I Could Never Get Past This Part

You stand inside the cavernous Temple of Ashcamatazz. Light from nearby torches barely pierces the gloomy darkness. At the north end you see the Chalice of Secrets in its place atop the high priest’s altar. There is an exit to the south.
There is a level 12 Mage here, between you and the altar.

> talk to mage
The Mage does not return your greeting.

> kill mage
What do you want to kill the Mage with?

> banana
You cannot kill the Mage with the banana.

> kill mage with sword

As you draw your weapon, the Mage calmly raises his robed hand and summons the +5 Chinchilla of Fluffiness. As you stare into its beady eyes, you can feel the life drain from your body.

****************** YOU ARE DED FROM TEH QTE ******************

Let’s just play Pong, J.S.


  1. You are likely to be eated by a gru.

  2. If this predicament seems particularly cruel, consider who’s fault it could be- not a tortch or a match in your inventory!

  3. I crack the whip, you play the game!

  4. Shouldn’t this be, you are likely to be eaten by a bleen?

  5. Quote for the ages:
    “You cannot kill the Mage with a banana.”


  6. It’s “the banana” which makes it funnier!

  7. more bananas = more funniers. that’s the law.

  8. I want that engraved on my tombstone.

  9. Do they do bylines on headstones?

  10. do i get a byline?

  11. Theo- That can be arranged; how soon would you like it? Starts polishing the top three stairs :)

  12. Suddenly… Bananas!

  13. cyberpunkrocker says:

    Obviously, the Mage has learned his Monty Python properly:
    “How to defend yourself against a banana”
    — John Cleese

  14. “Or a pointed stick”

  15. Bwahahahahahahaaaaaa ha

  16. Queen of Dork says:

    >eat the banana. Potassium level is now 14.

  17. You can *never* kill a mage with a melee weapon! Only magic can defeat magic!

  18. I guess you’ve never played Fire Emblem? They have high res, but their hp is piddling.

    My guess is this guy is using sweater magic instead of staff magic for a critical hit.

  19. In all the Infinity engine games (Baldur’s Gate, Icewind Dale, etc) the secret to killing mages is using ranged attacks to interrupt casting and buy time for you to close to melee range with a fighter. If the enemy had enough time to raise defenses against melee, he also has a billion layers of spell protection.

    In which case I cast pierce, breach, spell penetration, dispel, warding whip, and ruby reversal totally at random because who the hell can remember what dispels what?

  20. Uncle Chan says:

    Magic must defeat magic!


    I am very tired! Make tea!

  21. YOU WIN, Uncle Chan! :D Dragon Talisman FTW!

    NTMTOM, the text in this post is some of your best yet. <3 You're awesome!

  22. paulajeanne says:

    omg! talk about memories of “Colossal Cave”! would have loved running into this little cutie there.

  23. oaklandcat says:

    My stepfather wrote that game! The original text adventure! :D

  24. Whoa.

  25. Cool! I love those. I’m still a member of Asylum Mud.

  26. LibrarianJessica says:

    This is why I adore your posts most of all, NTMOTM. (All my love to the rest of ya, NTMOTM wins.)

  27. Zork’d

  28. XYZZY! :P

  29. bookmonstercats says:

    Hello, Theo. Merry Christmas to you and yours.

  30. A hollow voice says “Fool.”

  31. Arrgh Zork!!! I’m having flashbacks to all those parts I could NEVER get past!!!

  32. I used to have Zork for my Apple II+ back in the 80s. Entirely text-based. A great game, nonetheless. Did I just date myself? I swears I’m just a cute 20-something.

  33. Don’t feel bad, I can go back as far as the Commodore PET. All us OGs (Original Geeks) are gettin’ old :D

  34. Anyone remember the Hitchhikers Guide game? I always had my house bulldozed. :cry:

  35. ralphmerridew says:
  36. RUN AWAY

  37. Yes, yes, and F*** THE HITCHHIKER’S GUIDE GAME. Loved the books, but the game was nothing but stupid and cruel to its audience. A ragged scar upon the otherwise happy tapestry of memory that is Douglas Adams. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to throw myself at the ground, and miss.

  38. O No He/ She/ It Di-unt!!! says:

    er…..so noted ……


  39. oh man, I had Zork for the Commodore 64 and the Hitchiker’s Game! also had The Leather Goddesses of Phobos – don’t ask. memories!

    The chinchilla is very qt btw.

  40. I never could catch the Babel Fish.

  41. Good lord, I’m STILL being haunted by reminders of the Babel Fish from Infocom’s Hitchhiker’s Guide text-based adventure? It’s 2010, almost 2011! Let me BE!

  42. That is the one and only text adventure I ever attempted. I got so frustrated with that stupid fish, I gave up on it and all other text games.

    Nowadays the most complex game I play is Spider Solitaire.

  43. Or I would get stuck at a Vogon Poetry Reading.

    Oooh, PanGalactic Gargleblasters!

  44. 5^^now8ing says:

    Wow! I b’lieve that was even before the Commodore 64, my family’s Zork-engine-of-choice! It was so cool when my husband brought home a REAL computer from work, and you no longer had a long pause when you solved something, as the 5 1/4-in. floppy digested the information! What wonderful times! Our poor pre-school daughter (who was already reading, over our shoulders) was terrified of grues for years!

  45. cyberpunkrocker says:

    “Snowball” on Sinclair Spectrum 48k was the first text adventure I completed… Oh, how the time flies…

  46. I’ve got you beat — in the late 70’s, you could play ADVENTURE which I believe was the first text-based computer game. Played it for hours (sometimes on black screen with orange text monitors — remember those?) while I should have been doing homework for Computer Science classes — keyboards and monitors were a step up from Ye Olde Teletype ande Punch Cards. XYZZY forever!

  47. oaklandcat says:

    my stepfather wrote that game! He wrote it for my stepsisters, his daughters, to entertain them when they were young children. :)

  48. O NO He/ She/ It DI-unt!!! says:

    I recomember screens with orunj text.
    Do I win anything on Wheel of Fortune, for that?????
    Will Vanna White be knock, knock knockin’ on mah back doah????

  49. Dear NTMTOM,
    Were you a smart-mouthed kid growing up, by any chance? Just wondering!! Thanks for the chuckle!

  50. I am willing to bet he drove his teachers to drink. ;) But at least they were laughing all the way! :lol:

  51. Typical caddish behavior from this chinch: love ’em and sleeve ’em.

  52. *ZING!*
    The Oak strikes again

  53. O NO He/ She/ It DI-unt!!! says:

    “zing! zing! zing!” went the Oakley…
    “zing! zing! zing!” went the train…

  54. Our ratties love to climb into robe sleeves :)

  55. Ratties love to climb into EVERYTHING! (Especially if it’s clothes. And it’s cold out. And you’re warm…)
    Aaah, rats! : ^)

  56. XYZZY

  57. PLUGH ! PLOVER !

  58. d’oh, 8O should’ve figured somebody else would go for the Classic Adventure trump card before me. Damn.

  59. Chilla uses Floof…

  60. OMG I used to play that game (sans Chinchilla, though)

  61. The mage with the scrage has the brew that is true.
    As for all this get passed level something, I have little idea, what you all are talking about.
    Bring back the abacus, I say :)

  62. The flagon with the dragon has the pellet that is poison, but the vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true!

  63. BUT WAIT, they’ve broken the vessel with the pestle and replaced it with the challice with the palace!

    Get it? Got it! Good!

    My serious dad laughed til he cried at this movie!

  64. Martha in Washington says:

    I <3 Danny Kaye!

  65. Word!

  66. O NO He/ She/ It DI-unt!!! says:


    (By the way, I’m glad you didn’t go for the Slide Ruler. An abacus is much more enjoyable….The beads make clickety-clack noises, & everything!!!! :) )

  67. Everything is more fun with clickety-clack noises!

  68. O No He/ She/ It Di-unt!!! says:

    (my mind is wandering off,
    into PG-13 and R areas, now……) ;)

  69. ABACUS! ABACUS! This of course is the famous line from the straight to video sequel to Dog Day Afternoon. What, youse guys don’t remember Chincilla Evening Addition?! ;-)

  70. No, no! “Abacus” was the lawyer in the classic “Chinchilla Mockingbird.” :mrgreen:

  71. That movie had to be more interesting than the Gregory Peck version…..

  72. O NO He/ She/ It DI-unt!!! says:

    (heh. heh.
    Ackshually, both references, *DID* roll through my stream’o’conscious, as I typed in the above)

  73. I hardly recognized the Chinchilla in those horn-rimmed glasses!

  74. Gigi (the original one) says:

    Abacus and slide rulers are things I could never figure out how to use.
    Pythagoras I am not!

  75. HG, let’s go find a quiet corner and play with our abacus until the others are finished jabbering on about this gaming nonsense.

  76. bookmonstercats says:

    I have never played one of these games, but if there’s a chinchilla (or even a rattie) involved, I could be persuaded to abandon my abacus try. I am, however, highly rubbish.

  77. cyberpunkrocker says:

    You are in a maze of twisty little discussion threads, all alike


  79. WIN


  81. oh yeah.

  82. epic-y awesomeness

  83. O NO He/ She/ It DI-unt!!!! says:

    but…..WHY CAN’T I kill a with a Mage with a banana?

    (……not that I have a clue, what a “Mage” is ….altho’ I’m inferring that it is an element of a video game-ish thinggie …..)

  84. Why couldn’t you peel the banana, drop the peel on the floor, and wait for the mage to slip on it and kill himself?

    Just saying…

  85. O No He/ She/ It Di-unt!!! says:

    I LIKE that solution!!!!

    Low-Tech ALL THA WAY, baybee!!! :)

  86. Haven’t you seen the Mythbusters episode where they tested this very same theory? I mean, without mages, but still. Myth busted (along with Adam’s ass, repeatedly).

  87. But that’s the real world! The laws of physics are different in other universes (no matter what Scotty says).

    Aren’t they???

  88. Don’t be the blackfly in my Chardonnay.

  89. In the Infocom game version of the Hitchhiker’s Guide universe, absolutely yes.

    (once my HGttG text-adventure comment escapes moderation — oh the irony! — that will be my final word on this matter)

  90. theo! you know “irony” is one of those words! minus 100 hit points for you!

  91. O NO He/ She/ It DI-unt!!! says:

    @ BB/VA:

    The ONLY thing that Scottie EVER says
    (with the exception of one ” Alien Babe pickup line” ) was
    “She jist cyan’t tek it Cep’n”

    Such a whiner. Jeez.

  92. @O NO – Scotty does have another line
    – “Ye canna change the laws of physics.”

  93. O NO He/ She/ It DI-unt!!! says:

    @ BB/VA:

    I sit, correctly corrected. I remain steadfast, however, that, for a MILITARY man,

    he’s ….a …..
    (does she dare to say it? SHE DOES) ………
    wussy whiner.

  94. @ O NO: careful with the blasphemy, there! Scotty kept the Enterprise together with spit, bailing wire and duct tape! Miracle workers are entitled–nay, expected— to whine a bit!

  95. I’m sorry, if they didn’t blow anything up, I don’t consider the myth busted. :P

  96. Fair-weather fan. :P Nyahhh.

  97. If you freeze the banana first, it could work!

  98. OK now you’re scaring me. Just a little.

  99. As usual, I’m amazined by you Mike. Even down to your choice of retro-ascii fonts.

    I hope you do some published writing at some point. You have a good voice for pulling in the reader.

  100. bookmonstercats says:

    I have long suspected that NOMTOM is a published writer, but I’m danged if I can work out how to track down which one he is (the clue might be in the name of course, but there’s a lot of Mikes about).

  101. I’m thinking for some reason that Mike’s a journalist/blogger at CNN. I have no idea why that’s stuck in my head.

  102. recent studies have proved that effective treatment is available for that.

  103. O No He/ She/ It Di-unt!!! says:


  104. O No He/ She/ It Di-unt!!! says:

    @ bookmonstercats:

    …..THOSE Mikes are, of course, THE OTHER Mikes,
    to whose identities his screenname refers ….. :)

  105. bookmonstercats says:

    Of course, O NO. *Slaps own head upside*

    Fiendishly clever, ain’t he, throwing me off the track like that?

  106. O NO He/ She/ It DI-unt!!! says:

    He had it all schemed out, that way, weeks ago!!!

  107. Of course he’s published. This is a BLOG, and this isn’t even counting the calendars. (Oooh, technically I suppose that makes ME a published writer!) :D

  108. Not That Mike The Other Mike says:

    Hi Theo!

    I’m a blogger. I can be considered an author in the same way that the french-fry cook at McDonalds may be considered a chef. ;)

  109. Your avatar belies your faint protestations of modesty. :P

  110. (also, fries are YUMMY)

  111. And keeling with the cuteness? I wonder if they could use that in “the grid?” Or would they de-age the chin by 30+ years?

  112. ok, back to the chin… >beep!< and look at them leetle toes peeking out!

  113. I have never posted here before, but I am compelled to today due to the awesomeness of this post. NTMTOM, you are The Man.

  114. I smell a Wumpus!

  115. An exploding one?

  116. Have you tried offering the chinchilla the banana, and kill the mage while the chinch is nomming?

  117. bookmonstercats says:

    You’re evil, @corianne. Pure evil.

    I like it (rubs hands).

  118. Corianne got game.

  119. Oh man! I loved those text-based games from the 80s! And those text-graphics games from the 90s (Space Quest, Police Quest, King’s Quest).

    The great thing about playing them now is that with the Internet at your fingertips, you can always find the cheats/secrets/solutions. To defeat the Level 12 Mage, type “squee”, then “nosicle”, then “floof”. Bingo – you can now advance!

  120. King’s Quest & Hero’s Quest! ahh, the memories….

  121. Snicker ..Jim… just out and out snicker!!!!

  122. >hug the chin

    I don’t understand

    >hug chin

    I don’t see that here

    >hug chinchilla

    I don’t understand

    >snorgle chinchilla

    I don’t understand

    >kill computer game

    That’s not very nice…

  123. >SQUEE

    The room begins reverberating with your perfectly-pitched exclamation of unbridled glee and excitement. The Mage begins hopping up and down, echoing your cry and pressing his hands to his bosum (um…?) which, in turn, dislodges the Chinchilla, who scampers away. Dismayed, the Mage scurries off in pursuit of his beloved familiar.

    The way is clear.

  124. (from the Meretzky walkthrough, page 21, second header)

  125. Saint Stryfe says:

    An enhancement shaman can beat a mage, no problem. Shear is sheep, elemental resistance to lessen damage, pop ghost wolves, hope for a big WF Crit, and if the fight goes long enough, a 5 stack Lava Lash.

  126. chinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

    (go on, say this out loud at work and see what looks you garner)

  127. Actually, I think that should be “cheeeeeeeeeeennnnnnn— CHEEE- laaaaaaaaaaahhh.”

  128. true dat

  129. WOW! i thought i heard something like a siren around 10:58 this morning!

  130. Wasn’t “make like a sireen” in ‘Top Cat’

  131. (also I like how the very au courant gray nail polish and white robe match the chin’s own colour palette…)

  132. There is a lot of nerdery going on in this post.

  133. Nerdery is not only not a word, but is sexy to the nth degree! -is turned on-

  134. oh HELL yes. :D

  135. I do own a bright orange button that says “NERD PRIDE”.

    It is a prized possession.

  136. No doubt some of that debris clinging to Our Heroes when they emerged from the compactor were grounds from the Special Blend…

  137. Hmm, ground in the trash compactor on the detention level, maybe?

  138. Martha in Washington says:

    Thanks for nothin’ here Theresa. I just spent too much money on Christmas presents on that site. I think you owe me some money. :)

  139. Dearest NTMTOM,
    I just watned to proclaim my deepest appreciation for this entire post… The memories of those crazy test games of yesteryear.

    and the reminder of our dear Templeton who though not a chin(she was a white and black hodded rattie) spent a huge portion of her life happily ensconed in my daughters sleeve… peeking out at the world in happy rattie bliss. She is missed to this day.

  140. O No He/ She/ It Di-unt!!! says:

    esteemed condolences to you.

    Excellent nameage there. Literary et al. :)

  141. LOL My daughter named her, she was in second grade.. we had been reading “Charottes Web” as a bed time story about that time.. She was the best Rattie ever, ( the rat… not my daughter).. though when daughter was a teenager she did act ratty! fortunately we all grow up. :)

  142. ooops text games not test games Sheesh!

  143. It is pitch black here.
    I am likely to be eaten by a grue.

  144. > light lamp

  145. ROTFLMAO!

  146. Indeed, remembering to simply light the lamp is one of those Rules Of Thumb For Life’s Mysteries And Obstacles. Good call.

  147. Tiamat sees you. You were breathed on for 74538596746584595 damage. You die.
    All this Zorkery (or is it dorkery?) is making me have Angband flashbacks!

    That is one evil rodent! Cute, but EVIL. XD

  148. I think that at least 75% of my (very limited number of) posts are in praise of NTMTOM’s awesomeness. Hear hear!!!

  149. And THANK YOU for not spelling it “Here! Here!” like @%!$#%$ everybody does.

  150. That one’s right up there with “brake up” instead of “break up”. [ggggrrrrrr] Don’t people know the difference? [/rant]

  151. Seconded, because you could have (not ‘could of’) easily made the mistake.

    /threadjack off

  152. warrior rabbit says:

    Thank you all for caring about grammar, peeps. The ‘could of’ kills me. So do ‘per say’ and ‘phased’ (when they mean ‘fazed’). See them both a lot, sadly.

  153. I absolutely hate when people say they will “reign in” something or other…REIN IN. LIKE REINS THAT YOU PULL ON. GAH.

    ok I’m done. :)

  154. Long live the Queen! May she reign in might and majesty for the prosperity of the empire, for the rest of her days. ;)

  155. oaklandcat says:

    My pet peeve is “peak” when they mean “peek!”

  156. throws out Alot which should be “a lot”!

    another confusingly confused word.

  157. 5^^now8ing says:
  158. Nice! Luvvit alot!

  159. “a cross between a bear, a yak and a pug”

    thanks for the reminder. that blog rocks.

  160. O NO He/ She/ It DI-unt!!! says:

    heh heh. Theo said the “alot” thinggie, wrong, after seeing the Thesis Blog about using it correctly. (giggle)

  161. And I love how she’s added the Alot to her banner along with her two psychotic dogs. :mrgreen:

  162. O No He/ She/ It Di-unt!!! says:

    There “ain’t” no such word as “alot”. There is, however, a phrase “a” “lot”…..Generally some of the same peeps who do “their”/ “there”/ “they’re” bit …..do the others…

  163. / threadjack back on

    I too hate it when people don’t know their (not there or they’re) grammar.

  164. I’m glad I’m not the only person who gets hives just thinking about the mauling of the English language! (British or American….)

  165. Yes, your so write. When you think about the English language and it’s wonderful complexity, its hard not to feel that way.

    Kidding! :-)

  166. ONHSID, that was you? I thought it was Elvis!! 8O

  167. O NO He/ She/ It DI-unt!!! says:

    @ bookmonstercat:

    The item topping my list of KILL EVERYONE WHO DOES THIS?

    using the term “pop” as a VERB.
    I’ve shot out six televisions recently, for this infraction, alone.

  168. bookmonstercats says:

    My latest pet hate! “Bored of….”

    Has it crept in just over here in England? Even quite respectable journalists are using it.

    Is it just me? I would clutch my pearls in horror, but the Hon Glad has cornered the franchise on that one.

  169. i’m a little surprised that “pet hate” didn’t land you in the moderation bog.

  170. this entire thread is mute

  171. LOL for those curious MOOT! not Mute.


  172. O NO He/ She/ It DI-unt!!! says:


  173. Mary (the first) says:

    I don’t understand most of what y’all are talking about except what I can get from context but it’s been fun trying to translate! And I had no idea chinchillas were so large. It’s quite stunning!

  174. that’s the funniest part. most of the comments thus far have absolutely zilch to do with chinchillas.

    did someone mention pan galactic gargle blasters? no? i’ll take three.

  175. Life? Don’t talk to ME about life…

  176. Marvin the Paranoid Android FTW!

  177. loathe it or ignore it, you can’t like it.

  178. Here I am, brain the size of a planet…

  179. and yet… hope springs eternal for signs of life. :D





  180. Ah yes, the long-storied drink that’s like getting your brain smashed by a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick.

  181. that’s it! i can never remember what’s in those things. next time i’ll write it down BEFORE i pass out. what was it again?

  182. Something about Santraginian seawater… and a sunset? Now I’m getting foggy.

  183. why bother? we’ve entered the long dark teatime of the soul.

  184. (The Original) Mel says:

    At this point I decided that this is my ALL TIME FAVORITE POST.

  185. O No He/ She/ It Di-unt!!! says:

    and that would be a *GOOD* thing??????

  186. Clearly, you’ve never tried one.

  187. You can always play it for yourself. 8)

  188. Hehehehe! Starts plotting free time!

  189. Zork won’t run on my box.. o__o

  190. What about your computer?

  191. Zorksnerk!

  192. *snerk* x2

  193. *snerk*

  194. *ZNERK*

  195. lol, love the commentary on this one. :D

  196. OMG, this was the most awesomest dork post ever. I love you Cute Overload!

  197. Meriweather says:

    Obviously you
    The mage is appeased. The chinchilla approaches you.


  198. Ooh, new strategy! I’ve never tried this one.

  199. Nomtom, I distinctly recall that cavern and that level 12 Mage. I also always failed and could never get to the chalice.
    That +5 Chinchilla of Fluffiness is a real killer.

  200. d’awwww, my ratties do the same thing! Small critters love cozy sleeves <3

    I'll take a chinch over a grue any day…

  201. funniest post lead in – EVER.

  202. i would agree but i have absolutely NO idea what it’s referring to. nope, no way. not a clue. i was in paris at the time. modeling. and flying jets. i was doing big, BIG things.

  203. Wait, that was YOU?? 8O :D

  204. uh-YUP

  205. Bottle Green says:

    Nomtom, you are awesome.

  206. LOVE IT! (Although I kept hearing Tom Hanks saying “melt wizard” in my head.)

  207. Ahahaha!!!! Me too… I love that movie!

  208. Great, great, great post — too awesome!! As Wallace Shawn would say, “INCONCEIVABLE!”

  209. “You keep on using that word.”

    (Sorry; couldn’t resist!)

  210. > eat banana

  211. NOM NOM NOM

    You have eaten the banana. It was just on the edge of not-quite-ripe and slice-it-onto-cornflakes, which is your favorite. You feel marginally more refreshed and fortified.

  212. Queen of Dork says:

    Wow! I so remember playing a game like this a long time ago, back in the days of floppy discs and computers that had green writing. Windows hadn’t been invented yet. At least not the software kind. (Structures did have the kind of windows that are an actual square hole cut into a wall and fitted with glass). I think it was called Zork but I’m not sure. But it was quite fun and I even had a map at some point to try to get to different areas. :)

  213. 5^^now8ing says:

    Oh, yes, QoD! Zork it was! It seems there’s considerable crossover between former Zork players and CO fans. As I remember, my map of Zork II included my lovely sketch of the dragon. Oh, and hi!

  214. Queen of Dork says:

    Hi back at you, 5! You had map too! AND you did a sketch? I really want to play that game again! It was so fun.

  215. Scroll up. The game is downloadable and free, now.

  216. @Theresa: we chased rabbits in the back of the house…..

  217. I learned my multiplication tables from a piece of dead tree.

  218. Awww, we lived in a cave and ate dead bats that fell off the ceiling. :mrgreen:

  219. O NO He/ She/ It DI-unt!!! says:

    @ janet2buns:

    I gotcha beat. We used sticks in the dirt to do our bills, when I was a kid.

  220. I was, too. My first home computer was an HP with a 40MB hard drive.

    MB…can that be possible? Anyway, it was the biggest hard drive available and I was so proud of myself for going “top of the line”!

  221. janet2buns says:

    I’m so old, the computer I learned my multiplication times tables was a teletype machine. No screen. Not even any floppy disks. I was an adult by the time I got my computer with the green writing.

  222. O NO He/ She/ It DI-unt!!! says:

    @ Theresa; a CAVE???? You mean, you had both walls AND a floor????????


  223. *HAW!*

  224. MAN ! I’m TOTALLY exhausted from laughing so hard I can’t believe I have the strength to type !

  225. Flood Control Dam #3 always pwned my butt!!

  226. Never did play this “Zork” game thingy, but the first paragraph took me back to my D&D days.

  227. warrior rabbit says:

    We had a Kaypro (!) and a game called Leisure Suit Larry… Anyone else recall that one?!

    This thread has really been amusing… ahhh, nostalgia.

  228. arachnophile says:

    I just needed to let you know that you filled this Cute-Addicted-Mega-Nerd with so much joy with this post.

    I love you guys. ;) What would I do without computer games and CuteOverload?

  229. /geek
    Oooh, oooh! I AM a mage! Look me up baby, I’m that sexi undead mage from Shattered Halls. I am roxxor!

    Ok, ok, I’m good. Just had to release my inner geekiness a bit. What’s funny is I also have a chinchilla named Chilli MacLeod AND a robe! It’s not white, but stiiiill, freeeeaky.

  230. Well done, NTMTOM, well done indeed. *applauds*

  231. OMG, NTMTOM! I used to play those text-only computer games! They were so funny, so imaginative, so well done! I remember one involving a pirate treasure on an island . . . .
    ********I am ded from teh nostaligas********

  232. after reading all these great descriptions, i realized that i did play this game. i didn’t remember the name “zork,” though. i gave up after the candle bit, so i remember D&D and myst better. i love that so many of you are such internet vets!

  233. I see there are more nerds out thar than chinchilla lovers. :)

    Nerdlingers aside, I was still so excited to see a chinchilla post! They are so neat and weird (hands and feeties mostly) and neat. I love my little LunaBella – she rocks socks. But of course, so do nerds. :)

  234. animal + Zork dorkery >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> animal + boobs

    more nerd posts pleeeeeeze thnx.

  235. Wait, what?

  236. > kill mage
    What do you want to kill the Mage with?

    > banana
    You cannot kill the Mage with the banana.

    I still haven’t got over this yet….

  237. BatBlaster says:

    I’m sorry, but I believe you took the wrong approach to this game. You need to invest all your points in leveling up your adorableness resistance, as that is the main element used in Cute Overload: The Game. Next time, you have to do that so you can talk to the mage about its chinchilla. Then he’ll lead you to the cave level. Try to keep the light low in this segment though, as bright light startles the animals there. The bats are much higher fluffiness level, and seeing them will kill you unless you close your eyes immediately. Not to mention the owls in the next forest stage…

  238. I think I’ve got a bug in my game because I’m still walking around with a Cute Overload Calendar in my knapsack. I thought I’d already wielded that against the kinky koala but the calendar’s still there. Do you think it will still work against the chinchilla, bats and owls, or do you suggest I restart? :-)

  239. O NO He/ She/ It DI-unt!!! says:

    YET ANOTHER great name for a rock band, name developed on Cute Overload webpage: “The Kinky Koalas”

    (I’m visualizing a few tambourines….)
    (Royalties owed to Balthesia….)

  240. BatBlaster says:

    Pretty sure that item is not destroyed upon use so go ahead.

  241. Damn, I just rolled for initiative out of habit.

  242. 5^^now8ing says:

    I have fallen in love with CO and its peeps all over again! So happy…swoon…

  243. Zork me, I’m done in!

  244. Mary (the tall) says:

    > i
    You have a lantern, a banana, a screwdriver, a bag of coins, and a Nerd badge.
    > show badge to Mage
    The Mage bows his head and places chinchilla in your hands. He apologizes profusely and takes the banana from you. He disappears in a puff of smoke.

    *puts away Nerd badge*
    Actually, Zork was just the first. They had Zork 2, and Zork 3, and Zork Zero, and Beyond Zork….
    *notices people starting to sneak away*
    And Return to Zork, and Zork Nemesis, and Zork Grand Inquisitor…
    *looks around nervously*
    Hey…where are you going? Wait! I got the chinchilla!

  245. Queen of Dork says:

    Hahahahahaha, Mary (The Tall)! That was awesome. I need to get my Nerd Badge re-laminated.

  246. 5^^now8ing says:

    Ditto what QoD said! My very favorite was Zork II, ’cause it’s the first one we ever played. But yeah, we played ’em all.

  247. …and I got the babel fish”.

  248. adorable picture + dork (rhymes with Zork!) reference = truly adorkable!!!

  249. woomeggiemoo says:

    Holy cow… I never in a gazillion years thought I’d run into anyone else in the whole world that had played the “Hitchhikers” game…. let alone also got their house bulldozed or had trouble with that $*%& babel fish.

    So, um… did anyone else out there have a TRS-80? Where the programs came on tapes that went into a tape recorder hooked up to the computer…? No?

    Well, then I guess you never played the text-based “Eliza”, the psychotherapist…? She’d say things like “And how does that make you feel?”, and “Tell me about your childhood.” and reprimand you for swearing. Now that I think about it, I’m pretty sure my early exposure to that “game” could explain a LOT.

  250. I, too, knew Eliza. There is a quasi-AI exhibit at the Walker Art Center (in Minneapolis) called the Oracle which is an animated CGI dolphin, with attached Mac keyboard. You type in questions, the dolphin answers. I once asked aforementioned dolphin if s/he knew Eliza, and of COURSE the virtual oracular ocean mammal came back with “Eliza is awesome.”

    I’m guessing mine was a relatively common question among seekers of a certain age. ;)

  251. No TRS-80 but we did have an Apple II+ with tape drive.

    Yes, I did play “Eliza”. Boy, was she annoying!

  252. > tell me more.

  253. This. Is. Awesome.


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