Oh No — Platform Shoes Are Back?!

Sender-inner Alexandra R. asks: “Who doesn’t love a little extra glam! These are pictures from our family farm in New Jersey. Our horses love being pampered! My horse Cuda is in leopard print, gold and blue stars and the tiger stripe pattern is my sister’s horse Gabriel.”



  1. Some people have WAY too much time on their hands.

  2. warrior rabbit says:

    @Meaghan Isn’t that why we’re all here?

    Love the look — and it reminds me of those horses with hair extensions (and braids and cornrows) from a few years back.

  3. I hope the manicurist sterilizes her tools. You can pick up all kinds of nasty things in the nail salon. 😛

  4. PS I was gonna say “Stands to reason it’s New Jersey.” 😛

  5. warrior rabbit says:

    Ohmigod, NTMTOM, the URL for this post…. Ha ha ha ha ha!

  6. doomchild says:

    Horrible.. that’s all I can say. Not even nearly cute.

  7. @warrior rabbit, good catch! I nearly missed that.

  8. Well that’s original, never thought of doing such a thing to my horse!

  9. bookmonstercats says:

    I only know New Jersey from Janet Evanovitch’s Stephanie Plum novels but the first hovertext is right on the button, NOMTOM.

    My horsey friends assure me their dobbins love to be dressed up.

  10. HRHQueenCat says:

    horse couture *snerk*

  11. Queen of Dork says:

    The horse in that first picture looks like he/she must surely be singing, “Stepping out with my baby.”

  12. One of my friends paints glitter on her horse’s hooves and uses a whip that looks like a fairy wand for horse shows, lol.

  13. Hate to be killjoy, I just wonder if this is healthy for the horses’ hooves. I have no knowledge, I just vaguely recall hearing somewhere that it wasn’t healthy to paint hooves.

  14. I wouldn’t use an acrylic but something like tempura paint that washes off would be fine, NightOwl.

  15. Horses hooves are made of the exactly same material as human fingernails. They’re dead, and they don’t in any way leech material into the bloostream (like skin.) Perfectly safe! People have been painting gloss on horses hooves for a long, long time (although not in such a styling manner.

  16. 260Oakley says:

    Loving the hoofer text for these. And if someone wanted to give me a fancy peticure, I wouldn’t say neigh.

  17. 260Oakley: *bows*, as usual.
    NOMTOM: The URL? Genius.
    To those nuffs who say painting hooves is inhumane or bad for the horse, I have seen enough Animal Cops Houston to know that’s the LEAST of one’s worries.
    Letting a horse founder (letting the bone grow *through* the hoof/nail) or letting hooves get so overgrown a horse can’t walk? Cruelty.
    This? Not cruelty. Fun. Diverting, even. Cute and I’m sure the horses enjoy the attention and being doted on by their loving people. ( BTW–I’m not sure whether it’s good or bad to paint a horse’s hoof, I just know it’s like a REALLY big fingernail. It’s keratin, too. How much damage it would do to paint a hoof and not let it “breathe”, I’ll be the fist to admit I don’t know. To Google I go.)
    Perspective, ladies and gentlemen. It’s a beneficial thing. S’all I’m sayin’
    Here endeth the rant.

  18. P.S.–they actually *MAKE* paint for horses’ hooves and that may be what this stuff is. I’ve been reading up.

  19. Wow. Those are some fancy hooves!

  20. Funkygrl101 says:

    @NightOwl Painting a horse’s hoof is no different than us painting our fingernails….they’re made of the same stuff, so no worries 🙂

  21. AWESOME!

  22. Would love to see ‘go faster’ stripes’n’flames on a police horse’s hoofies . . .

  23. Horses are just big puppies. Dear, wonderful critters. They love the love. This is wonderful. How sweet to dote on ’em and make your big ani-pals feel fancy!

  24. Painting the horse’s hoof zebra will give it identity complex, no? 😀

  25. Andi from NC says:

    I think this is awesome – and I imagine if the horses didn’t like it their legs would never stay still enough to get a leopard print design on there 🙂

  26. niki smith says:

    I seriously don’t understand why, on such an awesome website, there literally ALWAYS must be a nuffer. Cute cat in the grass? Might have allergies or be hit by car. Rabbit eating a carrot? Don’t feed it too fast or it will DIE. etc etc. What the heck is wrong with you people? It’s like a herd of Eeyores. There should be an alternate cute overload where they can all go and complain constantly.

  27. I don’t think it looks pretty.

  28. O NO He/She/It DI-unt!!!! says:

    As soon as I saw the words “platform shoes” in the first five words of the title…I looked to confirm, and, sure enough, NTMTOM was the auteur!!!! and settled in for fun!!!

  29. 260Oakley FTW! “hoofer text” 😀 😀 😀

    Well, to paraphrase Tim Gunn, those horsies are making it work!!

  30. I’m flabbergasted at the patience it must take of these peps to paint intricate designs on the hoofs of those horses. I had a horse as child and he would never have stood for it!
    He was an escape artist and kept running to the neighbor to eat their apples!
    It took us a wile to figure out how he did it because the fence was to high for him to jump. Then one day I saw him back up to the fence and PUSH it down with his rear end. He then WALKED over the fence and then PUSHED IT BACK UP!!
    Never tell me they are just dumb animals LOL!

  31. Aye, that there be foal’s gold, yarrr.

    And, Oh. I am jealous, baby. So. Jealous!

  32. Oh those golden slippers
    Oh those golden slippers
    Golden slippers I’m gonna wear
    To walk the golden street.

  33. O NO He/She/It DI-unt!!!! says:

    oooh pyrit you BEAT 2600 to that one, I’m sure of it!!

    but we all know that 2600 probably has another 75 puns ready on any topic!!!
    So I won’t worry about him!!

    Anyway — I hope you have a fun weekend!!

  34. O NO – Everyone’s a winner. Fo’ realz.

    260’s a he?

    Funny, I had this image of a California chick! No idea why.

    And, I’ve said foals gold here before. But this time, it *REALLY* IS!!!

  35. Niki – comparing the site’s nuffers to Eeyore is an insult to the character… he wouldn’t be nearly that dismal! 😉

    But yes, I agree with you on the baffling array of negative readers out there that never fail to find something to whine about, whether a genuine concern or not… :p

  36. knittinkitten says:

    I think these horses look cute. I used to ride and I am amazed that they could get the horses to stand still for this. These ladies must love their mani pedi time!

  37. Venerable Bead says:

    Has anyone ever seen 260 AND NTMTOM in the same place TOGETHER? I’m just saying.

    Cool hooves though.

  38. For the first time, I’ve a bone to pick, or rather several in a NTMTOM entry: It would have been interesting to see other bone structures of this august personage, through a fuller profile picture.

  39. flutterbye says:

    Waaaayyy back when, when I used to show my li’l buckskin mare, I’d use Hoof Black on her feets to make them shine… trouble was, she’d play in my hair with her awesome lip and give me tangles and bits of hay and/or slobber… Sure miss her and those long-ago times!

  40. Haha, Flutterbye – she was grooming you back!

  41. Horses are such funny animals. When you see them interact with each other, with other animals and peeps, you see how clever they are. I believe horses really have a sense of humor– I’ve seen them do too many things to amuse themselves (including messing with peeps) to think otherwise. 😀

  42. Horses are very clever and have personalities and quirks all their own- that’s why some folks are horse-crazy, just like there are cat and dog-crazy [guilty] folks.

    I can’t believe anyone would think this would hurt a horse hoof. Oh, yeah, this is totally bad for them- never mind the fact that there’s a heavy cast iron ring NAILED into the foot. I’m sure a little fancy paint will totally undo this animal.

    Besides, look at the dainty new-shoe pose in the first picture!! That little lady is proud of her feet ;3

  43. CO Challenge thanks to nikismith!
    What would a collective noun aka herd of Eeyores be called?
    A nuff?
    A nufffest?
    A plaint?
    A buzzkill?
    A Pooh?
    2600’s gonna go 360 on this!

  44. Hmmm….somebody’s headed over to the Jersey Shore this weekend! Do they make bumpits for tails??!!

  45. warrior rabbit says:

    @Mary (41). I had the exact same thought about the shoe. There’s just some propensity for kneejerk nuffism (nuffiness? nuffery?) on this site sometimes; people don’t think things through before they speak (type).

    Ok, I had to google bumpits. And I still can’t help but see that word as ‘bum pits’ rather than ‘bump its.’

  46. warrior rabbit says:

    I’m awaiting moderation? My mother always says, ‘Everything in moderation.’ Still… Mom’s not always right. Hmm. I guess one shouldn’t break ‘bumpits’ into its constituent parts. Was that my crime?

  47. @ DKN : I think the horses supply their own bumpits. (snerk)

    Now where did I put MY leopard print nail polish????? hmmmmmmmm………

  48. Argyle Donkeypants says:

    It’s like I always say, when you hear hoofbeats, don’t think zebras, think feroche ultra-fab grrranimal printz, rrrowwwr.

  49. DONKEYPANTS in the house!

  50. (puts big microphone in O NO’s face) “So, tell us, how does it feel to have your name in lights up there making headlines?!”

    Hi DKN!

    I always thought horse people were stable, but now I’m past sure. No o-fence. I don’t mean to be a nag, or stirrup trouble.

  51. Queen of Dork says:

    pyrit: Hahahaha! You and Oakley are so punny!!! 🙂

  52. @dub1 That would be sooooo cool.
    They could have little badge decals with hot rod accents.
    Probably not regulation though, police aren’t real whimsical from what I have observed.

  53. Fun! Haha.

  54. Momsy in NJ says:

    Just so ya know… both horses are boys. and yes, they stand for it because they are glamorous and want to be in the movies.

  55. 260Oakley says:

    You got the gal part right, but wrong coast, my friend.

    @O NO
    Since you mentioned it:
    You know what would complete these horsey outfits? Matching halter tops.

    Another pun bites the dust.

  56. 260Oakley – Matching halter tops? How tacky! 😛

  57. Queen of Dork says:

    Okay. Here’s my attempt at a pun, Oakley and pyrit. But it’s just a little bit. Get it? BIT? Isn’t that the thing that goes in a horses mouth? A little BIT? Okay. Kind of lame. But the mane thing is that I tried. 🙂 (he-he)

  58. QOD whinnies the internets!!!

  59. Queen of Dork says:


  60. Juniper Jupiter says:

    “MMmmm, girrrl, I just got mah hooves DID!!”


  61. SNERK!

  62. 260Oakley says:

    Pyrit– Cropped pants would also look great with these hooves.
    And QOD wins a night in the bridle suite for her contribution to the pun-off.

    Now I’ve got to quit stalling and get back to work.


  64. O NO He/She/It DI-unt!!!! says:

    OMG pyrit and 2600 why are you doin’ all this horsin’ around????

    (sorry pholks, they’ve already used up all the good ‘uns & I felt compelled …)

    and @ pyrit: “I’d like to thank,,,”
    CLICK (microphone is switched off immediately)


  65. Queen of Dork says:

    Well shoot, Oakley. I’m sorry that you’re saddled with work duties.

  66. O NO He/She/It DI-unt!!!! says:

    PS @ Theresa: could you please clarify and elucidate the exact point that you’re attempting to make? There’s such a breadth of philosophical material encompassed in that exhibit ….

  67. Queen of Dork says:

    I had an old horse who ran pretty fast, but manure horse was faster.
    (Hahahaha! Sometimes I crack myself up with my goofiness. Okay. I’ll stop now).

  68. Please take all puns to the tack-y room, they’re making me bridle.

  69. (singing) “IIII’m 260 for my work, 260 for my work, 260 by far…”

  70. O NO He/She/It DI-unt!!!! says:

    (And a Particularly Royal *snerk* @ QoD fer that last ‘un espeshe! 🙂 )

  71. bookmonstercats says:

    Gasp. I need to sit down after the battle of the punning queens.

    Pyrit and 260O are neck and neck, with QoD and Theresa coming up fast behind in joint second place, and ONO making a straight up the inside. (ONO – you are a girl aren’t you? Just surmisin’)

  72. O NO He/She/It DI-unt!!!! says:

    (why don’t I get the one pyrit made?)
    (pouting very elegantly)

  73. O NO He/She/It DI-unt!!!! says:

    @bmc: YUP, yehshuryewbetcha!!!!!

    (most days, anyhow….) 😉

  74. bookmonstercats says:

    and Hon Glad gets an honourable mention (not a girly one though)

  75. CO’s in very good com-pun-y today!

  76. Queen of Dork says:

    Hi Hon Glad!!!

    signed respectfully,
    Your cyber girlfriend.

  77. O NO He/She/It DI-unt!!!! says:

    Queenie and HG, sittin’ in a tree…… 😉

  78. Hi Queenie, hows your belly off for spots, not very romantic I know.

    Bookmonsterscats, thanks for the accolade its a bit like lemonade.

  79. Queen of Dork says:

    Hon Glad: You are very romantic and sweet. *pours Hon Glad a glass of ice cold lemonade* I’m off to watch Charlotte’s Web with my daughter. You peeps have cheered me up SO much after a long, trying week! Thanks! 🙂

  80. @Bookmonstercats and Hon Glad, it’s like accolade or lemonade or hand grenade . . .

  81. Or may be renagade.

  82. O NO He/She/It DI-unt!!!! says:


    (and I mean that, in the BEST possible way…)

    😉 (JK)

  83. O NO He/She/It DI-unt!!!! says:

    KIDDING!!! I’m kidding, ‘course!!!! (grin)

  84. O NO – Let’s not rain on his charade. 🙂

  85. warrior rabbit says:

    All these puns are just gelding the lily…

  86. O NO He/She/It DI-unt!!!! says:

    pyrit YOU canNOT have intentionally set me UP???

    It’s “rein” in horsey-talk!!! 🙂

  87. Ha! Thanks for bale-ing me out, O NO!!!

  88. I mean, Hay, not Ha.

  89. Pyrit, I’ll not neigh say you.

  90. O NO He/She/It DI-unt!!!! says:

    BWA ha and also ha .:)

  91. Oh, how I love those hooves! Very clever girls, if I had a horse I would do the same thing. The animal prints rock! I’ve always wanted to body paint a horse too, like Native Americans did, only with flower and butterfly motifs. I will do it (when I get a horse) someday!

  92. What a nightmare!!! 😛

  93. As a fan of brightly lacquered nails, I suggest some of my favourite colours for my toesies, such as deep crimson red, iridescent purple or shiny green-blue. One bottle of OPI nail polish per hoof ought to do it! And don’t forget the top coat of clear lacquer to protect the work. 😉 LOL!

  94. Laughing my head off here at the pun master-y hapenin’ above.
    also, re the bumpits for horses’ tails…haven’t seen those yet, but they Do have extensions!!!

  95. I don’t know about you guys, but these puns smell pretty foal! 😛

  96. O NO – which of my puns? I’ll be horsepitable.

  97. PS, Seriously, appaloosa my lunch. 😛

  98. O NO He/She/It DI-unt!!!! says:

    @ pyrit: “Horse-spitable, you are it!!”

    I have qwershtyuned in re. item # 66.


  99. Horse-spittle??? EWWWWW!

  100. O NO He/She/It DI-unt!!!! says:


  101. All right, everyone into the (s)Nickering Lounge. I’m glad you’ve harnessed all this wit for this withering repartee, but I’m busting a gaskin. I’m dun. 😛

  102. O NO – OK, I’ll pony up. It’s that campy song, you know it: “I’m Too Sexy” = I’m 260.

  103. Kittens lick their paws while playing with horses, you know.

  104. that must take a whole bottle of gold polish. and a lot of patience! wow!

  105. O NO He/She/It DI-unt!!! says:

    @ pyrit: I am only able to appropriate, an appropriate term that was already used by Mme QoD oilier….

    Thank you, now I feel (….) “a BIT” more knowledgeable. And also now have an Australian dance number/ earworm in me ear.


  106. O NO He/She/It DI-unt!!! says:

    but wait, Theresa!! Surely (I know, don’t call you Shirley) ….one of us/one of you can do something with the term “buckskin” ….?

    I can’t come up with anything at the moment, but ….

    (throws down the Gauntlet and makes a challenging noise of some sort)

  107. Queen of Dork says:

    Theresa: Hay! God idea! Off to the (s)nickering Lounge with all of you fine (neigh)bors!

  108. lol cute ;D

  109. Google “crupper.” It’s a bumpit for horses. I swear.

  110. O NO – You posted a comment without a horsey pun!
    That’s chevalier gotta do. You oat to know better. Please, don’t let it happen morgan once.
    (runs away fast)

  111. Before I do that, I have to turn down the AC. I’m fillyng colt.

  112. Queen of Dork says:

    Theresa!!! You just caused me to choke with that one! 🙂

  113. Queen of Dork says:

    Crap! I just scrolled up to pyrit’s! Help! Hahahahahahaha! *chases pyrit*

  114. Those well-turned fetlocks – followed by the velvety noses in the watermelon-munching video – made me long to go visit some horses again! I wonder at the patience of both horses and girls in doing their hooves. The horses must be extremely gentle, too, to allow this.

    Gigi – I heard of a horse, an appaloosa, that was always found inside a corral munching on the hay, and the rest of the horses were outside. Owner observed him, finally – he had figured out, by observing people, how to open the rather complicated gate latch. Then he’d take the rest of the horses outside, and return to the corral, so he had all the hay to himself!

  115. 260Oakley says:

    OK, one more before I hit the Snickering Lounge:
    I bet those horses splashed on some oats de cologne after they finished their nails.

    Hay, it’s time for me to bale. G’nite folks.

  116. Queen of Dork says:

    260Oakley: See you in the Snickering Lounge! First round is on me! 🙂

  117. Sounds giddyup to me!

  118. 260Oakley – See you tomorrow after you giddyup.

  119. I also need to retire, to my quarters. I’ve made a foal of myself. But I don’t carriage. I’d give you the shetland off my back.

  120. Queen of Dork says:

    pyrit: Stop eet! You are keeling me with the cracking me up and stuff and things like that that way! I’m thirsty at the moment and must Tang myself.

    *Runs like heck*

  121. *holding stomach from all the giggling*

  122. I see you’re all jockeying for position in the sNickering lounge. What the hock! I’m through roaning around, too. Bay-Bay. 😛

  123. Queen of Dork says:

    Hey! Peeps! Let’s have a slumber party!
    *drags sleeping bags out of the closet. Gets marshmallows, grahm crackers, chocolate and sticks to make smores. Sets up tent in back yard. Shoos dogs and cats away from chocolate. Thinks of scary, nightmare story to tell. Makes sure flashlight has fresh batteries. hmmmmmmm. ‘kay! We’re ready!

  124. Queen of Dork says:

    P.S. – The slumber party is at my house in my back yard. There’s room for everybody. There’s something to eat for everybody. Please bring your pets as I’m sure they’ll all get along.

    *making salad in the kitchen to bring out*

  125. PS Gosh, that was coldblooded of me. 😛

  126. Queen of Dork says:

    Theresa: What time will you and Dante be coming over for the slumber party? P.S. – please both wear pajamas. Me and SamKitty are wearing ours. They match.

  127. Naturalady says:

    You people are fantastic-fun with the horsey puns. I’m going to have nightmares about horses wearing halter tops on their heads!!!

  128. it looks like I’m a little late to the party. *pouts*

    I have to say, when I see the comment count go up over a hundred, I usually don’t read them ’cause it usually means they’re full of nuffers. So the puns were a nice treat.

    Good job, all! And I’m totally giggling at the image of someone very carefully applying nail polish on these hoofs with one of those little brushes…

  129. Hey peeps, there’s a new barman at the snickering lounge and he doesn’t now how
    to mix a sardini !

  130. cassandra says:

    these are some fierce horsies 🙂

  131. flutterbye says:

    Oh what a night y’all had! Sorry I missed all the fun…I think I could hear the giggling and snorting from here, tho!

  132. O HAI pyrit!

  133. This was too funny. I love all the punning galloping away here.
    I would love to see a horse pull the shannigans as mentioned. To push a fence down with his back end and push it up again…and then another to watch & learn how to open a gate.
    Not sure why, I have the theme song to Mr. Ed running through my head now.
    Well, I Willlburrr going now.

  134. Love the hoofses and punses! Put a much-needed smile on my face, thank you all!

    I’ve had a wonderful opportunity over the last couple of years to get to know four horses who belong to my mother’s neighbor. They’re all beautiful in their own way, but the youngest has two naturally striped hooves! Dark brown and cream stripes! Now that I’ve seen this, I’d like to paint the other two to match.

  135. I’m always apprehensive about reading comments when they get past about 60 or so – so can I just say how fun it is to see a giant comment thread without much nuffing, and so much fun with puns!!!!!

  136. It is helpful to read the comments while the “Horses Eating Watermelon” plays in the background. Horses are good humored critters and certainly don’t mind a little creative work on their hooves now and then.

  137. That’s what I call Horsey Haute Couture!

  138. Swell! – Reminds me of what my mother and her siblings used to do to their father’s horses whenever they were resting in the stable. They’d climb on their backs and do their hair, braids and ties and cute bows. The horses didn’t mnd and actually enjoyed the attention. But grampa wasn’t at all pleased with that!

  139. Higgleboobs says:

    OMG OMG!

    This is clearly the greatest thing. These horses are one step away from unicorn status. I bet they can fly!!!

    Watch for this in Louis Vuitton and Versace’s next line.

  140. best. look. ever.