Punchlines Only Dogs Get

“Then the rabbi says, ‘Well, if you’re really an ostrich, sell me some life insurance!’”

“If I could walk that way, I’d have enough mangoes to open my own bowling alley!”

“Three: One to screw in the light bulb, and two to sprinkle cornstarch on the floors and windowsills, then hide in the dishwasher and wait for the gnomes.”

Buddy Bulldog at 3 months, taken by his mom, Liz M.

Comments

  1. 260Oakley says:

    LMGO (Laughing My Grass Off)

  2. 260Oakley says:

    On a related note, Puppeh is obviously high on laughing grass.

  3. more baby teefs!
    and beep!
    and look at the pink toebeans!

    ~that is all.~

  4. I can’t believe CO would condone such grass humor. :roll:

  5. Holy smolies!! That is FUNNAY FUNNAY FUNNAYE!!!

    You just kilt me NTMOM!

  6. Puppeh is dreaming of crowd turfing.

  7. BTW: What a great b’day present!

    Thanks NTMOM for killin’ meh on my b’day!

  8. OMG!! I just typoed you! NTM… T… OM!!!

  9. guhhh the wee teefers are KEELING MEH

  10. Shelley:
    ♪♫ It’s my party, and I’ll die if I want to…Die if I want to. ♫♪

  11. I want to do some serious snugglin with that one (i promise i’ll let you tell me all the jokes you want, I’ll even laugh)

  12. NTMTOM–I really, really, really wonder about you sometimes.

  13. An oxymoron and your the moron heh heh heh.

    A perfect picture to start the weekend :)

  14. What a happy dog!
    And… This weekend my best friend is getting a new puppy. The original plan was, because her SO has to work all day, I was going to take the drive with her to get it. Then SO got off of work. They called me and said, “We know you’d want to come and see the puppy anyway!” So… I get to go help get the puppy! Yay!

  15. Look at the little grass clippings on his belleh!!

  16. Goofy giggler, good gracious!

    Giant nomable toebeans…

  17. This is Rolf Doggerfield the worst doggy comedian in the world:

    What goes tick-tock, woof-woof?
    — a watchdog!
    Get it? A “watch” dog! Ha! Ha! Ha! I kill myself!

  18. Emma Wallace says:

    I am in awe of how that joke came together.
    *bows down*

  19. My guess is that NTMTOM has been waiting to roll those one-liners out for a lawn, lawn time.

  20. O NO He/She/It DI-unt!!! says:

    Happy birthday to Shelleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey
    Happy birthday to Shelleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey

    happy biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirthday dear Shelley
    Happy birthday to you

    or, alternatively; “two ewes”; or alternatively alternatively
    (in honor of her Majesty the Queen of Dork who LOVES this one)
    “Two YUTES”!!!!

    also: YAY Jimbeaux & puppehs !!!

    Do Tell all about the selection of the person BY THE PUPPEH of course!!!!

  21. @Shelley – Happy Birthday, and may you survive to see many more CO posts!

  22. S.J. Hartsfield says:

    That belly needs to be rubbed. By me. NAOW.

  23. 260Oakley: I have added “laughing grass” to my mental lexicon in indelible ink :D

    Puppeh’s having so much fun with his jokes, you can’t help but laugh along, even if you have no idea what he’s on about.

  24. Now that we have the punchlines, I really want the set-ups.

  25. He’s truly ROFLing

  26. Ohhhh… Decisions, decisions….kees the toe beans or snorgle the belleh? Ooooh, what about scritching behind the ears? Think I’d get keeses from Buddy for scritches?!? Ok then…must build giant camera a la Willy Wonka to transmit self to Buddy! :-). Anyone know of available Oompa Loompas looking for work? ;-)

  27. @O NO- Actually, they went up two weeks ago, a six-hour drive, to look at the litter of pups and pick one out. He’s absolutely adorable (I got to see photos) and apparently was the one who figured out that if you hide the fetch-item somewhere, the humans have to look for it, thus getting more involved in the game. :)

  28. NTMTOM and Oakley, I’m just speachless. English is my second language, I love learnig it and about it, and i have been visiting CO everyday for a few moths now, both to admire the overloads of cuteness and to enjoy the way YOU enjoy English. Seriously, you two should write some “Advanced English Pun” for foreign English-learners!
    And Shelley: Happy Birthday! It’s my son’s B’day too:)

  29. SoCratesX53 says:

    How I wish they made scritch-n-sniff monitors…PUPPEH Breath!!

    Those toe beans are begging to be nibbled on…nom…nom…nom…

    I shall now pass out from all the puppeh breath in the air…

  30. TOE BEANS!

  31. O NO He/She/IT DI-unt!!! says:

    @ Jimbeaux: isn’t that what we humans are THERE for????? :)

  32. Wow, this was giving me a bit of vertigo (imagining Liz bending over and taking the picture through her legs :) ). Once I grabbed the picture and flipped it 180 degrees, I felt better. Whew!

    Just want to rub that belleh!!! Happy doggie!

  33. @ Jimbeaux – I think we should all get to come with your friend to help get the puppy. I think that is the right thing for us to do.

  34. I’m developing a complex – it seems like everything I post gets sent to Awaiting-Moderation-Purgatory. I think my name is somehow on a black list here. Do I really say such potentially scandalous or mean-spirited things all the time to warrant the constancy of CO’s moderation?

  35. :shock: Maybe the word “birdcage” is on the black list!

  36. Y’all and your puns — awesome fun, all of this, and the puppy is SO CUTE!

    S

  37. @birdcage

    >>I think my name is somehow on a black list here.

    nope. it might be your IP address. you’re not being singled out, though.

  38. That’s MY boy, he now weighs 60lbs. but he still laughs like that! I luv him!!!
    I’m glad you all like him, he’s awesome.
    Buddy’s Mom, Liz

  39. All I hear is SNOORT SNORT SNORT! bleen

  40. Liz, he’s so adorable. There have been some great bulldog posts on here lately. Sigh. I want one so bad!!!

  41. Trabb's Boy says:

    Oh, Liz, you lucky, lucky thing!

  42. skippymom says:

    And when the nun pulled the asparagus out of her ear, the blimp landed on the orangutan!

  43. O NO He/She/It DI-unt!!! says:

    ….skippymom: see, now THAT’s why you’re STILL my hero!!

    –swoons–

  44. skippymom says:

    O NO, I actually composed that with you in mind. True story.

  45. Okay, how much time has everyone else spent trying to come up with jokes to fit the punchlines? :D

  46. skippymom says:

    AuntieBellum, I thought you were in charge of that.

  47. OMG!1!!!!1!!11!

    This has to be the best b’day….

    EVAR, EVAR, EVARRRRR!!!1!!!!1!!11!!!!

  48. 260Oakley says:

    @Joasia
    As someone whose language skills are limited to being able to order a beer in three countries, I’m very impressed with your ability to appreciate puns in a second language.

    and a happy b-day to your son!

  49. The hovertext put me over the edge, spilling me into the weekend with a huge guffaw. I am no longer able to fulfill my duties as assigned and might just as well head home now. Thanks, NOMTOM! I needed that!

    Happy Friday to all out there in CuteOverloadLand!

  50. Good humor :D

  51. Wait a minute 260Oakley — I’m the original b’day-er here. What about ME!

    Don’t go ruinin’ my “all about me” getting “kilt” all over the place day…

    =?)

  52. …and order me a beer in 3 languages while yer at it 253Oakley!

    ;^)

  53. I mean… 260Oakley.

    253Oakley is someone else.

    HA! I just “kilt” myself!!

  54. emmberrann says:

    Not just toebeans, PEEENK toebeans!

  55. Har har!

  56. 260Oakley says:

    @Shelley
    I’d order you a beer, but methinks you may have had a few already ;)

    P.S. The 253Oakley is an older version of the Pun-o-Matic, the kind you had to feed with punnch cards.

  57. O NO He/She/It DI-unt!!!! says:

    @ 2600akleynot253Oakley:

    I only know the spanish = “cerveza”.

    Signed,
    and I have the NOIVE, tuh call myself a Language Geek !!

  58. Golly, 249Oakley, I don’t think its the beer so much as all that cough syrup I drank this morning.

    AND … ahem… what else do you say 456Oakley????

  59. O NO He/She/It DI-unt!!!! says:

    @ skippymom:

    (*painfully red blushing*)

    D’AWWWWW!!!!!
    Estoy muy adulado profundamente!!!!

    Gracias Senora!!
    (still blushing)

  60. WHOA! Does anyone else see gremlin-like creatures in that red booted Piggy pic at the top of the page?

    That is the last time I mix Vicks VapoRub with Gin and Tonic!

  61. Queen of Dork says:

    Oh dear, I’m late to the party but HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHELLEY AND JOASIA’S SON!!! YAY! *throws confetti and streamers all over the place* :)

  62. Queen of Dork says:

    Shelley: Holy Crap! Yes! I totally see them. Wow. I’ve been looking at that picture all the time it’s been up there and never even noticed the gremlins until you just pointed them out! Whoa.

  63. O NO He/She/It DI-unt!!! says:

    wow Shelley: that doesn’t sound as tho’ it tastes too gud.

    The ONLY time that I ever even placed my TONGUE ON the top of a glass with gin in it, my whole system revolted immediament.

    Yuck & furthermore pTOOiey.

  64. I noticed things in the pig in boots pic too. Thought they were moths.

    You know, if NOMTOM’s jokes were at any higher frequency, then only dogs would hear them as well.

  65. @O NO — hence the Vicks VapoRub…

  66. @pyrit — so NTMTOM’s lead-ins are all there, we just can hear them?

    whoooaaaa…

  67. i mean canNT … hear them.

  68. GEEZ — I can’t believe 789Oakley left without saying Happy B’day to me…

    BAROOOO

  69. @shelley

    >>GEEZ — I can’t believe 789Oakley left without saying Happy B’day to me…

    all right folks, last call and then it’s no-tell motel time. i don’t care where you go but you just can’t stay here.

    (at least that’s the way i remembered the closing time lullabye.)

  70. What do you mean, “only dogs get them” … hmmmf!

  71. warrior rabbit says:

    @O NO Bier (German), birra (Italian), and, um…. brewski (Polish).

    Heh. No. Pivo (Czech).

    Mmmm, beer.

  72. I WANT ONE!!

  73. This picture has seriously made me feel better. I have a cold and feel like poop. But looking at this cute pup makes me HAPPY! :D

  74. Well, what should I say?

  75. O NO He/She/It DI-unt!!! says:

    @ warrior rabbit: :) :) and furthermore :)

  76. holy carp! look at those teeniny needle-sharp baby teef!

  77. flutterby says:

    I’m askeert!! I am getting all the jokes…even the ones only goggies are supposed get…woof, grrr, bark …

  78. grass on the tum. GRASS. ON THE TUM.

  79. luvstehQte says:

    @theresa–

    thanks for the earworm! actually, gretchen wilson is from my hometown, and i still remember her singing “the wonderful thing about tiggers” (in a tigger costume, no less) for the junior high variety show (circa Fall 1985). now that was Qte!

  80. I’ve tried to think of a clever line, but I don’t think I’m high enough for it to be worthy of this pic….

  81. Well, victoreia, obviously you’ll just have to work on getting more high. Snap to it!

  82. “STOP IT! STOP IT! You’re killing me!”

  83. Look Mom my hands are all clean!

  84. I’m beginning to think that you need some help, NTMTOM! Still very funny, though! :D

  85. I can’t see the gremlins in the piggy pic. :(

  86. Puppy Bref!

  87. rubber duck says:

    Upside Down Dogs!