Behold, the 2010 winning entry in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, given each year to the worst opening sentence:
For the first month of Ricardo and Felicity’s affair, they greeted one another at every stolen rendezvous with a kiss — a lengthy, ravenous kiss, Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity’s mouth as if she were a giant cage-mounted water bottle and he were the world’s thirstiest gerbil.
Photo credit goes to arathrael!
BZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz ;-p
Gerbil? Um, that’s a hamster.
Yep, that’s Felicity!!
Hahah!! I’ve been a fan of the Bulwer-Lytton contest for ages. That’s a pretty good opening sentence.
And we all know someone who has kissed like that, don’t we?
Sluuuurp glorpity glorp. Ahhhhh.
The cover art for this literary gem is a picture of “The Drinker” by Rodint.
Somebody needs to clean his li’l yeller teef.
[PS - I miss you, Sienna!!!]
*snerk* @Oakley!
Looks like he’s crooning into a microphone. I miss my dearly departed hammies too!
YESSS!! The Bulwer-Lytton Contest! CO just gets classier all the time!
@Nads, shades of the old “Far Side” cartoon, with the whale swimming up to the underwater mike and belting “Ah Louie Louie, ohhhh baby, we gotta go!”
Block your ears! He’s about the blow into a vuvuzela!
So how was the kissing in the second month? Do just leave us hanging like that!
I just love that little tic-tic-tic-tic-tic sound hamsters make when they drink from their water bottle.
Dirty.
Paws. Whiskers. PAWS! Closed eyes…gah.
Well, when you are thirsty not worry what others will say, especially not if you’re hamster.
@ pounced: yes (shudder)
1) Cuteness of Critter? Check.
2) Storyline and Detail of….intimacy? My ultrasqueamish, recovering ex-Catholic & also kneejerk reaction? slightly “ewwww”. I know, I’m a total wimp.
hey! here’s a great way to sytart a story:
“it was a dark and stormy night …”
waddaya think?
@ONH/S/ID, then DO NOT under ANY circumstances, read the winners of the Literary Review Bad Sex in Fiction Award!
http://www.literaryreview.co.uk/badsex.html
@ Theresa:
Me = “eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek”
(runs off with internet link to bedroom and hides under the cover with a flashlight to read the “best”/ “worst” parts……nah, mom’ll NEVER catch me…..)
(gaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh it has the word “vul** ” in it….I was too skeeeeeeered to wait to look for the other obligatory term engor***…)
Signed,
“Run away!!!! Run away!!!!
and/ or
The Princesses from the Castle Anthra*
He’s taking this very seriously! So cute!
I think he looks like he’s playing a little strumpet..er..trumpet.
Haha… this picture is slightly obscene!!!
Now you’ve made me envision a hamster dirty dancing. That’s just not RIGHT.
yeah i wondered about the gerbil-thing too.
it’s clearly a hamster.
and my hammie does that too. when they wake up during the day
and are thirsty they just crawl out their house and drink with closed
eyes and holding on to the bottle because they’re still in hamster-wonderland
A Hemmmmmster – and very cute, with his leedle shut eyes and leedle grasping hands. Cute as a rat, in fact.
His teefies are normal; rodent teeth naturally have an orangey cast in the enamel (or is it the dentin?). Anyway his teeth are not dirty, although the text certainly is!
Okay, so there wasn’t a pic of a gerbil and his water bottle available. Sheesh. It’s still cute and funny!
No joke, my uncle won that contest one year, except his first line was from a non-existent young adult sci-fi book.
–bossgripes.com