively Spot of Tea
January 13, 2011 By
Er, I say, (adjusts monocle) it appears the teabag is attempting to escape. Cheerio, old chap!
You can’t rush a good cuppa. Dreadfully sorry, Brandi S.
The Cheese Puff Gourmet
January 13, 2011 By
Ahhhh… (sniff, sniff) A pleasantly piquant puff, this, evenly dusted with a heady array of cheese-like chemical products…
And now for that crucial first sampling… (lyurp!) Alas, the tantalizing promise held forth by the aroma is betrayed by hard, unyielding consistency of the puff itself. This shall not do; remove it from my sight, please.
No pleasing some people, Chris S.
A Day in the Life of Squirrel Temp
January 13, 2011 By
7:35 AM: I overslept! I’d better floor it if I don’t want to be late my first day!
8:17 AM: Coffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffee!!
10:30 AM: I’m on stapler detail. It’s actually kind of fun, but I have to jump really hard to get through more than six sheets of paper.
12:32 PM: Only 30 minutes for lunch?! Guess I’m eating at my desk, grr…
3:52 PM: “Move this!” “File that!” “Bring me my pen!” “Paint the break room!” They sure keep a girl busy around this place, don’t they?
9:26 PM: Another day, another dollar, I suppose… (zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz)
Welcome to the working week, Sarah S.
If I don’t make it out alive, you can have all my tickets.
January 12, 2011 By
Wha-wazzat?! Did you see that? That one moved! There! Another one!
Keep your eye on the ball, Peter B.
Howlin’ Tucker Plays the Blues
January 12, 2011 By
Won’t somebody help me, satisfy my aching need?
‘Cause I got a big confusion ’bout the nature of my breed.
I’m puzzled at my muzzle and befuddled in my noodle
Can’t anybody tell me just what the heck’s a Schnoodle?
Righteous, Chief Sister Ossifer.
An Appeal from the Regional Chairman of the Zombie Anti-Defamation League
January 12, 2011 By
Aaaa-UUUHHHHH-nnngh! Why people run from zombie? Zombie not hurt you! Zombie want play! People get many wrong idea from movies! Think zombie eat braaains! Is not true! Nibble arm, maybe leg, but not sweet, delicious braaaaaaains!
Seems reasonable to me, Audra S.
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