(clears little throat)
by Ham Bumfuzzle

Effluvium which blunderguffs frum Jabberwocky’s lair,
Kerfuffles my collywobbles
And my tookus absquatulates
Frum the gastronomy there.

Do hamsters even have a uvula, Hannah B.? ’cause I think I just borked mine.
P.S. COXJCU (Cute Overload Xtreme Jabber Close-Up)


  1. (The Original) Mel says:

    Sounds more like Vogon poetry to me, and has caused one of my eyes to swell closed.

  2. Walking E says:

    After reading this little gem, I think it’s safe to say that Vogon poetry is now only the FOURTH-worst poetry in the history of the universe.

  3. victoreia says:

    Are you sure that’s not Vorlon poetry? I’d swear Ambassador Kosh said something similar……

  4. Gigi (the original one) says:

    Well it’s not Klingon love poetry, he’s not trowing heavy objects.

  5. ♫♫ I thought that was Klingon opera! ♫♫

  6. Gigi (the original one) says:

    No I think that involves swords LOL!

  7. Actually, IIRC, it involves both throwing things and swords. (Possibly throwing swords, too.)

  8. I thought swords were things!!!?? Venn diagram, anyone? :P

  9. Throwing things ONTO swords?

  10. well we have been forced to sit here and listen to it – it’s worse when it’s not voluntary

    forced into it by that cute little hammiefasche!

  11. You mean the Bogons?

  12. muttluver says:

    Haha hey, it’s an ode to Jabberwocky, and I like it!!

  13. He looks like one of those origami lords that I used to do as a kid.

  14. Teughcats says:

    The whiskers!!!!

  15. Oh my… Wee peenk nose, leetle beady eyeses, wheee wheeee wheeeskers bigger than him… I am ded from qte.
    *kerplops on floor, ded*

  16. puddlepeppers says:

    We who are about to ded…

  17. …sawoowt yew!

  18. cubbybutt says:

    dangerously cute

  19. So *that* is what a Frumious Bandersnatch looks like.

  20. canadianmary says:

    Yikes he looks like a Beatrix Potter creature(or even figurine!)
    TOOO cute…

  21. absquatulate? I love it!

    Sadly, I don’t think I’m allowed to use it in my documentation. I don’t even know how I would work it in, but I’d love to try!

  22. Tech writer, eh?

    1. In the expanded tree view, right-click the Bandersnatch node and choose Absquatulate.

    2. In the Absquatulation Parameters dialog box, enter the appropriate Mimsy Coefficient. Allowed values include any double-precision real number between 1.0 and 3.0.

    3. Optionally, use the Frumiousity slider bar to define to define a relative parameter value between Large and Small. Or, clear the Frumious check box and enter the Borogroves manually.

    4. Click OK.

  23. @HP, Wonderful!

    I’m sure some people that read my stuff probably think it sounds exactly like this.

    I think I’ll copy and paste your procedure into my manual and see if the editors notice. I’ll even include the, er, hamster diagram for them!

  24. It’s borogoves, dammit!

    Other than that you’re perfect and I love you.

  25. Dev work was done in Bangalore. I PR’ed “borogRoves” but it was priority 3 and RTM is next month. I have to match the UI as it stands.

    That’s my excuse and I’m sticking with it.

    Regarding your love for me, we’ll build a dream house of love:

    – East of the sun

    – West of the moon

    – Close to the sun by day

    – Near to the moon at night

    NOTE: By sharing our love in the pale moonlight, we agree to live in a lovely way. Click Agree to continue.

  26. I just have to note that there are two run-on sentences in the previous reply. It is 10:30 pm where I am, and ordinarily this would’ve been caught in editing or peer review.

  27. Swing it! *snapping fingers*

  28. @Theresa: A righteous pad where you can really lay it on me!

  29. We’ll ditch the squares!

  30. >>Click!<<

  31. *sigh* I went to school to become a tech writer, and have been a medical biller for the last 10 years to pay the bills.

  32. This has been bothering me for two weeks, and no one’s reading this thread anymore. So, anyway . . .

    You realize nobody’s hiring, right? I wish we had an opening. Great tech writing challenges, and the SMEs are starting to overwhelm the real writers. We could really use someone with DITA experience and decent analytical and semantic skills. But I’m not in a position to hire, and someone would have to die before you could get a job here. Not that we’re all not incredibly overworked, but the beancounters are still looking at the economy.

    Learn some CMS, if that wasn’t in your degree. It’s the future. Data models, SQL queries — it’s all part of tech writing now.

    I assume you’re in STC and get the newsletters/magazines/whatever? It’s worth the minimal investment, or at least a trip to the library. Just for the ads.

    And you gotta be willing to relocate.

  33. “Kerfluffles my collywobbles”????? *ded*

  34. tesstricks says:

    Is that Colin Furth in The Ham’s Speech? A groundbreaking performance, bravo!

  35. OOooooh, Colin! Almost the first and foremost of my ISEDHs!

  36. O NO He/ She/ It DI-unt!!! says:

    *giggle* ALMOST the ….(etc) :)

  37. ISEDH needs to go into the CuteOverload glossary!

  38. As long as it is attributed to ME ME ME ME!!! :mrgreen:

  39. muttluver says:

    ……………….ISEDH? I’m sorry, but that’s a new one on me.

  40. ISEDH®
    “Invisible Stable of Extra-Dimensional Husbands.”

  41. WHOA!

    Actually, reminds me of Damon Wayans doing Oswald Bates. :lol:

  42. PS I would post a clip, but Oswald was often NSFW. :mrgreen:

  43. *beep*

  44. O NO He/ She/ It DI-unt!!! says:

    Wot I enjoyed, AFTER the brilliant virtualEnglish wordies, is the posishe of Senor Ham’s handsies and his/ her elegantly manicured fingerses.

  45. And the jowlsies. OMH (OH MY HAMMIE)!!!

  46. Is he the new Poet Hamulate?

  47. How can he be so un-freakin-believably cute??!! *faint*

  48. Awwwwwwww, a real-life Hampton the Hamster! Adorable! :lol:

  49. How on earth do you get a Roborovski to sit still long enough to take a picture of it?

  50. So that’s what it’s called! I had to do an image search or Roborovski and lookit what I found:

  51. I have a Roborovski that looks just like this! He sits just like that, too, kind of on his tail, with all four paws off the floor. Sleeps like that.

  52. Ham-let: “To beep or not to beep. That is the question.”

  53. Martha in Washington says:

    Oh, DEFINTELY to beep! Or to boop, your preference.

  54. It was brillpig.

  55. …and the slightly toes.

  56. Plus I know it’s a hammy not a piggy.

  57. victoreia says:

    Sounds like a new band: Brillpig and the Slightly Toes….

  58. (The Original) Mel says:

    I would go see that band out of morbid curiosity.

  59. superboymom says:

    Robo hammies are so tiny and sweet! My son had 3 named Peanut, Butter and Jelly. They were about the size of a large marshmallow when they curled up like this little guy. It was tempting to just want to pop them in your mouf . . . delectabuhls!

  60. Andi in NC says:

    awesome names!!!

  61. My daughter just loves Robo Hammies. They are the cutest things…..but I won’t let her have any right now. I don’t think our bunny and 2 dogs would like them very much. Well….the border collie mix would LOVE them, he would put them all in his mouth at once and play!

  62. earlybird1 says:

    OH! His perfect little roundness! And his tiny pink leep and soft, soft ears! But I think my favorite are his bottom feet. ADORABUHLS!!!

  63. I’m sure this little guy knows to shun the frumious bandersnatch.

  64. Not a fan of rodents generally, but that is indeed one delectabuhl morselet. Reminds ME of the dormouse.

  65. “Where my nom is?”


  67. Their wee feets always look like itty bitty q-tips to me . . .

  68. earlybird1 says:

    YES! I was looking for the right thing to compare them to. THAT’S IT!

  69. baby birdie says:

    “Beware the Hammerwock, my son!
    The jaws that nom, the claws that catch!
    Beware the baby bird, and shun
    The frumious Hamdersnatch!”

  70. baby birdie says:

    I like puns. :)

  71. Beware the hammiehocks, my son!

  72. MommaMackie says:


  73. I wonder what my doctor would say if I told her I was suffering from an absquatulating tookus…

  74. He would next ask about shpilkes in the ganechtigezoint.

  75. I think I had that taken out when I was kid. Hm…

  76. She would have to take a lookus…

  77. BWAH! :mrgreen:

  78. I’m with Ali-baba….*ded from cute*

  79. *Grace Slick voice*
    What the Hamster said . . .
    We’re all deeeddddddd!
    We’re all dedddddddd!
    (from the qte :mrgreen: )”

  80. *claps* hahaha!

  81. How can anything be this cute???? How? HOW/!?!?!

  82. This was especially good and I had to LOL over and over. Great references and wonderful reworking of the original odd words! As for the hammie… I luff leetle peenk feets!

  83. Pulitzer!

  84. Surrealle says:
  85. Martha in Washington says:

    Does anyone else picture this little guy with a proper bowler hat and a pipe?

  86. earlybird1 says:

    don’t forget the monocle.

  87. “Monocle smile!”

  88. Martha in Washington says:

    So where’s the video to go along with that comment? Slacker! ;)

  89. Awwww…soooo adorable…

  90. Ded.

  91. Omg what a sweetheart. The body shape, so round… It’s like it’s built for sittingks. Like thees.

  92. Omg! What a butterball. I normally do not like rodents, but this is a cutie. Too bad they can’t stay that little.
    What a roly poly.

  93. Actually mine does stay that little.. Like another poster said, they’re about the size of a jumbo marshmallow, and as hyper as if they’d eaten a whole bag of them too.

  94. this is pure genius, pyrit.

  95. bob drummond says:

    He so cute! Is Russian Hamster,Dah?

  96. Is Roborovski.

    Is also adorableski.

  97. OMGee….totally bite-size!!!!

  98. OMGaaaaaaaaaaaahshes….so cute it hurts. He’s practically ROUND!!!

    Ham Bumfuzzle is such a gifted speaker. IOh, plzzzzz, is St. Louis on his schedule??!!

  99. AND MY AXE!

  100. I get the feeling that if I’d shake his paw, he’d look at my hand confused and nervous. I would still have to shake his little front paw.

  101. Give the little guy a sunflower seed or something.


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