The Critic Casts a Withering Gaze

“Hmph. Your flaccid dialog has all the wit and suspense of an infomercial, your alleged characters are two-dimensional cutouts wandering soullessly through explosions, car chases, and fart jokes, and your criminally inept direction is as elegant and purposeful as a three-legged hippopotamus having a heart attack.

“Oh, and congratulations on your record-breaking opening weekend.”

More hipster puppehs here. Another quality foraged link by ANT!

Comments

  1. LOL! Yes Yes that has to be his voice!

  2. Hover FTW! I already snorted out my tea reading the intro, then read back in TC voice and was DED. Snarky puppulence…too much…

  3. “Oh, and by the way, I’m taking lunch with Jim Cameron about his new movie….. So expect me when you see me. Love ya, hon.”

  4. BTW, NTMTOM, yew rawwwk.

  5. And versace, nonetheless! Hold my calls! And where’s my venti extra-hot, non-fat soy latte???? You’re fired.

  6. I like how the earpieces on the glasses are UNDER his ears. LOL

  7. So that’s what Lionel Twain looked like!

  8. Red Hamster says:

    I didn’t even see the voice advice in the mouse-over, but I just knew it was Truman Capote. I miss TC. Great job, NTMTOM. Thanks.

  9. O NO He/She/It DI-unt!!! says:

    so, NTM, don’t hold back now. Tell us,
    how you REALLY feel about the Hollywood Film Industry!!!!! :)

    (and the pup is a WONDERFUL T. Capote)

  10. Don’t call us, we’ll call you. Love you, babes. Mwah!

    –bossgripes.com

  11. Obviously, he writes for the New Yorker magazine.

    And yes, Truman Capote. Brilliant writer, part of the inspiration for “To Kill a Mockingbird,” blah blah blah.

    To me he’ll always be Lionel Twain.

    “IT! IT is confusing! Say your goddamn pronouns!”

  12. Oh, and I love how pup’s got those glasses perched on his non-bridge of a nose. As someone who desparately needs nose-pads even with sunglasses, I have to laugh at how low they’re perched.

  13. I give two thumbs… ah, wait. Damn.

  14. @260, Two dewclaws, perhaps? :mrgreen:

  15. O NO He/She/It DI-unt!!! says:

    ps @ gigi: Nice graphic cherce there !!!

  16. @Emmberrann:

    “So I was talking to Jim and he had the nerve to tell me ‘I blame it on Walt Disney, where animals are given human qualities. People don’t understand that a wild animal is not something that is nice to pat. It can seriously harm you.’ FTW, Jim? You do know I’M a dog, right?… He didn’t get it.”

  17. DARLING! Marvelous to see you. (air kisses) How are you, such a long time… Is that Egyptian cotton? Marvelous. Lunch at Stefan’s dahling, I insist. Not Le Oui again. Feh! Don’t make me beg. I’m very busy. Oh, you push too hard. I accept! Fabulous!

  18. Your leading Lady has less talent than Sarah Bernhardt’s left leg. (It was wooden)
    Your script, did it come off a cereal packet?
    Your direction, you couldn’t direct traffic.

  19. O NO He/She/It DI-unt!!! says:

    :) @ BOTH pyrit & HG!! :)

  20. @260 – Both ears up, maybe?

  21. byyyyyeeeeeeeee, miss you already…

    he was a dagu genuis,,,,

  22. Make sure to check out the Hipster Puppies link. hilarity.

  23. Hmmmm, I guess I’m not that knowledgeable about TC. I was thinking more Randy Jackson on American Idol–

    “Dawg, I’m just not feeling it tonight. A little pitchy…”

  24. (indignant sniff) Criticise! You carp more than a goldfish. You make as much sense as a Star Wars prequel. Jack Black in the buff has more style than you. And sense of humour? You would laugh at Gandhi slipping on a banana peel.

  25. O NO He/She/It DI-unt!!! says:

    @ pyrit:

    I can’t locate the background for it presently,
    due to Computers Behaving Badly…but….

    “He has Van Gogh’s ear for music”!!! :)

  26. Wasn’t grokking this, until I imagined Twuman in his white fedora saying it to Michael Bay, Spielberg and Atom Egoyan: then
    ahhhhhhhhhh.

  27. “Oh pffff. Everypuggy’s a critic.”

  28. DEAL WIT IT.

  29. fatgrammafinn says:

    i dunno, i see more norman mailer than TC. that whole NM meets larry schiller

  30. bookmonstercats says:

    I want the puggulence to feed back on my feeble playwriting efforts (in fact, I just want the puggulence, full stop).

    If he’s not available, and he probably won’t be, NOMTOM will do.

  31. Roger Epug?

  32. From Versace’s Canine Collection.

  33. Pugline Kael?

  34. ^ *snort!*

    (I really miss Kael’s passion and brilliance btw.)

  35. But of course you should read it in Turman Capote’s voice he is the spitting Image in attitude.

  36. It’s all too true! But much cuter than usual. :)

  37. Where’s everyone gone?

  38. To the movies. They have pupcorn.

  39. Pyrit – that’s puposterous.

  40. warrior rabbit says:

    Is that Fursace he’s wearing?

  41. @emmberrann

    MMMMWAH! MMMMWAH!

  42. If he was wearing a black Fedora, it would be just perfect!

  43. SharonK1973 says:

    Waddup dawg!!!! Its Randy Jackson from American Idol!

  44. “Fursace” LMAO!!

    Now that is cle-vah! ;D

  45. This has totally cured my Monday morning work grump!! :D

  46. Lewis n' Clark says:

    Actually, I think he looks like Billy Wilder directing Jack Lemmon and Tony Curtis in “Some Like it Hot” (or “Sunset Boulevard” or “Double Indemnity”); some of my all-time favorite movies.

  47. Totally reminds me of Mickey Rourke in his monologue in the Expendables. Or Ironman 2. Same crazy hair, scholarly glasses and intense look.

  48. Hey- I’m no Pug! I’m a Smooth Coated Brussels Griffon, or if you’re Europee’n, a Petit Brabacon.

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