Evil Ottertude

Yeah I’m FOUR HUNDRED AND FIFTY EIGHT GRAMS SO WHAT

Don’t worry, I forgive you *wink of death*

I didn’t realize they were so evil at such a young age, Alexa G.

Thhhhhhfffffbbbbt!

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down, and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, “Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter, and you didn’t even pay for your sandwich!”

“Hey, man, I’m a PANDA!” the panda shouts back. “Look it up!”

The manager opens his dictionary and reads:

Panda: A tree-dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.

(Red?!) Panda joke by Anil Dash. Red panda by Curt.

Mouse Monorail!

People, you and I both know that there are VERY FEW ani-pals PROSHER than the plump, sleeping dormouse. Obvy, South Wales gets this, because they just built special Dormouse Bridges over a highly-trafficked road! [head tilt]

So now, for your viewing pleasure, some unsquashed-on-the-road Dormice:

young hazel dormouse

Hazel dormouse

Hazel dormouse

There’s more on this story from the fingers-on-the-pulse-newshounds over at Daily Mail. Pic #1: Dormouse in hand by Jan Fotografie Pic #2 and #3: Doormouse in hand by ELN2010

If This Bed’s A-Rockin’, Don’t Bother Knockin’

At first it looks like the possessed Hostess Cupcake from Hell, and then we step up and — hey, what do you know! — it’s just Carnitas the mini-peeg, rooting around in the teensy bed, looking for the car keys!

Another quality Carnitas video dug up by Barbarella F.!

Hang On, We’ll Be Right There

Wait up, we’re coming with you…

No, seriously, give us two seconds…

Honest, we’ll catch up, just hold your horses…

The Impossibly Glamourous Black Fawn!

Yes, it’s Black Fawn, international jet-setting supermodel! Maker of trends, breaker of hearts, always on the go! Breakfast in London, lunch in Paris, dinner in Milan! It’s just another day in the fabulous life of… Black Fawn!

Black Fawn! She’s ready for action!

Black Fawn! She’s ready for glamour!

Black Fawn! She’s ready for romance!

Sent in by the possibly glamourous Johanna S.!

Rule of Cuteness #47: Feathery or Furry Fluff is Cute

Why? Because it’s a “Bury your nose in me!*” magnet!

*Except this owl will peck your face off so don’t do eet

Teresa M. sent in this Tumblr gem Hungover Owls

Monkeh adopts kitteh

Of course. Of course he does [shaking head]

This just in via The Telegraph:

“A young long tailed macaque monkey has been spotted in a forest protectively nuzzling and grooming a ginger kitten and making sure no harm came to it. The extraordinary sight was captured by amateur photographer Anne Young while on holiday at the Monkey Forest Park, in the Ubud region of Bali, Indonesia.”

“The kitten enjoyed the attention being lavished on it by its protective carer and made no effort to leave.”

The insanity continues over at the Telegraph. Thanks for Pointer-Outering, Brinke G.!

Check out how big the blades of grass are…

…In comparison to this prosh 9-week old Beagle-Jack Russell-Chow-Great Pyrenées pup! Can you say Holy Rule of Cuteness #14 Action!? Yes. Yes you can.

Sender-Inner Aiden L. is one of Daisy May’s proud parents.

THIS JUST IN: Thing One & Thing Two

Here’s jubilant news from the Prospect Park Zoo:
Baboon baby birth, and not just one, but two!
They’ve each got a mommy, both rambunctious males,
So feisty they’ve got to be held by their tails.

So while the boys wrassle and play baboon games,
The Zoo asks the public to help give them names.
At the moment, they just call the kids “one” and “two,”
But that’s no good, peeps, so you know what to do.

HD available in video. More news, video at Gawker.

UPDATE: New! Improved! Now with 82% more Jamin!

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