Aw, Nuts

All Monday I sit by this bowl, with nought to do but pine
With an acorn in my heart to nosh these nuts of mine.

My humans eat them all the time, I pecan see them do it.
With that shiny tool they use, it seems there’s nothing to it.

To meet my need I’d glady read each book in academia
to learn the knack I sadly lack to crack a macadamia.

Mister, cashew teach me how to be a happy snacker?
I’ll eat my fill, Bert, once I learn how to work a nutcracker.

I have a feeling that Cliodna will crack this sooner or later, Sharon S.


  1. I bow to thee, o great NOMTOM.

  2. (The Original) Mel says:

    We’re not worthy.

  3. Awwww, such pretty eyes.

    NOMTOM, your poetry has made me swoon. Marry me.

  4. Get in line!

  5. Cambridge Rat Mom says:

    me first!

  6. Maybe he likes boys?? :-)

  7. Then you can get in line, too. :D

  8. Nobody likes a line-jumper, Evan! I agree with AuntieBellum! :-D

  9. *pulls a ticket from the number dispenser*

  10. skippymom says:

    I also swooned, before even reading the words. Tom Nom is going to have to marry all of us.

  11. Cue commercial: “Next season, on Sister Wives…”

  12. Gigi (the original one) says:

    Shouldn’t that be “Next season on Cute Wives Overload” ??

  13. Skippymom, you’ve heard of my ISEDHs® ?

  14. skippymom says:

    Yes, and I was meaning to ask you: Can they be dead? (Obviously this is unrelated to Nomtom.) My ISEDH is relatively small, and one of them–my godlike favorite library school professor–died a few years ago. Can I still keep him in the stable?

  15. :lol:

    Oh, seriously..

  16. skippymom says:

    Rats! I meant “deceased”. I keep forgetting that that other word trips the moderation machine.

  17. I got moderated once. I was so proud.

  18. it wasn’t so bad, was it? i try to give it that “green room” feeling.

  19. It wasn’t in my original model, but give it a try and see if it works for ya.

  20. What we used to call “Pointless Lust Objects” on a newsgroup I used to frequent. :)

  21. Ok, I give up! I know what you’re talking about, and I know I’ve seen the post where you defined it, but I can’t remember exactly what the acronym stands for. Would you ‘splain, please, for those slow folks among us?

  22. (The Original) Mel says:

    Invisible Stable of Interdimensional Husbands. Also, NTMTOM is married, so interdimensional it must be.

  23. Aha! Thank you!

    I was trying to make the “I” stand for “Inappropriate,” or something like that. (Which isn’t entirely off the mark, come to think of it. :mrgreen: )

  24. *Waving hands madly* It was my idea!

  25. (The Original) Mel says:

    Yes! And it is fabulous! You are a genius.

  26. wannadance says:

    but i was first a looooooooong long time ago when yall was jes’ a twinkle in somebody’s ah….


  27. Mary (the first) says:

    Yeah, get in line!!

  28. O NO He/ She/ It DI-unt!!!! says:

    ceejoe, the rule about that, is that you have to send a sufficient bribe to HonGlad (who lives in England or Gt. Britain or somewhere over thar)….
    IN ORDER TO be on the Waiting List.

    I think Victoreia (or somebody?) already discussed the bridal gown (or the lack thereof) ….

    I di-unt bother. Je n’ai pas assez d’argent, pour ca.

  29. bookmonstercats says:

    O No, I offered Hon Glad the deeds to my house if he’d let me be first in line for a date with NOMTOM, dressed (me, that is, not Hon Glad, ‘cos he’s a man) in something suspiciously like a wedding dress and veil, and it STILL wasn’t enough. I don’t know what I could offer Hon Glad, now that NOMTOM is a Poet Laureate.

  30. O NO He/ She/ It DI-unt!!! says:

    *shares an empathetic, tragic Sigh of Angst*

  31. thelittlemyrmidon says:

    Pretty eyes, but would be prettier if someone cleaned the boogers out.

  32. “All Monday” Ha! (rubs eyes) It’s still there! Hee!

  33. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA! *wipes tears*

  34. “to learn the knack I sadly lack to crack a macadamia.”


    That’s the best string of internal rhymes since Cole Porter wrote “flying too high with some guy in the sky is my idea of nothing to do.”

  35. (psst… you share a name with my bigeared beastie in the picture)

  36. SnowyLeop says:

    That’s my favorite line, too

  37. Me three! Also, I want some macadamia nuts now.

  38. Don’t eat too many– you know what they do to you.

  39. O NO He/ She/ It DI-unt!!! says:

    The last time I priced macademia nuts,
    they were about as expensive as buying a platinum ring with channel-set rubies.

  40. earlybird1 says:

    Agreed! That line swept me off my feet too! NTMTOM, I salute you!!

  41. wannadance says:

    afreed, so much. nomtom CONSTANTLY amazes me. and i love him. always have…

  42. I’ll eat my fill, Bert??
    this is up there with the Prickly Kid!

    (also, I’m curious to see what Oakley can add?)

  43. Dang, I just got that. Too smart for me Mike.

  44. Same here. And I didn’t notice the “All Monday” until Pyrit pointed it out, either.

  45. me either…
    makes ’em that much better when they’re so cleverly disguised!

  46. O NO He/ She/ It DI-unt!!!! says:

    How many other CO’ers also were tuned in, to the fact that his byline also uses “pine” as a verb and that there are, indeed, “pine nuts”???

  47. Oh, dear, me too. At least I am in good company.
    *Carries platter of snacks over to other just beginning to guffaw adn “get”it*

  48. Nomtom’s poetry is awesome, as always, but LOOK AT THAT NOSE!!!!1!

  49. skippymom says:

    Nosicle freckles! BOOP!

  50. marvincat says:

    look at the 3 dots on the kitteh’s nose!!! I would have to boop all 3 of them every time I was in their vicinity!

  51. Mary (the first) says:

    Ok, with this kind of post I deliberately wait to scroll down for the photo until I’ve read the words, and on this one I admit when I read “nosh these nuts of mine”, my thoughts were all over wondering what in the world I would see when the photo appeared. I was delighted to see the beautiful kitteh with forlorn expression!!

  52. Me, too! I do that anyway (deliberately scroll down), just because I don’t have my browser in full-screen, but when I saw how this one started, I slowed down to savor it. :D

  53. *snerk*

  54. Not sure if those eyes are hazel but they sure are pretty. Mike, we really aren’t worthy.

  55. The eyes aren’t really hazel, it alludes to the hazelnut. Just another one he slipped in there.


    (sorry, sorry… I’ve been hanging out with soldiers all day)

  57. earlybird1 says:


  58. wannadance says:

    oh, lawsy, take me now! theo!! soldiers…nomtom….creepy nutty kitty…

  59. Got that part, but those eyes deserve a special mention. Not sure if they’re the color of beechnuts or butternut squash. They sure are pretty though.

  60. Why are green eyes called hazel? Hazelnuts are brown!

  61. Gigi (the original one) says:

    Maybe it’s for witch-hazel not for hazelnuts?
    The witch-hazel plant has green leaves.

  62. But all plants have green leaves!

    OK, most of them anyway :P

    And witch hazel flowers are yellow (and flower in winter, which is kinda cool).

  63. bookmonstercats says:

    Beats me too, starling, but pure green eyes are rare. Mine are dark green shot through with brown, so are probably better described as “hazel”.

  64. I have eyes which appear brown from a distance. Once at a former job, I was standing up and talking to a team lead, and all of a sudden she broke off in the middle of what she was saying and exclaimed that she thought my eyes were brown, but up close she could see they were really dark green! It tickled me because it appeared to derail her train of thought completely. :)

  65. wannadance says:

    glad you got over the shooting, scairt me..

    i have those eyes that have rings and flecks.

    aaaaaahaahhhhhhh: flecks…
    depends upon what i wear: blue, green, brown or flecky

  66. O NO He/ She/ It DI-unt!!! says:

    My eyes are a standard, medium green with no streaks.
    And, ‘way back in the Pleistocene Era, my hair (which is still very very thick and pretty darn curly) …was rather a chestnut brown, with lots and lots of coppery red.

    Thanks, Nana!!! (Hutt)

  67. I wonder if “hazel” didn’t used to mean “brown.” I was reading a historical novel once where the author described one of the character’s eyes as “pansy brown.” I don’t think I’ve ever seen a brown pansy.

  68. marsheeeee says:

    When my mom married my dad, she thought he had brown eyes, which she has. But when all 3 of her kids wound up with blue eyes instead of she took a closer look and discovered they were hazel. Note that all 3 of us came out looking like my dad’s great uncle, so we were his (or his great uncle’s, but I digress).

  69. wannadance says:

    i’ve seen pansies that were partially a cordovan brown. shot through with cordovan

    (sorry: it’s the measles)

  70. wannadance says:

    before you take off the outside, don’t look at the inside, because the outside is more greeny, oh, hell, let’s just call it pitcherchooooio. scuse me.

    i have the measles. round 2. it can happen. i feel so ridiculous…

  71. Kitteh hoping to be Chock Full O’Nuts? Terribly cute 

  72. Kitty does have a very poetic expression.

  73. Tom Nom (or whatever your name is), you’re a genius! Bwah!

    Your coffee table book will have a poetry section, won’t it?

  74. Yes, and about that coffee table book… haven’t heard anything from upper (or otherwise) management. Has is started production?? Will it be available soooooooonnn??? I’ll take a thousand, please.

  75. I’ve just got to get this off of my chest, nuttin’s better than NOMTOMs poetry posts! A corn-y contribution, I know.

  76. victoreia says:

    I worship at the altar of NTMTOM……………

  77. SnowyLeop says:

    Brilliant – just brilliant!

  78. S.J. Hartsfield says:

    Oh for pity’s sake. NTMTOM, you are just too cool for livin’.

  79. I would call those eyes copper. I would also call them gorgeous beyond compare. And I love her name; naming a cat after a goddess seems quite fitting to me!

    And well done, NTMTOM!

  80. puddlepeppers says:

    Yay, my cat rules!

  81. bookmonstercats says:

    She certainly does! With those eyes, she could rule teh world.

  82. Own! Sweetie!

  83. a thumb! a thumb! my kingdom for a thumb!

  84. 260Oakley says:

    “If I eat this whole bowl, I’m gonna pea nuts all night long.”

    (Since there is no way I could top NTMTOM’s brilliance, I had to aim lower.)

  85. Well, as long as you aimed at something…

  86. :snork:

  87. *Chico Marx voice* Peeeeaaaaanuuuuuuuuuuuts– to you!

  88. Snerk! I wondered why there were no peanut puns to be found. Thank you for filling that void.

  89. wannadance says:

    actually, that’s good considering the competition. this whole thread i gotta save along with the fuzzy bagel one…

  90. fish eye no miko says:

    [standing ovation]

  91. Yes, huzzah huzzah!!

  92. NTMTOM (If I may be so informal), you rule!

  93. Leaf it to NTMTOM to come up with such a witty post! You must have been the most poplar boy in school. When did you decide to branch out into poetry? I try to be punny, but my ideas don’t always bear fruit and then I’m stumped. But maybe I shouldn’t bough out just yet. With NTMTOM at the ‘elm, we’ll soon all be writing tree-tises on the topic of nuts, trees and the like.

  94. O NO He/ She/ It DI-unt!!! says:

    *enthusiastic, appreciative applause*

  95. [leaves]

  96. [eats shoots and leaves]

  97. [eats, shoots and leaves]

  98. wannadance says:

    dern i want that book so bad. stuff like that just slays me…

  99. wannadance says:

    i grow old, i grow old
    shall i wear my trousers rolled?
    it took oh, it took minutes
    to see theo leave and leave.

    i just plain grow old
    is all.

  100. I’m not even gonna tell you how I generally feel during the first half of morning PT. And then the second half.

  101. O NO He/ She/ It DI-unt!!! says:

    *giggle* Theo added to your “branch” of Tree-mendous Talents!!!

  102. ;)

  103. Sorry if I got a little sappy there… I’m sure you’re all sick a’ more puns by now. The root of the problem is that I’m a geek, yew know, and sometimes I get holly silly when I’m bored.

  104. :lol: Brilliant, Wolfie!

  105. O NO He/ She/ It DI-unt!!! says:

    NOTES: This is relevant in its mood only.

    BUT I DID attempt [ alas– unsuccessfully]
    to find a selection which concerned
    trees/ leaves & such.

    Five minutes’ research was all that I was willing to invest, for this contribution to this conversation!
    ALSO: NO intention of actually consuming, nor encouragement of OTHERS to consume any animals, at any time, in any way whatever is to be inferred.
    JIST a silly bit, o riddim & rhyme.

    (drumroll, please, Maestro?)

    There was an Old Person whose habits,
    Induced him to feed upon rabbits;
    When he’d eaten eighteen,
    He turned perfectly green,
    Upon which he relinquished those habits.

    The Illustrious Edward Lear,

    per webpage

  106. CoconuCheez says:

    NTMTOM, you are so talented. Great poem :)

    also, cute cat :P

  107. Copperbat says:

    hahaha “All monday” and “I’ll eat my fill, Bert”


    I <3 NTMTOM!!!

  108. I read the poem out loud to my husband, who enjoyed it. But I actually choked up a bit on the ‘macadamia’ line. Then we had the following exchange:

    Him: Are you crying?
    Me: It was brilliant!
    Him: You’re nuts!

    And so we’ve gone full circle.

  109. BenPanced says:

    *polite golf applause*

  110. CLIO: Excuse me? Unshelled nuts aren’t exactly blue-ribbon kitty treats.
    SHARON: And you’re a lousy pet squirrel.

  111. I’ll have to remember that the next time my uh, tenants register complaints about the lack of fresh tuna.

  112. Tenants? Don’t you mean “owners”?

  113. Cambridge Rat Mom says:

    You are a freakin’ genius. I worship the paper you write on or the digital device you type onto.

  114. wannadance says:

    i worship your ability to think of both…

  115. I’m not used to getting that look from any cat but my own.

    Dry nuts? What, are we out of wet nuts? Because these are dry. I can’t believe you’re doing this to me.”

  116. (The Original) Mel says:

    You could always boil peanuts like they do in the deep south. Don’t ask me how I know this, (I escaped OK!) but they are delicious!

  117. @Wolfie *stands and applauds*

    *adds a wolf whistle or two*

    @NTMTOM—-you give me endless almond Joy.

  118. *say in Elvis voice* Thank you, thank you, I’ll be here all week!

    Added a few more, above. I’m such a sap.

  119. Clio offers her greatest thanks for NOMTOM’s wonderful Poem. We are framing it next to her window seat! :)

  120. O NO He/ She/ It DI-unt!!! says:

    ooo, look!! Clio is upside down in sas’ avatar!!!

    [Note: If I had memorized the entire thread, where all the CO peeps played around with text effects, I would have written upside down here. But I didn’t memorize that thread. *sigh* :( ]

  121. I love the poem and I really LOVE to snorgle that kitty :D

  122. Martha in Washington says:

    NOMTOM–I wanna have your babies

    over for dinner someday so I can ask them if you are this witty at home.

  123. LOL!!!!

  124. wannadance says:

    well i can confirm from FIRST PERSON EXPERIENCE that he is somewhat shy, extremely smart in many areas, companiable to talk to, does not correct my spelling, dresses smartly in a black leather jacket and yes, just as witty, funny, with a touch of downright goofiness.

    all true and i adore him. i am too old for him or i would drag him off into the bushes and compromise him. somehow.

  125. Martha in Washington says:

    Dear wannadance,

    Where do you live? Is it close to NOMTOM? Do you have his address? Phone number? Work schedule? Access to his mail? No, no particular reason for asking.

    NOT a Stalker

  126. O NO He/ She/ It DI-unt!!! says:

    ……quite refined, there, Martha!!!

  127. O NO He/ She/ It DI-unt!!! says:

    “with a touch of goofiness” = WIN!!!

  128. NOMTOM – pure NOMTOM. I enjoyed it immensely.

  129. The Dutchess of Cupcake says:

    Okay, seriously great poem. Love it!

  130. wannadance says:

    how weird. they all look like laura bush…

  131. O NO He/ She/ It DI-unt!!! says:

    *golf applause*

  132. EXCELLENT!!!! I would put up the ladies applauding in tribute to the ladies applauding, but that would be insufferable.

  133. We would be down the rabbit hole!

  134. It would be more meta than meta-meta. :mrgreen:

  135. O NO He/ She/ It DI-unt!!! says:

    Patito Gigante FTW!!!!

  136. I don’t see any cashew nuts – was kitty referring to the brazil nuts in the bowl?

  137. Who ordered the Pulitzer? I got one Pulitzer here for “Best Poetic Cutography.”

  138. Becky, Bubba's mum says:

    NTMTOM the bard, I bow to thy wit and wisdom. Excellent!

  139. freetomato says:

    My rat terrier Speck has gotten into a nut bowl before and she can not only crack shells (walnuts, Brazil nuts, almonds, etc) she daintily extracts the nutmeats and spits out the shells. Speck is also the reason I can’t have a lovely kitty like this one – she would not be willing to share my lap.

  140. I was at Vision World once, and a young lady was there asking the fella for contact lenses that color. She said she wanted to look like a cat. :>)

  141. marsheeeee says:

    Instead of BROWN…. I meant we had blue eyes instead of brown eyes… Previous post, way up there.
    Oh never mind. And add me to the NOMTOM fantasy husband line, please.
    Beautiful cat.

  142. wannadance says:

    eye genetics is so much fun. hazel is blue and brown somehow gooshed together….

  143. bookmonstercats says:

    I didn’t know that, ‘cos there’s no blue in my brown, just green, but it makes sense. My mother’s side of the family is all blue-eyed, slim and blond – sadly, I don’t take after my mother’s side, just my father’s, dark and stocky!!

  144. baby birdie says:

    The “NOMTOM fantasy husband line”? Well, if NOMTOM really wrote this poem, then he is a genius.
    That is a pretty cat, but the kitty has a look on his/her face like, “What are YOU lookin’ at?” :)
    Some people are calling Not That Mike The Other Mike “NOMTOM” because it can be pronounced. I think I’m going to start calling him NOMTOM instead of NTMTOM.

  145. wannadance says:

    best to accept the slobbiest way since that is the universal way.
    i know mike (future spouse) and even i call him NOMTOM

  146. bookmonstercats says:

    Really, wannadance? Wow (swoons).

  147. wannadance says:

    i think the cat looks all ‘busted’…

  148. “acadamia” (sic) macadamia—you guys are the best. Your website keeps me sane!! I bless you humorous wordsmiths and wish you continued brain power and cuteness!!~
    With LOVE,

  149. April's NaNa says:

    Oh,the weather outside is frightful, but these puns are sooo delightful. … And BTW Miss Kitty has beautiful AMBER eyes…

  150. wannadance says:

    FTW amber. of course

  151. baby birdie says:

    Love the poem, NTMTOM!

  152. Brilliant!

    I counted 8 nutty references (almond, nougat, pine (nuts), acorn, pecan, macademia, cashew and filbert). Did I miss any?

    Hail our Poet Laureate, NTMTOM, wordsmith extraordinaire and master of all that’s twisted funny cute!!!

  153. Blonderengel1999 says:


    No nuffers about no nutz fur da kitteh?


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